Nighttime routine.

[inthecornersofmymind]

I am the mother of three boys: 10, 4 and 2.

I try to settle my 10-year-old and 4-year-old to bed at 8pm. My 4-year-old has a separate bedroom, but he shares it with my 10-year-old since he doesn't like sleeping alone or being in his own room.

We have made numerous attempts to get him settled in his bedroom at bedtime; despite our efforts, it consistently results in tears and meltdowns.

I allow both boys 30 minutes of either book or screen time just to be fair, and then it's lights out and goodnight.

This always creates an issue, as my 10-year-old loves reading and becomes so engrossed in his books that he doesn’t want to close the book and go to sleep when asked. My 4-year-old has same problem with screen time, and neither of them goes to sleep until around 9 to 9:30PM, just like tonight.

I want to end book and screen time before bedtime since I face the same problem every night. I feel upset because I'm simply trying to be fair, yet it seems like they are taking it for granted.

Would it be reasonable to instantly STOP book and screen time entirely before going to sleep?, given that I feel unable to wean them off gradually.

Can you wake him up earlier and cut the naps? Obviously he's only 2 so just one nap, maybe 90 mins max?

I agree with PPs about absolutely no screen time at bedtime (I don't allow screens in bedrooms at all) and the 10 yo should not have to have the same bedtime as 4 yo. My kids have yoto players and love them.

Sounds unfair on the 10 year old to me. I'd be letting him stay up later, no screens at bedtime for anyone and no screens at all other than a bit of TV for the 4 year old. I'd also be pushing through to get the 4 year old into their own room, sounds like the 10 year old is paying the price of them being unable to settle alone at the minute.

So get the 2yo up earlier and/or cut the naps.

This set-up is really unfair on your 10yo who is rapidly heading towards puberty.

Excuse me?
Do you also have a two-year-old child? I don't understand what you mean by 'cut naps/get him up'; you make it sound so simple.

I do not encourage him to take naps, I would rather him not have them so I could get him into a routine.

Our 10-year-old said that he doesn't mind sharing with his brother, but he must learn to sleep in his own room because he can't do so forever.

You wake your child up - just as you'd have to do if he had nursery, or an activity, or a doctors appointment

Definitely I screens at least an hour before bed, reading or tonies box is allowed at our house. It’s hard breaking a habit and kids are strong willed but will be easier in the long run.

I can't believe how many kids go to bed at 7/7.30, that's way too early.

Mine even as babies and toddlers were 10pm or often later and up at 7am with no problem. No daytimes naps required.

For those of you who work, you must barely see your children 😕

You just had low sleep needs children, that’s all. One of mine is like this, the other isn’t.

Most kids of toddler, preschool, early primary school age need more than 9 hours sleep a night.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/expert-answers/how-many-hours-of-sleep-are-enough/faq-20057898

If my kids stayed up til 10 they would be up later than me 😂

Absolutely no way my kids could manage on that little sleep now they’re at school but all kids are different I suppose.

@inthecornersofmymind
the 2yo is taking naps because they’re up so late. You’re probably letting them sleep because it gives you a break during a long day that ends when both of you go to sleep. Get the 2yo up in the morning, take control of their schedule, and get them down for bed at the same time as the 4yo.

Also - it’s absolute madness to have screens in their rooms before bed.

Tonie box has been a game changer for my 3yo. It cuts any wasted time but would be an excellent replacement for screens/reading.
Agree with a pp about getting 10yo a little book light or something so he can read, that seems a good compromise.
Or bite the bullet entirely, get a toniebox and insist the 4yo has it in his room only? Would that tempt him into sleeping in there?
Definitely cut naps down with your 2yo as well, you may as well go for it with all of them, get the adjustment stage done and over with, your evenings will be amazing!!

Screentime before bed is a definite no for me. I would let the 10yo read for longer (say 45mins) if he likes, maybe with a book light?

4yo should be switched to bedtime stories or an audiobook.

Put the 2 and 4 year old in the same room and get a bedtime routine going, no screen time. Let the 19 year old read, you can’t to expect a 10 year old to follow a 4 year old routine.

no daytime naps required? For a baby sleeping 10-7?

That puts your babies at the extreme low-sleep needs end of the spectrum. Obviously you've done what works for your children, but this would not work for the majority of babies. Average sleep needs for a 1yo baby is 11-14 hours.

As kids of different ages we knew the different bedtimes were fair to age, even when we shared rooms.

The younger ones need to go to bed earlier, it takes patience and discipline and I know it's hard with a ND child.

I would consider an audio bedtime story or some music to wind down to. You could put them to bed a bit earlier, have a strict timing for books/screens then it's just audio. Xxx

Honestly! You are the parent. Your two year old is not going to put himself in his own routine- that is your job! When PP said wake him up earlier, wake him up earlier! He will then be tired at bed time! You are acting like you don’t have any say in this

Could older boy not stay up reading in the lounge

Being fair doesn't mean that every child gets the same schedule and restrictions regardless of their age, needs, or level of responsibility and independence. That's actually incredibly unfair because it ties one child's independence and privileges to their sibling's behavior. It's not only a set up for resentment, it's also disrupting the vital link between behavior and natural consequences.

4 year-old needs to start sleeping in his own bed. Deal with the inevitable drama directly instead of letting your 10 year-old's accommodating nature be a crutch. Remove screen time at night and offer reading with a parent (and siblings if they choose to join), reading alone, or an audiobook. Give each child an individual in-bed time and a lights-out time, and if they want more reading/audiobook time they can get ready for bed earlier. Enforce lights-out and quiet at the set time (make sure each child has a suitable clock or timer that they can read in their room) and if they're difficult about it then the natural consequence is to start bedtime earlier the next night.

It's also time to start building a routine for your 2-year-old. All three boys should have their own written-out bedtime routine (use pictures and words for the younger two) that shows what needs to happen in between dinner and bed.

4yo and 2yo should both be in bed by 730.After school is plenty time for tv,reading,games and screens then dinner around 5-6.30pm and bath/bedtime after that.
10yo can stay up maybe until 8 and have 30-40 mins reading alone until 9.
There is a 6 yr difference between older 2 so shouldn’t be having same bedtime routine.

If the 2 year old is falling asleep multiple times throughout the day then it’s very likely he’s tired (because his bedtime is too late). It’s unusual for a 2year old to have more than one nap a day.

Is the reason he doesn’t have a routine that he sleeps with you and DP and neither of you want to go to bed early? Because if so you just need to suck it up. I coslept so sympathise but it is what it is: get some good audiobooks in and try to embrace the early nights.

This - a 10 year old should be allowed to stay up slightly longer than a 4 year old otherwise he will resent his sibling.

I don't know one 10 year old that had to go to bed by 8pm. You need to start letting him grow up and syncing the 2 younger ones bed times.

My 3 and 4 year old go to be at the same time in the same room.

If I was you I'd put the 2 and 4 year old to bed in the same room at the same time.
My 9 year old goes to bed an hour after the little ones are asleep.