Filthy inlaws

[Menocrazy]

I wish I could ignore it but I can't. The MIL used to host the family Christmas and gatherings, but is now elderly. For the last few years the BIL has done it. My issue is his house is filthy, kitchen is disgusting and we sit on clutter. Even with 20+ people. It's so embarrassing and no one will say anything. I've suggested we meet somewhere neutral but they won't. We don't live locally. DH doesn't see a problem either.

I'd refuse to go. My MILs house is filthy, I couldn't eat there.

I just couldn’t eat there. Does your DH not see the dirt. No chance.

I wouldn’t go to eat in a dirty house for any reason,

I would stop going.

Next time you could be unwell…
So would have to stay at home.
”Sorry to miss it this year, in-laws!”
Meanwhile… Food, movies, wine.

No I would not eat there either. Let your husband go, and you and the children if you have any stay behind.
It's one thing to live in clutter and filth, quite another to expect guests too. He should clean and tidy before people he invites come.

I don't go to every event, but have to do Christmas. My own family live nearby and it makes me look uptight if I went to one and not the other.

you don't have to do any such thing though.
But you can decide for yourself: is it worse to be thought uptight or have to spend time in and eat in a filthy house?

I know what i would choose.

Why do you care about looking uptight? You really do not have to go.

"have to" - really? You do realise you are (presumably) an adult?

There's no way in hell I'd be sitting in a filthy house never mind eating in it!