WIBU to tell MIL she was speaking nonsense?

[InkyBlueStar]

We hosted MIL, and BIL and SIL for Christmas this year and when it came to opening presents she made several comments along the lines of ‘look at you opening another present’. It was really annoying me because I was actually the one under the tree, handing out presents, helping my grumpy teething baby to open their presents, and all with a broken finger. By the third time she piped up ‘not another present for you Inky’ it was actually the first present I’d opened but when I said that it was ignored. I ended up leaving my presents from DH, and my family and friends and opened them in peace alone later because I couldn’t be arsed with more comments. I was already thin on patience with non sleeping, teething baby and didn’t want to snap.

I thought all was forgotten until we were out for Sunday lunch with MIL, and DH’s aunt and uncle and chatting about Christmas and MIL said how she couldn’t believe that I was sitting under the tree opening present after present. This time I said ‘well that’s clearly nonsense MIL, I only opened the presents from you and BIL/SIL on Christmas morning’. She went quiet and after bit of awkwardness it was brushed over, but since then she’s definitely been off with me. Was I being unreasonable to be so blunt? I’m a real people pleaser and part of me is wanting to apologise and the other part is thinking that she deserved to be told but maybe not so bluntly. FWIW because I know it will come up from other MIL threads, I find her very hard work and don’t particularly like her. I am generally the peacekeeper because DH has very limited patience for her and he definitely thinks I shouldn’t apologise but I think he can be too blunt.

What was your husband doing while you were giving out presents with a broken finger?

She’s dug and dug and dug at you. You have very politely put a stop to it. You don’t owe anyone an apology.

Let her be as off as she likes. Act like you haven’t even noticed. And if she says anything about it, just tell her that you’d been willing to let her behaviour go, for the sake of family harmony and because you’s assumed she’d been at the Baileys, but if she wants to tell you what prompted all the comments, you’re willing to listen. Make it very clear from the second she opens her mouth that you are not in the wrong and will not be apologising. Don’t give her an opportunity to tell you how cross she was. Interrupt her if you have to, and shut that crap down straight away.

What did she expect? If she thought she could make little digs with no comeback then she thought wrong didn’t she

Ugh, yanbu at all! One of the reasons I stopped my parents from arriving on Christmas eve was because I could no longer take the passive aggressive comments about how many presents we were putting under the tree on Christmas eve, and the same comments being repeated on Christmas morning. It absolutely drains the enjoyment!
They seemed to think all the presents were for our 2 children & that it was completely excessive. Conveniently they were over looking the fact there were gifts for 6 adults & 2 children. Plus additional presents for the children from their very generous uncle & 2 sets of grandparents (including themselves). Plus, their own presents to each (which far outnumbered what DH & I gave each other) etc.
It's as though they created a completely false narrative & absolutely couldn't see the factual truth.
Don't apologise and just let your MiL squirm about the fact you called out her untruthful behaviour in front of others!

My mother would do nonsense like this and would continue until put straight publicly.

Well done op for saying something!

I think this is some of it. Her sense of humour is very much making fun which isn’t mine, but also I feel there’s a ‘many a true word said in jest’ getting a dig in behind it.

He badly broke his leg (we’ve really been in the wars) and can’t weight bear at all. We think he might need another surgery to correct it. That’s why majority of baby wrangling has been down to me.

she couldn’t believe that I was sitting under the tree opening present after present.

What point was she trying to make?

That you had more presents than anyone else?
My mum always did as she used to get them from workmates.

Or that you were opening other people's presents?
Clearly not the case!

I guess she FAFO!

Well done for standing up to her!!

my MIL thinks I’m too fat and will often make small digs “oh ANOTHER bit of garlic bread?” “Oh that’s a big portion” “oh what are you eating now?” It’s small things but the embarrass me. My husband says he hasn’t noticed but I wish at the time I could have a comeback.

This is it exactly. And she’s worse with DH and brings the digs literally back to his childhood. It’s not in a fun way either, like how my family laugh about how I cried the first time I had ice cream because it was cold, but it feels belittling. I also don’t want to be around her because of it. I don’t know why she keeps on with it with me because although I’ve never been so direct before, I’ve never found it funny or given the impression I have.

‘Oh another rude comment, you might have onset dementia as you keep repeating yourself. Do you want us to come to the Gp with you?’
’why are you so obsessed with me, do you have no other interests’
’god! Your chat is so boring, change the record!’

@InkyBlueStar hopefully she’s taken the hint but if not, do it again and again until she does! YADNBU.

Mil tried something like that. She twisted what I said to try and cause issues between me and DH. I was all over that and put her back in her box. How fucking dare she!!!!!She wonders why i don’t like her, I saw a really sly side that day and other manipulation has made me really dislike the daft woman. She only thinks about herself and uses guilt and tears as manipulation whilst acting like some silly old woman who would ever harm anyone.

i’d tell her to put a sock in it as her patter is rubbish.

Well done on saying something!! And don’t worry if she’s off with you. Just roll your eyes internally and say “whatever” 🤣

I voted YABU as you’re being U to even consider apologising. That isn’t blunt, just factual. Also why are you peacekeeping and hanging out with her if your DH, her own son, doesn't seem to like her?

Nope. Don't you dare apologise. She was being snidey and would have continued with her with her nonsense had you not stopped her in her tracks. Perhaps now she won't see you as such a soft target for her nastiness.

I used to have similar with my MIL. Would always comment things like "ha! Caught you!" If she saw me eating something (like a biscuit with my tea, or grabbing some grapes from my fruit bowl as i passed etc) as if I was doing something to be ashamed of. Obviously, just her trying to manipulate me in to not eating (she defo gave Almond Mum vibes, always commenting on everyone's weight and how much they eat despite, ironically, being overweight herself). I eventually called her out after I had cooked and hosted Christmas dinner. Other relatives arrived later in the evening for drinks. Heard MIL slagging me off to a few of them in the kitchen, saying "well, the food was alright but a bit rich for me. BloodyBoiling certainly packed it away though, she doesn't stop! She was there, gnawing on a turkey leg like a bloody cave woman!" Not realising I'd entered the room behind her. Completely untrue, not only had I eaten significantly less than the other adults, including her, simply because I was over the idea of Christmas dinner after being stuck cooking it all afternoon, but the turkey legs were laying completely intact and uneaten in the fridge as i was saving them to make a pie on Boxing Day. Which she knew. I opened the fridge door, she turned at the noise and her face was 😬 at seeing me, I said with zero emotion "what, these turkey legs, mil? Funny, they seem to have regenerated after me gnawing on them like a cave woman. How bizarre."

Btw, that didn't stop her. The only thing that stopped her shenanigans was dying. RIP.

My DHs aunt and uncle used to do a annual pre christmas party (drinks and sausage rolls....or sometimes just roast sausages). When we were dating and joined in every year they used to ask "do you want a sherry, Perrie?" They thought it hilarious because it rhymed. I never actually ever had a sherry there. Not then. Not ever.

Fast forward, weve been married 34 years!.....everytime we see them (luckily not too often) they still ask if im drinking sherry!!

Good on you pulling your MIL up. Hopefully she will shut up talking s@@# now! Save her repeating it ad nauseum for decades!

‘Sorry, I don’t know you mean. Can you explain?’

Say this on repeat to every single dig. It can’t be construed as rude, but people like that can never satisfactorily answer it. It puts them on the back foot too. They’re having to explain themselves instead of you having to defend yourself.

Just see less of her

look at you opening another present’

I am clearly not, what are you talking about

would be my immediate answer, instead of letting her bothering me. It's a weird comment, was she trying to be funny? Or miffed because she didn't get presents, and it has actually nothing to do with you, just a dig at her own partner meaning "look, normal people get presents from their family, I didn't"

You legend. Will you be my friend?