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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that my adopted brother MET with my biological sister PART2

25 replies

knockedgymnast · 12/06/2008 13:21

To cut a long story short, my adopted brother and bio sister finally met. When I confronted her about it (I left a voice message on her mobile as she was not answering her phone) she left me a message on facebook telling me that she knows what she did was wrong and she wont do it again BUT that she wants nothing more to do with me and not to get in touch her. Suprisingly, my adopted brother has kept a very low profile and haven't heard a thing

OP posts:

poorbuthappy · 12/06/2008 13:23

WTF?
I read your previous thread, but didn't post simply because I no experience in this type of thing...I still don't but feel I should say again...

WTF?
Has she got you on ignore on facebook?

Keep trying brother...

sorry can't be of more help
x

Original poster

knockedgymnast · 12/06/2008 13:28

She has "wiped" me off her friends list on facebook. Even though she admitted she was in the wrong, it's the fact that she said she will never speak to me again and not to contact her. huh?

OP posts:

MsDemeanor · 12/06/2008 13:31

If you want people to reply you do at least have to link to another thread or explain yourself. This makes no sense at all on its own.

madamez · 12/06/2008 13:35

I have read the previous thread too and I think there is something very wierd going on here. I am beginning to wonder if you are not the one behaving a bit strangely - if you are coming across to your sister as needy and desperate, and making demands on her as to who she sees and when, she may well want nothing to do with you.
Having reread your previous OP, I note that you are not in close contact with either your other sisters or your brother, which really does suggest that there is something in your behaviour which is making them back off - unless it's your brother who is the psycho and for some reason he is determined to prevent contact between you and your sisters.

lulumama · 12/06/2008 13:36

why shouldn;t they have met?

can we have a quick recap?

Carmenere · 12/06/2008 13:38

I wonder what your brother said or did to her?

Original poster

knockedgymnast · 12/06/2008 13:38

msdemeanor, sorry I sent a thread yesterday.

OP posts:

ComeOVeneer · 12/06/2008 13:43

I am a bit confused about the situation. You have 1 biological sister who lives with another of your sisters? Is that one biological? Plus another 2 sisters (again biological?) and you hab=ven't met them either. Are they related to the first 2?

Then you have a foster brother. Is he fostered into your family or where you fostered into his family? You said you made contact with your sister last Sept , how/why did he get in contact with her? WHat was there reasons for meeting up, did either of them say?

Whole thing seems odd.

Original poster

knockedgymnast · 12/06/2008 13:45

madamez, none of us sisters have met each other. There's a lot more to it. My adopted brother and I are really close and it's not a case of I am needy. I have tried really hard to arrange to meet up with her but looking back it has been excuse after excuse. We used to be in touch all the time and when I wasn't available to talk to her, she would tell me that I was ignorant.

Lulumama, I have never met my bio sisters and was looking forward to meeting them. There was always some excuse but now she has met up with my bio brother.

I couldn't tell you why us sisters have not met (there are four of us). A lot of it has to do with the fact that we were adopted all over the country and not in close proximity.

OP posts:

ComeOVeneer · 12/06/2008 13:46

Your "bio" brother? Now I am even more confused!

lulumama · 12/06/2008 13:46

perhaps, with the best will in the world, she does not want to meet you? you cannot force these things, no matter how distressing, i am sorry though.

lulumama · 12/06/2008 13:48

thread from yesterday

my brain hurts reading this

Original poster

knockedgymnast · 12/06/2008 13:52

Cameoveneer, sorry I'm not very clear. I have four bio sisters. Two of whom live together in London. My ado brother grew up with me. He now lives in London but I have until recently, had regular contact with him. I have heard nothing from her for a month or so, was worried to be honest. I then get an email from my ado brother saying that he was meeting up with her. It peed me off because I haven't had a chance to meet her yet. I know I sound like a spoilt brat. It's just hurtful

OP posts:

ComeOVeneer · 12/06/2008 13:55

Did you give your brother her details, did he search for her? I am curious as to how the 2 of them got in contact with each other.

barnstaple · 12/06/2008 13:56

I queried you yesterday and then apologised. I'm afraid I'm querying you again today. I really don't understand what your problem is. Why did you confront her? What was there to confront her about? She hasn't done anything wrong.

I'm afraid that if I found I had a sister who made a fuss if I met up with a brother before I met up with her I would wipe her off my facebook friends too. You have no reason (or right) to try to control who she does or doesn't meet up with.

RTKangaMummy · 12/06/2008 13:59

Right so you have:

A B C D who are biological sisers with same mother and/or father as you

you were adopted and your bro from adpopted family have met A B C D but you haven't met any of them

MarmadukeScarlet · 12/06/2008 14:00

I do think it is a little insensitive of your faster/adoptive brother to see your sister without you and before you.

Original poster

knockedgymnast · 12/06/2008 14:10

My head is also hurting typing this. I know it's confusing. I told my ado brother nine months ago that I was in touch with two of my sisters. A couple of months ago, I introduced her to facebook so that I could send her some pictures of our late mother, whom none of us met. We all have different fathers(?!!). Anyway my ado brother said that he had sent her a message on facebook and it was left at that. It was only until yesterday that he told me he was going to see her. I haven't met any of my sisters, it's all strange and all weird

OP posts:

ComeOVeneer · 12/06/2008 14:16

Hold on you said "It was only until yesterday that he told me he was going to see her". But I thought you had made an arrangement (that he then cancelled) that all 4 of you where going to meet up?

ComeOVeneer · 12/06/2008 14:18

And earlier you said "None of us sisters have met each other". Yet you have said 2 of the sisters live together!?!?!

Greyriverside · 12/06/2008 14:21

To be honest I don't see what it has to do with you? You told him how to contact her. He did and eventually got around to seeing her. In the meantime you didn't get around to it even though a year has passed. is that right?

I don't know why she has now said she wants nothing to do with you, but if she knows you think you have the right to decide who she meets that could be the reason.

On MN I see a lot of threads saying that 'some relative shouldn't have done this or that without consulting me' In fact no one has any 'rights' over what their relatives do. At most you could say "it would have been nicer if"

MKG · 12/06/2008 14:54

OK let's see if I can get this straight.

You have foster brother.

There are four sisters that haven't all met each other, but two live together.

Foster brother meets one of the sisters.

You get angry.

OK my questions are?

What business does your brother have in this?
If you know where she lives why don't you just go see her?

tess321 · 13/06/2008 19:31

Perhaps your brother fancied her, shagged her and it all went tits up. Or your brother came across as a bit of a weirdo to her and made her think that you would be too.

Sounds like she believes that you havent made enough of an effort with her so she's decided not to bother with you. If she was adopted too then she'd be vunerable to feelings of rejection as you know.

annh · 13/06/2008 20:12

KG, in your message of 13.45 you described your brother as your "bio" brother but I thought he was adopted? I'm also confused about the four sisters who have never met and live far apart but two of whom you also say live together?! How did your brother (adopted/biological/whatever) get in touch with this sister in the first place?

Acorn44 · 27/10/2016 17:14

OP, have you thought about moving this to the 'adoption' topic? You may be more likely to find people who've been in similar situations there. I can see why it's an AIBU, but it's also very adoption/attachment specific.

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