WIBU to tell MIL she was speaking nonsense?

[InkyBlueStar]

We hosted MIL, and BIL and SIL for Christmas this year and when it came to opening presents she made several comments along the lines of ‘look at you opening another present’. It was really annoying me because I was actually the one under the tree, handing out presents, helping my grumpy teething baby to open their presents, and all with a broken finger. By the third time she piped up ‘not another present for you Inky’ it was actually the first present I’d opened but when I said that it was ignored. I ended up leaving my presents from DH, and my family and friends and opened them in peace alone later because I couldn’t be arsed with more comments. I was already thin on patience with non sleeping, teething baby and didn’t want to snap.

I thought all was forgotten until we were out for Sunday lunch with MIL, and DH’s aunt and uncle and chatting about Christmas and MIL said how she couldn’t believe that I was sitting under the tree opening present after present. This time I said ‘well that’s clearly nonsense MIL, I only opened the presents from you and BIL/SIL on Christmas morning’. She went quiet and after bit of awkwardness it was brushed over, but since then she’s definitely been off with me. Was I being unreasonable to be so blunt? I’m a real people pleaser and part of me is wanting to apologise and the other part is thinking that she deserved to be told but maybe not so bluntly. FWIW because I know it will come up from other MIL threads, I find her very hard work and don’t particularly like her. I am generally the peacekeeper because DH has very limited patience for her and he definitely thinks I shouldn’t apologise but I think he can be too blunt.

Mine made digs at me all the time pointing out how much food i could eat etc etc
She even warned me once to not to sit on the car boot as I might break it.

I either laughed or said something like “yes be careful otherwise i’ll eat yours too” which would really throw her off 🤣

but i am NC with her now. And in retrospect i’d become numb to these digs and wished i’d felt more offended and less amused at the time

That’s just trying to make a (bad) joke though surely? It’s not nasty.

Wouldn’t have her round on Christmas again. She doesn’t sound very bright if she couldn’t keep up with the fact that you were dishing out presents for others and they weren’t all for you, plus she’s having another go after the fact. If Dh isn’t keen on her, don’t chase to maintain a relationship.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This sounds like something my mil would say.
She says things that are really unnecessary and quite spiteful. A few Christmases ago, Dh bought me a new iPhone ( I’d had the same old phone for about 6 years) when she saw it, she pulled a face and said “that’s a bit much isn’t it?!” I replied cheerfully “wait till you see the new handbag and perfume he bought me as well!” Her face was a picture.

I wouldn’t apologise and I wouldn’t mention it again, if she happens to bring it up (which she probably won’t) you can remind her again that it was nonsense and you’re not sure why she said it in the first place.

We have the same MIL. Mine fatshamed her own daughter behind her back, her daughter was pregnant!
MIL is very overweight but must have a magic mirror that she looks into which tells her she is not. MIL has never had a job but belittled me when I said I was tired as my full time job was so busy.
I went NC in the end after she grabbed at my 1 year old DS and told him he was “a big bugger.” It wasn’t just due to this tactless comment but many many years of vile behaviour towards me and DH.

Keep that boundary firmly in place 💪

I’ve experienced similar with my grandmother but I’ve always wondered when she would say something like
this it was just like a verbal tick she wouldn’t stop going on about. Why do people do this?

For me it was constant. We didn’t live close because of DHs work, but apparently it was my fault. These ‘comments’ started to be directed at DC and at this point I pulled back. I was the one who organised presents and visits. So she saw us much less relying on DH to sort it out.

‘Grey rock’ is your friend.

She was doing it to annoy you. Don’t rise to the bait.

I feel your pain. Every time I go upstairs my MIL assumes (wrongly) that I'm going to sleep, it's really weird. When she comes round and I come downstairs she says things like ooh look whose just got up, or wish I could sleep all day like Ellie etc.

I wouldn’t invite her again. Just open presents as your immediate family. It’s common sense you were helping baby etc.

She sounds jealous and nasty and if you apologise for telling her the truth it will never end. Well done for sticking up for yourself

Fuck her, OP. May you stick to your firm boundary setting in 2026. You will be a lot happier for it love.

Then you need to fight fire with fire. 'Oh look at Inkey opening more presents'. Mimic her voice and say 'Oh look at Granny, jealous because I'm popular and get more presents'

Don't apologise, you didn't do anything wrong.

If you apoligise she will take it you are sanctioning more of her poking. It's good you spoke up. Let her be miffed.

DO NOT APOLOGISE.

Your DH is absolutely right there and does seem to have the measure of his mother. She fully deserved what she got and it sounds as though it had been coming to her for a long time.

Don't undermine yourself now and undo all of the good you have just done. So what if she is "off" with you! That shows that your comments landed as they needed to.

What you do now is absolutely nothing so that it sinks in with her. Let her continue to stew. That is what is needed. Also, see as little of her in the future as you can get away with, at least for now.

I would be wondering if she has some issues with her eyesight ? Especially as she couldn't see what was happening so close by ?

I’m annoyed on your behalf.
MIL needs to apologise, not you.

She was literally lying. To do that to make you look bad is something your DH needs to sort out and protect you from.

Good for you for sticking up for yourself!

The fact that she mentioned it again much later shows that it’s not something she wanted to drop. She clearly wanted to get her point across again in a passive aggressive manner. You speaking up shows her that you will call her out on these sly digs.

Don’t apologise: you’ve shown her that you’re prepared to speak up and defend yourself. Apologising would basically be saying that you were wrong. You weren’t.

I would shut that right down.

Say something like 'I was always taught that it is rude/very poor manners to comment on what another person is or is not eating'. Hopefully that will make her squirm.
Or tell her that, as an adult, you neither need nor appreciate her comments on what you are eating.

Wouldn't you say he is too, if OP has a broken finger, yet is still scrabbling under the tree and looking after the baby? Shouldn't he have done these things?
If I missed something like he has a medical problem/wasn't there, then ok. But if he has "no patience" with her, maybe she is just fed up if she always did her best for him his whole life, and now feels he's being unkind to her (and unless there's a good reason, I think it's unkind to have your injured wife doing lots on Christmas morning). She should deal with him though, shouldn't be taking it out on OP.

YANBU, sounds like you were not blunt enough, imo. Do you talk with BIL and SIL about her? What do they think of her? Do they ever say anything to her when she is saying these things?

You clearly didn't read OP's posts before posting. Her husband has a broken leg and can't weight bear and may need surgery on the leg.

Though I admit I don't see what his leg has to do with his arms. Surely can sit on the floor with leg propped up and unwrap presents with his arms. He is not using his leg to unwrap presents. Even if he were propped up on the couch, he could still use his hands to unwrap.