To think being a mother is a constant worry.

[Parentingadvice]

I love my kids more than anything and our live wouldn’t be the same without them. They are teens now and no major issues but I feel I am constantly worrying about one thing or another; perhaps SAD and menopause isn’t helping at the moment.

It is being responsible for another human wellbeing when you also have to deal with your own issues and everything else. Perhaps teens are harder as they don’t tell you much and you don’t know what is happening with them, just have to guess whether they are ok or not; plus the influence of social media, peers, drug risks, etc.

How other parents feel? Any advice?

I think I am growing old before I am due.

I decided not to have children. I admire those of you who did. I couldn't live with the constant worry every single day. Selfish? maybe, but I have no regrets. None.

@Calamitousness i was responded to those who’d said they worry about teens being away from them, who they are with, what they are doing etc.

Both mine have had very tricky times. My 13 yr old is autistic and spent 18 months out of school and very mentally unwell. She’s doing well now. I suppose of course I never wanted to feel that way, wish I could have made her better etc. I don’t think too much about the future, because things change so much. I figure both will be fine, because most people are.

I have very low expectations though, not of them, but of the normal- Uni, job route. In part because of my autistic dc. The most important thing to me is that they are happy and well. Don’t care with who, or where, or what they do or if they reach some academic or social potential.

Mine are all in the 20s. My eldest two boys are off doing their own thing, and in the nicest possible way I worry very little about them.
DD however is a different matter. She's still at home, and has health issues that put her in ITU a year ago. She's unwell again at the moment, so the worry is particularly acute right now. I'm terrible for catastrophising and even when she's well the anxiety is there niggling away.

Yes, once you're a mother you are (or at least feel) responsible for another human being for the rest of your life. Every little knock they suffer, so do you. Anyone who thinks it all ends when they leave home and get married or whatever, has probably never had kids.

I don't think that's selfish at all! I didn't have kids for the same reason. Couldn't stand for them to go through one second of pain.

I only wish more women would read this kind of thread before having kids as I think if women knew what a lifetime of anxiety kids brought in today’s world they would be far less likely to become mothers. I feel we have a responsibility to not sugar coat it as it’s very bleak at times.

Yes, parenting is for life and the saying that you are only as happy as your least happy child is true.
Whether it's very good, very bad or anywhere in between, it never ends

Yep currently waiting for my 14 year old DD to arrive home after being out at a restaurant this evening in a busy part of the city.

Along with the 16 year old son it’s just no fun at all is it? Was fun and games when they were small and cute and all this seemed a million miles away. Honestly my nerves are shot.

I care about them and think about them, but I never worry about them. I think you can change your thought patterns rather than accepting it as inevitable.
My mother does nothing but worry about us and try to stop us doing things she worries about like going abroad or drinking coffee and it’s destroyed her relationship with all her children.

Yep and it doesn’t stop when they move out and are independent.

@Sassoonstill wouldn’t change it though - best thing I’ve done with my life

Yes when they become adults you have to force yourselves to leave things to them.
Mostly I do that!

Yes I agree with that. I could text mine all day long asking what they are up to, what they are having for dinner etcetera....but they dont want their mum breathing down their necks....I sure didn't want it either at their age (20's).

DS is 27 and I still worry like mad. He is happy, working in a job he enjoys, has loads of friends, but I still worry. Sorry! 🤷‍♀️

Are people really naive enough to not realise this? That’s frightening. Surely you don’t have to have a kid to know it’s worrying and stressful?

My Dmum is the same - every trip out or life event she tries to veto. It's very wearing to have to deal with.

My IL were super laid back parents entirety of DH chidlhood - and he did get in dangerous situations becuase of it - but when he was an actual adult they seem to have more problems - getting married and having kids and buying a house- managaing career they've seemed to really struggle at seeing DH or I as proper adults.

I think everyone assumed I would be same- but TBH I'm not really and DH isn't either.

Older two at Uni I assume are fine - they can get in touch with us DGP or each other and many friends or support mechanisms round them- they are smart cookies and generally better prepared for life than I was at same age.

Maybe it will get worse when DD1 enters work force proper but I don't think so. I did worry DS is often ditzy and unprepared but he's been given tools to help him and he either uses them or doesn't and without us to step in he has to step up and I think it's doing him good.

My mum shouted at me on Sunday because I'd left it 36 hours before returning her call. I've had a few health problems and she was worried. I'm in my 60's and she's 80 🙄

Oh definitely naive enough - all
you have to do is read all the comments on threads like these from women who say it’s never a worry for them and they’ve never lost a minute’s sleep - women will read that and think it’s true. Why wouldn’t they believe them?

My 4 are all grown. Got good jobs, good partners, nice houses. I then bought 2 dogs who I now worry about as much as I worried about the kids.