To think being a mother is a constant worry.

[Parentingadvice]

I love my kids more than anything and our live wouldn’t be the same without them. They are teens now and no major issues but I feel I am constantly worrying about one thing or another; perhaps SAD and menopause isn’t helping at the moment.

It is being responsible for another human wellbeing when you also have to deal with your own issues and everything else. Perhaps teens are harder as they don’t tell you much and you don’t know what is happening with them, just have to guess whether they are ok or not; plus the influence of social media, peers, drug risks, etc.

How other parents feel? Any advice?

I think I am growing old before I am due.

Same with me I have 3 teen dds one that has autism and I worry constantly about them and their futures. I had a colleague that said to me once that you are only ever as happy as your least happy child and I think, for me, that is so true. You are so emotionally entwined with them it can be hard to get perspective on it

Yep I feel the same I'm so worried about them

And what will happen to them.
They are both vulnerable in different ways

Same here

I am constantly worrying about something regarding the kids

Oh they forgot their folder for school...

Oh what happens if they fall into deep water (lots before they were competent swimmers)...

Oh what if DD has another anaphylactic shock...

Etc etc

I don't have any special tricks, I just tell myself firmly not to be daft. Seems to work!

I worry all the time too

It’s reassuring to me that I’m not the only one feeling like this, I’ve felt abnormal for so long re my anxiety and particularly being a parent- it actually helps to know others have the same struggles.

I have a young adult and a teen and feel the same. I try very hard not to be over protective but anxiety is something I’ve struggled with my whole life and it probably has affected my parenting to a degree (I’m not proud of that). I’m also peri so definitely finding that a contributing factor. My brain automatically jumps to worse case scenario and I have to work hard at rationalising. Sometimes I do want to be by myself on a tropical beach somewhere with no one to worry about. Doesn’t help that I have elderly parents to worry about too.

I’m trying hard to make some changes though, I might try the book too…

I hate to say it but it never goes away my eldest is 40!

This is one of the reasons I chose not to have children. I am a worrier and I would have been eaten alive by anxiety.

One trick I have learned is when you feel yourself catastrophizing, rather than thinking “what if” change it to “even if”. It gives you some control back.

Yep I think being a mother means worry is a pretty constant companion 😔 mine are all adults now and I still worry and have sleepless nights. I think in some ways it's harder as they get older because they will make their own decisions and mistakes and you can't always make things better for them. They say you're only ever as happy as your least happy child and I think that's true.

My mum always said this when I was younger and she still does. It's true 😅😳😢

Yanbu. One has food allergies so everything is a worry.

Same. Having kids is a huge responsibility. Anyone who thought about it long and hard enough probably wouldn't have them! Not much point worrying unnecessarily AFTER you already have children though as there's nothing you can do because bad stuff does happen in life. It's why I never took the risk.

It never stops - I actually think it's easier when they are younger as you know where they are and what they are doing all of the time!

I find it much harder now they are older teens, driving causes me all sorts of anxiety. I can't sleep till their home. I have become so anxious in the last 5 years. It is definitely not normal.

‘Nothing is ever as good or as bad as it first seems’ - Bel Mooney says that quite a lot.

I work out how to cope with the worst case scenario. (That reassures me as I know it is very unlikely.)

However, I can’t cope with Switzerland and am avoiding the news as a result.

I always worry. My mum worries about me. I don’t think it’s avoidable.

You are not alone…I am driving myself round the bend at the moment worrying about my kids. It’s particularly bad with my youngest son who is nearly 18 and very sociable and popular..which is great …but he’s started going out a lot to parties..getting lifts with friends who are starting to pass their driving tests and get cars…learning to drive himself. I catastrophise constantly when he’s out…hes going to get alcohol poisoning…stagger into road drunk , die in a car crash, get abducted….mugged…
i wasn’t as bad with my older 2 so i think it’s definitely the menopause affecting me. I am a single parent so haven’t got a partner to share my worries and talk me down. I just feel this is my life now. Im trying so hard not to be over-protective and encourage him to live his best life but really i just want to wrap him in cotton wool and never let him go …its so tiring and the anxiety does get me down. I dont know what the answer is…the only thing that helps me is a vague belief in fate and if something is going to happen it will so no point worrying about it and trying to live in the moment,

I can never understand the MN attitude of distancing yourself from your kids at 18...... You will always worry about your kids, always.

We rang our respective mothers all our lives when we went abroad to say we arrived safely, and when we arrived back. We phoned when we left them, to say we got back safely. Still in our 50's and they in their 90's.

Our kids message too when they are away from their homes, not doing their normal routines.

DH and I have never not spoken to each other every day when we are at work, or away. Odd for some, normal for us.

It is entirely normal.

Yes - I’ve always heard once you become a parent you never stop worrying. In fact teenagedom is particularly hard because they are more independent and make decisions that may not be the best. It you have to let them make mistakes - you telling them something is not the same as them figuring it out themselves. And see them suffering from first breakup, agonising over exams, perhaps a bit of dabbling in drugs… then their first overnight music festival, first trip abroad with just mates - yikes! Anxiety city.

I just don't feel that others seem to be so anxious about that stuff, maybe they hide it well. I'm not even a particularly anxious person but I am really turning into a worrier.

Exactly. Anxiety city 😅

I think menopause does increase the anxiety. It is not healthy. I do take magnesium chelated which helps a bit, and do other things to help me; but I don’t think you will ever stop worrying as a mother, the love we have for our kids is bigger than any other love and we just want the best for them and no harm to come to them

Yes of course but anxiety disorder will always make this worse. My Gran has had it probably her whole life but wouldn’t admit to it. She sits worrying still not only about my Dad but also me. She panics about me working in a big city, about me driving, about me going abroad without my DH, even about me going on trains… She watches the news incessantly which worsens it, she thinks I’m going to get murdered or raped.

I avoid the mainstream news, I just stick to politics now which isn’t cheery either but I can’t read the other stories the news pedals out about murders, rapes, assaults, child abuse etc- it just depresses me way more than Putin and Trump.

What took me by surprise was that I’d still be worrying after all these years. When they’re babies and toddlers you expect to be hyper-vigilant to dangers, but you think it’s temporary. I thought it would get easier, but 30 years later it’s just as bad.

We have 5 DCs, so there’s always one who’s going through a tough time. I’m sure they have secret meetings and hand the crisis baton over to a sibling as soon as their problem has alleviated!