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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To dob in family member - benefits

564 replies

Dragonsfoot · 06/01/2026 23:16

I have a relative that does have health problems. They went to tribunal and were awarded higher rate PIP and have a motorbility car apparently supported by a Rottweiler of an advocate. I have no gripe that they deserve something - occasional falls, mild mental health problems, physical health problems that require monitoring and support and mild difficulties dressing themselves due to joint problems but don’t actually need to be helped. They do have a disability.

However, they are able to walk miles most of the time, decorate their home, complete domestic tasks and attend social activities on a very regular basis on foot. Morally torn. They probably will struggle without the money. Would DWP even do anything kind of thing. Either way I feel a bad person.

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 07/01/2026 13:21

Thirdchildjoy · 07/01/2026 13:19

Did you get strong advice? I used our local PIP helper who helped with the forms and did a mock interview with me to help with the questioning etc. I had to pay her a bit but the pay back was quite quick. I think of it like those people who who tax advisors to prepare their returns and reduce their tax bill.

No, unfortunately I did it by myself and not very well. I'm quite over whelmed with life.

user1492757084 · 07/01/2026 13:22

Just be happy for their good luck.

ForWittyTealOP · 07/01/2026 13:23

Justdoitalreadywillyou · 07/01/2026 13:18

My point is if things change then benefits should be stopped if they wouldn’t be awarded if they were a new claimant. Things change and so should the benefits paid as a result.

That's built into the law. Claimants of any benefit need to let the DWP know if anything changes. Did you not know that?

BunnyLake · 07/01/2026 13:26

Frequency · 07/01/2026 10:42

What I have never understood is how do people know enough about, often virtual strangers, to confidently say they are gaming the system?

I can honestly say I have never had a conversation with some random bloke in a pub about the ins and outs of their health condition or benefits entitlements. I'd be very concerned if some bloke I barely knew started chatting at me about his personal financial information, to the point where I would probably contact adult social services rather than the benefit fraud hotline.

Obviously, it is different with family, but even then, it confuses me how people know enough about distant relatives' health and finances to confidently deduce that they are not disabled or even what precise benefits they are claiming.

I know my BIL gets some benefits for disability due to severe mental health issues, but I don't know which benefit, or what his award was based on, because why the fuck would I?

I know his mental health is poor enough to see him sectioned occasionally, but I don't know the ins and outs of how his health impacts him on a daily basis because again, why the fuck would I?

Yes, yet some people here seem to know all the comings and goings of neighbours and colleagues, all their conversations with other people, all their activities away from home. Their curtains must be fraying at the seams with all that twitching 😏

So it appears for a number of people that unless you are bed ridden or housebound you are probably playing the system?

TigerRag · 07/01/2026 13:30

user1492757084 · 07/01/2026 13:22

Just be happy for their good luck.

Sorry what?

Frequency · 07/01/2026 13:32

Thirdchildjoy · 07/01/2026 13:19

Did you get strong advice? I used our local PIP helper who helped with the forms and did a mock interview with me to help with the questioning etc. I had to pay her a bit but the pay back was quite quick. I think of it like those people who who tax advisors to prepare their returns and reduce their tax bill.

Without meaning to speak for @Thirdchildjoy I'd like to point out that the need for this is that the questions posed to claimants aren't always straightforward and are not always given in context. This is why some people might need to practice in mock interviews.

When my Dad was first assessed, the assessor asked him who walked his dogs, how often they were walked and how long for. He believed they were asking after the welfare of his pets; he didn't realise they were asking because they wanted to make a judgment on his ability to walk, so he answered honestly, he exercises his dogs for an hour each day. It was then noted that Mr Frequency can walk 3 large, strong dogs for an hour daily.

What was not written was that this "walk" consisted of him driving to a secure field, opening the boot and letting the very elderly dogs pottle around the field while he sat in the boot to recover from the exertion of getting out of the car to open the boot. The "walk" was an hour because it took him that long to catch his breath enough to get back into the car and drive back home.

He didn't tell the assessor that because he didn't realise that was what they were asking. He was given the full award on appeal after being rejected the first time.

Boomer55 · 07/01/2026 13:37

Justdoitalreadywillyou · 07/01/2026 13:06

If they are getting benefits that they shouldn’t be entitled to then I do hope that gets found out and stopped. Money should be given to those in need and if those needs change then they go elsewhere.
Welfare system is fucked and we need to do something to reduce the bill. That does not mean to stop giving money to disabled people before anyone thinks that’s what I am saying.

I agree with that principle. Of course only those honestly entitled to any benefit should be the only ones who get it..

But, random relatives, friends, pub goers, neighbours etc shouldn't be the ones who decide to judge it.

VillaDiodati · 07/01/2026 13:38

ThisTicklishFatball · 07/01/2026 01:14

OP

I'm just not feeling like being as kind as everyone else right now.

If you’re so determined to wreck someone’s life out of envy, jealousy, and a warped sense of justice or morality, and you believe a person with disabilities who receives state support doesn’t deserve anything good, why not live that reality yourself? Why not go through an accident that leaves you disabled if you think that’s fair? Why not lose your hands, other vital parts of your body, or your mobility to make things “equal” and “worthy” in your eyes? It would be something to watch you struggle to survive, fighting for state aid. Even more ironic would be imagining you stuck at home doing absolutely nothing, since you think people with disabilities can’t do anything and shouldn’t have anything you don’t approve of—doing nothing you believe that family member can’t do because of her disabilities. If she can’t do what you disapprove of, then by your logic, neither can you.

P.s: For goodness' sake, here's some advice for anyone reading this: never share your financial matters with anyone you don't trust completely! There are people out there who would love to destroy you.

Edited

My God! The drama!!

VillaDiodati · 07/01/2026 13:41

ForeverLoveCeltic · 07/01/2026 04:30

This x 100! That you would do such a rotten thing to anyone far less a family member! Decent people despise a grass.

And here we have it. This is where the DWP's mythical 0.0000000% PIP fraud rate comes from.

RanchRat · 07/01/2026 13:43

I wonder if you are suffering from envy to be so invested in your relative's affairs.

VillaDiodati · 07/01/2026 13:48

LilyBunch25 · 07/01/2026 04:34

Haven't a clue. There you go. I represent at tribunals as part of my job. The tribunal panel scrutinise all evidence thoroughly, ask extensive and detailed questions and only decide on an award after significant deliberation and examination of all that evidence. Unless you literally live that person's life and are privy to their movements and how they manage their conditions 24hrs a day, who are you to make this kind of judgment? Incredible.

But surely this argument can also work the other way? Unless the assessor is on the claimant's shoulder 24/7 how do they know the symptoms etc are not being exaggerated?

Thirdchildjoy · 07/01/2026 13:50

Boomer55 · 07/01/2026 13:37

I agree with that principle. Of course only those honestly entitled to any benefit should be the only ones who get it..

But, random relatives, friends, pub goers, neighbours etc shouldn't be the ones who decide to judge it.

No a Judge should judge it as would have been the case in the Tribunal in this case.

BunnyLake · 07/01/2026 13:52

DeposedPresident · 07/01/2026 08:22

Like @BunnyLake I have a chronic illness that over the past 2 years along with the pressures of raising a disabled child has seen me reduce my working hours from being a full time professional (solicitor) to part time to less than part time to engaging in minimum wage temp work to now not working at all. It's an illness that is supposedly 'not progressive' but I sure as shit know it is and others in my support group know it is too. Just that science has not yet caught up with that it seems. I am eligible for PIP but have not applied because applying foir DLA for DS was such a traumatic experience and so far we are manging to live off DH's income. People might see me doing the school run. going out for dinner and walking to the shops and back. What they don't see is the 10 days I spent in bed over Christmas where I needed help from DH to get from bed to sofa so i could watch my kids open their Christmas presents. They did not see my children putting up the Christmas tree and taking photos of it on their phones to bring to me in bed.

After going to the shops yesterday (just my local high street a ten min walk away) and doing some lightish housework like emptying and filling the dishwasher, by night time I had to get my son out of bed to switch the plugs off low sockets (tv, lamps etc) because I could no longer do a simple activity like bending to switch off a socket. After a night’s sleep I am able to do more light activities but by bed time I will be in agony again. This has been my life for over two years now with no sign of improvement. I am hoping the physio will finally have some idea of how to fix this. Dr gives me meds but that is just a short term band aid.

I don’t get financial aid as was declined and can’t face it again.

Donttellempike · 07/01/2026 13:53

On the off chance that this thread is not a wind up.

I am very glad I know no one like you OP. You are truly the worst of us

Thirdchildjoy · 07/01/2026 13:55

Donttellempike · 07/01/2026 13:53

On the off chance that this thread is not a wind up.

I am very glad I know no one like you OP. You are truly the worst of us

Sadly many posters think like the OP. It is more important that they get their second ski holiday than they contribute enough to look after the vulnerable in society properly.

Parsleyandthyme · 07/01/2026 14:00

benefit expenditure overpaid in FYE 2025 was 3.3% (£9.5bn)
Quote from the Gov website above
What's most amazing isn't 9.5bn fraud but that 9.5bn is only 3%!!!!

ForWittyTealOP · 07/01/2026 14:15

Parsleyandthyme · 07/01/2026 14:00

benefit expenditure overpaid in FYE 2025 was 3.3% (£9.5bn)
Quote from the Gov website above
What's most amazing isn't 9.5bn fraud but that 9.5bn is only 3%!!!!

Not that amazing when you consider that the greater part of benefit expenditure is pensions.

I suppose your level of amazement depends on whether you want to live in a society that protects older and disabled people and families from falling into destitution.

VillaDiodati · 07/01/2026 14:23

GlassofRosePorfavor · 07/01/2026 08:04

Snitches get stitches

Pathetic. Are you on the take yourself?

VillaDiodati · 07/01/2026 14:33

KuanKaKu · 07/01/2026 07:24

Refocus your efforts on those with excessive wealth, yet paying minimal taxes! Therein where the problem lies… tax avoidance costs more than benefits cheats

So by your logic we should all just turn a blind eye should we?

Thirdchildjoy · 07/01/2026 14:53

VillaDiodati · 07/01/2026 14:33

So by your logic we should all just turn a blind eye should we?

No you should turn a compassionate eye.

VillaDiodati · 07/01/2026 14:53

CautiousLurker2 · 07/01/2026 08:33

Honestly - they don’t monitor unless an officious neighbour or - cough - relative reports them with actual evidence. They took 8months to process our claim due to backlog - a straightforward evidenced claim with an initial in person interview with DWP (to vet me, as much as DD) and then via zoom to do the actual assessment for my DD herself. They simply do not have the manpower or budget to be snooping and spying. That’s a myth rooted in the wishful thinking of anti-benefits [possibly right wing] handwringing.

Please don’t let it stop you making a claim because if they deem you as eligible you should take the money and use it to support pain management therapies that just aren’t available on the NHS, or to get a cleaner - no one has to know you receive it. It is no one else’s business, so if you are awarded it, just keep it to yourself. Judging by this post, I wouldn’t even tell family!!

Edited

'They simply do not have the manpower or budget to be snooping or spying. That's a myth rooted in the wishful thinking of anti benefits[possibly right wing] And here's another reason to laugh at the mythical 0.00000% PIP fraud rate. This thread is the gift that keeps on giving. Oh and of course anyone who objects to benefit fraud absolutely MUST be right wing.

VillaDiodati · 07/01/2026 14:59

mydogisthebest · 07/01/2026 08:54

I very much doubt anything would come of you reporting. I have reported my neighbour numerous times who supposedly has such bad anxiety and panic attacks that he cannot leave his house so therefore cannot work.

He in fact leaves his house every single day. He goes shopping most days, he walks his dogs, he visits his girlfriend, he sees his son. Oh and he also works most days cash in hand.

He has been getting away with this for over 3 years.

Maybe it's the thought of work that triggers the panic attacks? Just a thought.

Ohthatsabitshit · 07/01/2026 15:08

I think the problem is that the issue is not really that there are huge numbers of people scamming the benefits system. It’s that the government have decided that there isn’t enough money to support all the disabled people so they are going to move some disabled people out of the disabled category and rebrand them as able. In order to cover the fact that they are basically cutting loose vulnerable disabled people to save money they have decided to allow this (or perhaps promote this) idea that these are just bludgers who need to try harder.

It’s nonsense of course. Unsupported needs lead to more expense down the road not less.

VillaDiodati · 07/01/2026 15:21

Thirdchildjoy · 07/01/2026 14:53

No you should turn a compassionate eye.

I have all the compassion in the world for people who are genuinely disabled.