WIBU to tell MIL she was speaking nonsense?

[InkyBlueStar]

We hosted MIL, and BIL and SIL for Christmas this year and when it came to opening presents she made several comments along the lines of ‘look at you opening another present’. It was really annoying me because I was actually the one under the tree, handing out presents, helping my grumpy teething baby to open their presents, and all with a broken finger. By the third time she piped up ‘not another present for you Inky’ it was actually the first present I’d opened but when I said that it was ignored. I ended up leaving my presents from DH, and my family and friends and opened them in peace alone later because I couldn’t be arsed with more comments. I was already thin on patience with non sleeping, teething baby and didn’t want to snap.

I thought all was forgotten until we were out for Sunday lunch with MIL, and DH’s aunt and uncle and chatting about Christmas and MIL said how she couldn’t believe that I was sitting under the tree opening present after present. This time I said ‘well that’s clearly nonsense MIL, I only opened the presents from you and BIL/SIL on Christmas morning’. She went quiet and after bit of awkwardness it was brushed over, but since then she’s definitely been off with me. Was I being unreasonable to be so blunt? I’m a real people pleaser and part of me is wanting to apologise and the other part is thinking that she deserved to be told but maybe not so bluntly. FWIW because I know it will come up from other MIL threads, I find her very hard work and don’t particularly like her. I am generally the peacekeeper because DH has very limited patience for her and he definitely thinks I shouldn’t apologise but I think he can be too blunt.

My MIL used to make stupid comments like that. For ages I sucked it up but then I’d had enough. I went pretty low contact with her after that. Life is too short to put up with rudeness.

If he’s so blunt, why didn’t he say anything to his mother at the time?

Her comments were bizarre. What was her point?

I’m not surprised you put her straight. Hopefully she’ll take the hint and not behave like that again.

Didn’t vote as didn’t want to press wrong button as wasn’t too clear which way you were playing this

fwiw @InkyBlueStar you are NOT being unreasonable for saying what you said. She was being a cunt. You stopped her being a cunt. Good for you

you are being unreasonable for wanting to apologise to her. Don’t justify her cuntishness by backing down.

No need to apologise but if you regret being blunt your might replace'nonsense' with 'What do you mean MIL? I only opened 2 presents while you were there. The others were for DD.'

You might find you liked her more if you were blunt more often and didn't let her walk all over you. You stood up for yourself, and now she has to figure out a new and different way of interacting with you. Good for you, and it will be good for her too.

Depends if you actually feel she was being nasty. Or was she just burbling to fill silence?

I think it would have been better if you'd not added the ' that's clearly nonsense ' and just stated the facts whilst making eye contact but it's not a big thing and it's over now. I'd just leave it and have a week or two away from her. It should blow over.

My sister was like this my whole life until I cut her off. I have seen her at funerals only for 15 years and even then she will walk up to me, be rude to my face for no obvious reason and go away again. Luckily, other family members see this and have nothing to do with her either.

Fade her out. Life's too short to have assholes like that around. Even when she's not dropping these nuggets, you'll be tense waiting for her to start.

You can't win with these types.

I agree with this. Don’t set a precedent of inviting family over for the present opening Xmas morning or they’ll expect it every year. We hold off and do their family presents with them instead

Yeah the subtext here is Inky is spoilt, Inky doesnt deserve all these presents and attention, lets target Inky. Thats why she was going on and on and ON about it, trying to build a narrative thats very different from the truth and what was really going on. Good for you for shutting that shit down. Dont let ANYONE try to paint a picture of you thats not true, and especially not one thats so negative. You dont need her to plant seeds of dislike against you.

This.

Agree and if she mentions it again I’d say to her why is this bothering you so much Daphne? Is she a bit of a martyr , revels in being the one that does it all, no one ever does anything to help her etc. it’s obviously not about you and your presents.

This sounds like my DM. We avoid her as much as possible.

One thing I've noticed is that her "funny stories" tend to be putting other people down... but never herself. There are many "jokes" (often repeated) about silly or ridiculous things that other people have supposedly done, but never a single one poking fun at herself or her own mistakes (and goodness knows, everybody has a few of those, right?!).

It makes me realise that, actually, the point isn't the "humour." The point is actually to put other people down.

I wonder whether your MIL is the same?

MIL said how she couldn’t believe that I was sitting under the tree opening present after present.

On Christmas morning? I can say with absolute certainty OP, you weren't the only one. Not sure what else you're meant to do. The baby would still be trying to open theirs now if you left them to it.

I opened present after present as well. It's not a packet of biscuits where you have a couple and put them back in the cupboard.

Couldn't believe it? Silly old crow 🎄

Good on you for putting her back in her box. She sounds annoying and nit picking. I would have been sick of her nonsense as well

I think you did the right thing speaking up straight away . The worst thing is when nothing is said and disagreements are allowed to fester . And I speak from some experience about that . No way should you apologise. In future just invite her after the presents .

Nah, she just sounds jealous of you, she wanted to shame you.

This. Put them on the spot.

It sounds like your dh knows how awful she is. You need to follow his lead and put some distance between you both. Her venom is directed at you and dh for now, but it’s only another couple years until it will be your child. Don’t put them through that. And your Dh is right, you absolutely shouldn’t apologise. You were a bit kinder than I would have been. I’d not be spending much time at all with her going forward. Your Dh can go see her if he wants to.

I don't see that you said anything wrong at all. You called your MIL out on her comments, and basically told her that she was talking bollocks. Perhaps next time, she'll think twice about making snide comments!! I definitely wouldn't be apologising.

She’s looking for conflict with you and so you have to decide how to handle it - think you’re doing ok so far.
Make sure H is onside though.

Why didn't you say at the time 'Oh this isn't a present for me it's for Baby. I'll open my presents later in peace' then she wouldn't have been able to say anything else.