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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dating as a lone parent.

74 replies

SweetStrawberries · 06/01/2026 19:19

Im a lone parent and I have my children full time. I’d like to start dating again but having my children full times makes that pretty much impossible (unless you have lots of family help which I don’t) I have spoken to a few people who have told me it’s possible by paying for sitters. Personally having looked into this I really don’t think it is realistic. I don’t know any irl so I checked out child care webites and they average £20 an hour in my area plus minimum booking so roughly £60 for an evening! Thats without adding in dinner and drinks. So more realistically £100 a date. I don’t think lone parents are paying £100 every time they go on a date?! That would be massively unaffordable for the majority I would think? And then throw in online dating im not sure any man is worth £60 a date! 😂 so if I wanted to see them once a week that could work out as £240 a month (without including the cost of dates) I don’t know any single parents that use sitters so perhaps there are loads doing this but I’m just not aware. AIBU thinking this would unaffordable/ unrealistic for most single mums? Or is this really how most other mums without support manage to date again?

OP posts:
RavenT · 06/01/2026 19:24

Lone parent here also have my son all the time. Agree with everything you've said! My son is 12 and have happily accepted until he's older it's not worth bothering with dating.

Bobiverse · 06/01/2026 19:25

I became a lone parent when my oldest was 2 and my youngest was 6 weeks old. Their dad walked out and we didn’t see him for 5 years, after that he turned up and now sees the kids twice a month.
I didn’t date at all. Nothing for those 5 years. Because I had the kids. When their dad started taking them overnight when they were 6 and 8, I started dabbling in dating but with the kids being so young, I just didn’t have the drive or energy for it and only had once every two weeks so it didn’t really give enough time for meeting anyone. I just stopped trying.

I waited until they were older and their dad had them a bit more but I could also leave them home alone for a few hours. They were 11 and 13 when I started taking dating seriously. I’ve been with my partner for 2 years now; he was absolutely worth waiting for and it was right for me not to date at all until the kids were older because I’d never have a man around the kids so it wasn’t possible.

You sort of just have to accept that you need to wait.

SweetStrawberries · 06/01/2026 19:27

Bobiverse · 06/01/2026 19:25

I became a lone parent when my oldest was 2 and my youngest was 6 weeks old. Their dad walked out and we didn’t see him for 5 years, after that he turned up and now sees the kids twice a month.
I didn’t date at all. Nothing for those 5 years. Because I had the kids. When their dad started taking them overnight when they were 6 and 8, I started dabbling in dating but with the kids being so young, I just didn’t have the drive or energy for it and only had once every two weeks so it didn’t really give enough time for meeting anyone. I just stopped trying.

I waited until they were older and their dad had them a bit more but I could also leave them home alone for a few hours. They were 11 and 13 when I started taking dating seriously. I’ve been with my partner for 2 years now; he was absolutely worth waiting for and it was right for me not to date at all until the kids were older because I’d never have a man around the kids so it wasn’t possible.

You sort of just have to accept that you need to wait.

Edited

I’ve waited, I’ve been single for nearly 9 years. But I would like to start dating now and wondering how other mums actually do it! Sitters seem very unaffordable and I’d be surprised if any mums actually date that way.

OP posts:
Bobiverse · 06/01/2026 19:31

SweetStrawberries · 06/01/2026 19:27

I’ve waited, I’ve been single for nearly 9 years. But I would like to start dating now and wondering how other mums actually do it! Sitters seem very unaffordable and I’d be surprised if any mums actually date that way.

Edited

If you’ve been a long parent for 9 years now then your kids must be older maybe? So they can stay home alone. That’s when waited 11 years to start dating. Because I wasn’t paying the cost of sitters, and I also concentrated on my kids when they were young.
You’ve done that now. How old are they? You can leave them at home. Not overnight obviously!

SweetStrawberries · 06/01/2026 19:34

No I can’t they are not old enough, he left when I was pregnant.

OP posts:
puzaru · 06/01/2026 19:35

Daytime dating. It's a thing. Brunch, lunch and coffee, picnics in summer

TiredofLDN · 06/01/2026 19:36

I’ve been a LP for 9 years. Just … don’t date!

If I really wanted to, I’d do babysitting swaps with my friends, or ask exDH to have DS. But I can’t be arsed.

Liondoesntsleepatnight · 06/01/2026 19:36

Sleep overs at friends?

calminggreen · 06/01/2026 19:38

Same here - ex husband left when twins were under a year old and older child barely into primary school. Finding a sitter is impossible especially one that will do twins and one twin has always been a nightmare at going to bed and I wouldn’t wish their bedtimes on anyone let anyone a sitter! I’m resigned to not dating for a decade or more which is pretty sad in my early 40s

SweetStrawberries · 06/01/2026 19:38

puzaru · 06/01/2026 19:35

Daytime dating. It's a thing. Brunch, lunch and coffee, picnics in summer

Work.

OP posts:
BreakingBroken · 06/01/2026 19:39

Day time dates, coffee lunch walk in the park.

SweetStrawberries · 06/01/2026 19:39

Thanks all im more just wondering if anyone actually is paying sitters to allow them to date?

OP posts:
puzaru · 06/01/2026 19:39

SweetStrawberries · 06/01/2026 19:38

Work.

Take an afternoon or day off.

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 06/01/2026 19:40

How old is your child/children? Perhaps in the near future they will be old enough to stay home alone for short periods or go to friends for sleepovers?

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 06/01/2026 19:41

SweetStrawberries · 06/01/2026 19:39

Thanks all im more just wondering if anyone actually is paying sitters to allow them to date?

I didn’t have to as I had family support at the time (20+ years ago).

Devuelta81 · 06/01/2026 19:42

SweetStrawberries · 06/01/2026 19:39

Thanks all im more just wondering if anyone actually is paying sitters to allow them to date?

I'm sure people who can afford it are! But I am in the same situation, it really isn't possible. Having said that, you don't really need to do one date a week, perhaps you would be able to do one less often? It probably will take time to find someone you want to keep seeing, realistically, given the state of online dating....

Bobiverse · 06/01/2026 19:43

SweetStrawberries · 06/01/2026 19:34

No I can’t they are not old enough, he left when I was pregnant.

Then you just have to wait a couple more years. It sucks. But it is what it is.

SweetStrawberries · 06/01/2026 19:43

Devuelta81 · 06/01/2026 19:42

I'm sure people who can afford it are! But I am in the same situation, it really isn't possible. Having said that, you don't really need to do one date a week, perhaps you would be able to do one less often? It probably will take time to find someone you want to keep seeing, realistically, given the state of online dating....

So how often would you see someone you are dating? Once a fortnight? Once a month? Im not looking for a fwb

OP posts:
SUPerSaver721 · 06/01/2026 19:43

Its so hard dating as a lone parent. Ive had 1 partner since becoming a lone parent and I had to introduce them quite quickly not through choice but because I struggled to get childcare. I work full time and just couldn't ask family to mind them for a night a week.

SweetStrawberries · 06/01/2026 19:44

Bobiverse · 06/01/2026 19:43

Then you just have to wait a couple more years. It sucks. But it is what it is.

I know that but people always say just get a sitter I don’t think they realise how much that costs.

OP posts:
Tiedyeegg · 06/01/2026 19:44

Me and a couple of friends who are also lone parents take turns watching each others kids regularly so we can go to gym, date, go to appointments, get big jobs done in the house and whatever else we can’t do or can’t easily do with kids in tow.
Do you have anyone you could start a similar arrangement with?

Otherwise it’s a case of waiting until he’s old enough to be left home alone, unfortunately

Bobiverse · 06/01/2026 19:45

SUPerSaver721 · 06/01/2026 19:43

Its so hard dating as a lone parent. Ive had 1 partner since becoming a lone parent and I had to introduce them quite quickly not through choice but because I struggled to get childcare. I work full time and just couldn't ask family to mind them for a night a week.

I think that’s the wrong choice. As a lone parent, I chose “don’t date” over “introduce random strange man to my children quickly.”

Your kids really do need to come first 🫤

Lmnop22 · 06/01/2026 19:45

It only worked for me when I dated someone I had known before and therefore trusted. He came round when the kids were in bed (they were little so went to bed early).

I would maybe be very selective and pay a sitter a couple of times for the right guy or take annual leave and do a day date until comfortable?

It’s a tough situation though when you have nobody at all to have them but obviously don’t want to expose your kids to every guy you first date with!

SUPerSaver721 · 06/01/2026 19:46

Bobiverse · 06/01/2026 19:45

I think that’s the wrong choice. As a lone parent, I chose “don’t date” over “introduce random strange man to my children quickly.”

Your kids really do need to come first 🫤

My children do come first. I never moved him in, I introduced him as my friend and he came over for dinner or to watch a movie after they went to bed. Its also only been one man not multiple.

blankcanvas3 · 06/01/2026 19:47

Do you have any friends/know anybody with teenage daughters? A 16 year old babysits for us, we pay her about £30 for 4/5 hours. Our DD’s are asleep by the time she gets here so 9 times out of 10 she just gets to sit on the sofa and watch TV