15 weeks pregnant and partner left

[Dotdot123]

I really need some advice please, I know the decision stands with me but I just need to know what others would do and if there’s anything I haven’t thought about.
My partner of 12 years decided over Christmas he was no longer happy and didn’t want to be with me anymore, obviously this absolutely broke me. Never mind the fact that I was 13 weeks pregnant at the time, we also have a 3 year old whirlwind boy! And another thing to throw in is that we bought a new house in November..
He doesn’t want me to continue the pregnancy, keeps telling me to think realistically that I’d be on my own and reminding me that I have days where I struggle with just with my 3 year old on my own and that we need to sell the house so need to think about where I’d be living.
I was adamant I wouldn’t abort, it’s a baby, we’ve seen it move around on scans, but I want to make sure I’ve really thought about it, what would you do if you were in my situation?

It's very personal, but from what you've said I think you'll regret it forever and hate yourself if you abort. I also think it would make any co-parenting arrangements even harder because you'll feel even more bitter about the whole thing. Your oldest will be close to school by the time the new one comes. You've got this.

I am so sorry your dealing with this. What a selfish arsehole! Do you have supportive family or friends?

There are no words to describe your ex-partner. Wow. Honestly you are better off without him. Agree with PP I think you'd regret forever if you aborted and that would impact the rest of your life. Go with your heart. You've got this! It may be tough but so is being with a partner who doesn't want to be involved. You're better off without him!

Ummm it might be hard now but I’m guessing you will manage like most people.

it’s amazing how you WILL manage when you have children alone, sometimes it’s easier as you get in a routine, your routine, and not have a partner there saying “ you find it hard with an active child already” as that’s not supportive is it. You may find you get stronger and happier and whole lot of other stuff.

iv been alone with a young child and with a long time partner with a child and both were good when it’s a happy environment. Don’t let change scare you.

How would it feel for the second child growing up with a father who doesn't want it, it shouldn't just be about what you want, if you cant cope now with one how will it be for the children if you have 2, what is best for the children not you

I was adamant I wouldn’t abort
That is the only thing that matters.
your ex doesnt want to pay or more connecting him to you.

…..and i would bet a pregnancy would be hard to explain to a mistress who believes you are not intimate anymore.

He is rushing you into house sale and abortion. There is a reason for that. probably another woman.

Do not be rushed. Do not be pressured. And speak to a solicitor.

It absolutely is about what she wants as this is her body and her decision.

Definitely do not be pressured into a termination of pregnancy or a house sale. Seek legal advice.
often women find life is easier solo parenting multiple children- without the manchild dragging you down !

All of this. It will look Very Bad to the mistress (who will exist!)

Be really honest with yourself.

I'm not sure I'd have it in me to start again with a newborn while needing to work enough to support the whole household and looking after a preschooler, but then I have no family support nearby. You aren't far from needing to think about covering school holidays either.

But - if you're thinking about termination because of things like the house, it's unwise to put it back on the market after a month anyway (indeed many buyers wouldn't get a mortgage on it). Don't be rushed.

If she was getting a tattoo, breast enlargement etcm I would agree but when creating another life no, and adults wonder why there is so much mental health issues in children

He's creating less baggage for his ow

I hope the OW has second thoughts about taking on a sleazebag who would leave his pregnant partner with a 3 year old to do it all alone. It does sound like there's another woman.

File for child maintenance for your 3 year old.

See a lawyer to see what to do about the house and custody.

Are you working and able to support yourself?

Your ex is trying to pressure you to do what benefits him, not you. Don't listen. Get your facts from the lawyer.

What does he mean, you would have to think about where you are living? Who owns the house - is it joint? Is he presuming you will have sole custody of the dc?

You sound like you want this baby, and that means living with the emotions that will come after a termination would be very difficult.

The pregnancy already exists so whether you keep it or you don’t, things will be difficult for a while. But it won’t be forever because people manage and move on.

@Dotdot123 I am so sorry. Men are so shit. This happened to me, though it was my first dc. I couldn’t abort even though I considered it and even went to an appointment about it.

Its such a personal decision that nobody can make for you sadly, but what I do know is you’d manage no matter how involved he is and that it sounds like from your post that you don’t actually want to abort. Women are incredible and you should absolutely remember that when making your decision. This isn’t about him. What an absolute scum bag he is.

Sorry OP you’re going through this .
What a fucking first class Prick he is .
It’s such shit what some humans do to others.
He’s only thinking about himself so don’t listen to his bullshit about what will you do with a second child you find the first hard to manage , & to think about where you’re going to live , the house has to be sold .( horrible man , stressing you like this when you’re pregnant ).
I can’t advise you whether to keep baby or not , it’s such a personal decision.
I think with something like this you go with your gut feeling.
Have you a supportive family?, are you working ?.
What’s that arseholes family like , are you close to them ?
You’ll be ok , it’s just shit at the minute x

Sounds like he doesn't want the first one either since he reminded OP she would be managing him on her own. From my own experience, I got so much love from my mum and extended family that it never crossed my mind to worry about my father not wanting me. I haven't thought about him at all till the day he died and I discovered I've inherited his flat.

It’s a really personal decision, one only you can make.

For me personally I think it would depend on the practicalities- how much support you have around you, finances/what you can afford, although it would break my heart to abort I think I’d be looking at these practical points to make my decision.

I wouldn't want to bring a child into the world where I'd be homeless, it's not financially viable but most importantly, the father isn't interested. It's giving them a shit start in life with the hope it won't stay shit.

I would take his thoughts and views out of this, because he is trying to influence your thinking. Objectively, where will you live and how much money will you have? Can you afford another baby and is that what you alone want, especially if he ends up not supporting you or spending any time with the child?

This^

God what an arsehole he is. Completely disregard what he says though, he’s only thinking of himself and paying child maintenance etc. Get yourself to a lawyer asap

I am pro choice and would never normally tell someone they should (or shouldn't) go through with a pregnancy, but I will say someone else telling you to is not a good reason to terminate!

I can't help but think he just doesn't want additional maintenance to pay to be honest.

Your baby is a non negotiable. Why should he/she be killed because the father is a selfish idiot.

He'll be wanting to keep the maintenance payments to one child.

Enjoy your new life with your two little ones.

I would carry in with the pregnancy I couldn’t terminate if I have seen movement in scans unless it was going to be devastatingly disabled

I would be telling him he is the father of kids and will be expected to step up for both, l
I would be seeking legal advice to see exactly what I would be entitled to from the house sale, and telling him that because he has made a decision to leave doesn’t mean that he gets to devastate your life even more by subjecting you to a termination that will not be nice for you, does he actually understand what happens? I would go into graphic detail

Wow are you the about to be ex? You sound like you're cut from the same cloth 🥱