15 weeks pregnant and partner left

[Dotdot123]

I really need some advice please, I know the decision stands with me but I just need to know what others would do and if there’s anything I haven’t thought about.
My partner of 12 years decided over Christmas he was no longer happy and didn’t want to be with me anymore, obviously this absolutely broke me. Never mind the fact that I was 13 weeks pregnant at the time, we also have a 3 year old whirlwind boy! And another thing to throw in is that we bought a new house in November..
He doesn’t want me to continue the pregnancy, keeps telling me to think realistically that I’d be on my own and reminding me that I have days where I struggle with just with my 3 year old on my own and that we need to sell the house so need to think about where I’d be living.
I was adamant I wouldn’t abort, it’s a baby, we’ve seen it move around on scans, but I want to make sure I’ve really thought about it, what would you do if you were in my situation?

He will look really bad leaving you for the OW (there is one) and you being pregnant. Easiest for him to get you to abort so he is free and clear.

You don’t want to, so don’t.

But do everything you can to plan, protect yourself and your children, get advice, legal and other, and move half of any shared money into a solo account.

Thinking what is best for children should come first makes me a man, ok then

BTW I am strongly pro-choice and most of the time on here I’m supporting women to terminate.

You don’t want to though.

They just bought a house and got pregnant together.

He did want this. But now doesn’t (for some reason - OW is the reason). Why should OP have to abort because he’s changed his mind? The baby was wanted. OP hasn’t changed her mind.

This is about OP's rights. She is an adult with capacity and she has the right to make the decision whether to carry her baby to term or not.

Her ex has something to gain here if she terminated. Less child support so he benefits financially. If there is another woman, he's likely lied to her and OP's pregnancy proves he's a liar. He's negging her parenting to manipulate her into a termination he wants and she doesn't.

Hopefully there's family and friends for support. But growing up with a father who abandoned them does not automatically mean these kids will be mentally ill, that's bullshit.

Someone once told me "you never regret having a child" and I think that's true, yes its hard but you know what you are doing this time. Women always find a way to make things work. Please listen to other posters and get some legal advice.

Every parent struggles and finds parenting hard, if they do not they are either not doing it right or hardly parenting.

Routine is massive as a single parent and you have time to prepare your 3 year old and build a solid routine. Honestly a good routine will help massively. Preparing as much in advance as you can such as easy to cook meals or freezing some meals In advance.

He's pressuring you so he pays less ££

He's an ex so dont listen to him, do what you want. If it were me I would keep the baby

That far along with a baby you want - no, I would not abort.

You do need to get your ducks in a row though. Is your employment stable? Will you have somewhere to live big enough for 3? Do you have RL support?

It's not what you want to hear but I think you should ask yourself what is best for your existing child.

I can't bear the whole 'just have the baby and it'll all turn out fine' rhetoric. Yes, it might eventually all work out okay but with a 'whirlwind' toddler who has just lost his family unit, a newborn baby, a crap ex who doesn't want at least one of the kids, reduced finances and nowhere to live, the odds are stacked against you and it's going to be very difficult for a very long time.

Go with your heart OP. Your ex is a massive prick and it sounds like you and your kids will be well rid of him. Agree with all PP, he has another woman, he doesn't want her to think you were still having sex and he doesn't want the additional child maintenance. Take absolutely no notice of what he says. Get all the advice and support from family and friends and make your own decision. If you want the baby you will make things work.
Sending lots of love, you must be really hurting but you can get through this. 🩷

The choice rightly so is completely yours.

You just need to think through everything. Are you ok if he decides he will only parent one of the children? Because I’ve seen that happen. Man pays for both but has zero interest in the child he didn’t want and cannot be forced to be.

This happened to me 15 years ago with 3 children 12 yr relationship,,,another woman was involved of course .
Take care of yourself op and don't act on anger or hurt .
As hard as it is try to be as rational as you can and always put you and your children 1st .
I know ha e a 26 ,25 22 and 15 yr old it was tough but my 15 yr old is my heart he got me through the bad times and his dad hasnt seen him since he was 1 🤷 his loss .

I bet you he has another woman on the side. What person can leave a pregnant woman during Christmas after being with each other for 12 years… also persuading you to not continue with the pregnancy!

Imagine if you have an abortion and a few months down the line he magically finds a new partner and is having a baby with her.

Please continue with the pregnancy if this is what you want to do. He will need to provide child maintenance for both, which he obviously doesn’t want to do. What an absolute selfish prick… he made you believe all these lies and gone ahead and bought a house together. Now he’s wants to back out of the arrangements… unfortunately having an abortion is not as easy as selling a house. He must be a narcissist devoid of emotion and empathy.

I would (and did) continue with the pregnancy in the exact same situation. I have no regrets. It’s been hard, exhausting and lonely at times but the joy they bring to my life made everything worth it. You can do it - don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Sending you love and support 💐

There is a whole group of Facebook called "I regret having children" with some harrowing stories. So I don't think it's true at all. But, fundamentally, the OP wants to keep the baby and so she will figure out how to make it all work.

You want the baby so he doesn’t suddenly get to decide on something so important at this stage. Everyone has times when they find parenting hard if they’re trying to do it well. You’ll find a way to make it work. But do put in a claim for child maintenance asap and seek legal support about the house.

Why would the house need to be sold? Courts often don’t want to disrupt children’s living arrangements too much.

One thing you might not have thought of is in years to come, your DS will have a sibling when you’re no longer here. It can be really lonely for only children. If you want to continue, you’ll manage and could be great. DH has an agenda in that it’s him who wants maybe to pay less maintenance.

What a dick. Keep your baby and get a solicitor

My wonderful grandbabies are being raised by a single mum whose partner also left when she was pg with #3. She doing an amazing job without him and so will
you @Dotdot123
Do you have family support or friends to talk to? He sounds like a selfish twat and maybe your life will actually be better without him dragging you down? I hope so.

Wow, what a dick!
He might be out of love with you, so why was he making a baby 13 weeks ago? He had his chance then to make a decision about controlling whether a baby comes? Or did he think you will literally get rid of baby on his whim so he can enjoy himself condomless? It's your choice and babies are difficult, teens are hard work and adult children exhausting, but there is 2 of you and 50/50 split will give you plenty of time to recover and deal with what's ahead.
He's not thinking of leaving you and kids too? Does he not think he had any responsibility?

5 years ago I was 8 months pregnant with a 2 year old when my then husband left.

Apart from their dad's threats and general awful behaviour, I found going from 1 child to 2 easier than being a first-time parent. I was more confident in what I was doing and had wonderful support from friends, family, midwife, health visitors etc.

The comment about you struggling with "just" your 3 year old on your own feels unfair, to say the least, given what he is putting you through. I think most parents have struggled with "just" their three year old at some points!

This is despicable wording. You need to remember OP is a real person and take your hateful pro-life agenda elsewhere.

OP, I’m sorry you’ve had to read this. Your ex is despicable as well and I’m so sorry for you that you’re in this situation. Sending love and light. You’ll make the decision that’s right for you.

Oh, and start telling everyone what he's doing/saying to you. History will quickly be rewritten by him, loveless marriage, no sex, you made demands....

I wouldn’t want two children by this pig you are describing, so I’m afraid I’d pick differently.