Dating as a lone parent.

[SweetStrawberries]

Im a lone parent and I have my children full time. I’d like to start dating again but having my children full times makes that pretty much impossible (unless you have lots of family help which I don’t) I have spoken to a few people who have told me it’s possible by paying for sitters. Personally having looked into this I really don’t think it is realistic. I don’t know any irl so I checked out child care webites and they average £20 an hour in my area plus minimum booking so roughly £60 for an evening! Thats without adding in dinner and drinks. So more realistically £100 a date. I don’t think lone parents are paying £100 every time they go on a date?! That would be massively unaffordable for the majority I would think? And then throw in online dating im not sure any man is worth £60 a date! 😂 so if I wanted to see them once a week that could work out as £240 a month (without including the cost of dates) I don’t know any single parents that use sitters so perhaps there are loads doing this but I’m just not aware. AIBU thinking this would unaffordable/ unrealistic for most single mums? Or is this really how most other mums without support manage to date again?

I'm a single parent but I have family support so haven't needed to pay a sitter. I didn't call in my rare none work babysitting until I was serious with my partner and just met right after work for the first few times then on the odd occasion their dad had them. We got lucky that we have the same days off mid week and work weekends though.

kids at sleep overs with friends?

Sorry just noticed they don’t have sleepovers

i personally don’t bother dating but it wouldn’t be that difficult to work it round kids social life’s , when they’re at clubs, friends houses, activities

Yeah that’s totally doable if they see their dad or family support, unfortunately I wouldn’t have either.

Any clubs clash and they aren’t all out at the same time but may work
for others

I used to work shifts and dated on my days off when kids were at school; an interesting array of doctors, artists and businessmen who could block an afternoon to go for lunch! Now my eldest is 16 so I can slip her £20 to look after her siblings for a few hours. When I met someone that I knew was serious, he came over after kids were in bed; he was an ex teacher and had kids of his own so I figured he was pretty trustworthy (and seems to still be 18 months later). I agree you can’t be paying that much for a night out!

@SweetStrawberries I was talking about literally just a film, not Netflix and chill 😂 I wouldn’t sleep with a guy for the first few months until I knew it was actually going somewhere. This is what I mean about taking things slow. And not when the kids were in the house!

If you want a quickie, book that babysitter once a month. Men are pretty amenable to strings free sex on your terms. I have a friend who sees a man once a month like this.

Ask at work if anyone with a teenager is free to babysit. Teens are keen on earning cash! I used a colleagues daughter and paid her £30 and snacks for 5 hours.

It’s a lot of work to date as a single parent. Lots of men aren’t interested, half the ones who are are weird or perverts and the other half you’re left with is a very small pool. But there are some guys out there if you’re willing to be creative and they are aswell and also willing to go slow.

After reading your post and all of your replies and reasons why you can't go out on dates the only answer is you'll have to wait a few more years surely.

I don't have the disposable income to pay for babysitters but have a number of friends who will do swaps and my kids go to clubs and sleepovers so its do-able. However I have chosen not to date, partly because of the very real risk to myself and my children from men. And so I use any time away from my kids to do other things like walks and lunches with friends, home improvements and shopping.

Im not looking for that im just saying thats what men will be thinking that it would be if they knew you was trapped in the house and couldn’t get out much I’ve spoken to single mums who online date and they say once men here they are a single mum they are like great I can come round when your kid is in bed then, so that’s what I meant by it would more likely attract those types of men than repel them

It's perfectly reasonable. I haven't died not dating for over a decade.

Being a lone parent is full on, why would anyone make their life even more busy than it already is?

I met my husband when my daughter was 4 and we dated during the day when she was at school. We’re both shift workers so actually worked out better for us.

Ive been single since dc were 9 months and 3 yo. I did try initially to date but it was too hard work and generally a total waste of effort and money so I gave up. 12 years on they are old enough that I can go out and leave them but I’m no longer interested 😆. If someone was to come along one day then great but I could ever go back to the likes of online dating. I’d certainly never have had men in my dc’s home. It’s their safe space.

My kids are practically adults now. They were 9 and 10 when I split from their dad. He was never involved.
I didn't have anyone to help out and watch the kids, I've never paid for a babysitter.
So I've never dated.
Lots of people seem to be suggesting day dates, but they don't work with a full time job. Using annual leave for a day date is ridiculous when you need it for school holidays etc, plus any man I would want to date would also have a job!

Short answer is, it was just too difficult, so I didn't bother.

Agreed . That’s why men find it much easier to find new partners . They have time for hobbies and to date where they get to meet new people . My kids are still too young and I don’t have family or spare money for a baby sitter so I’ve also chosen to not bother atm. It’s frustrating and I’m lonely , I do worry sometimes that I’ll be alone forever but hopefully as the kids get older l get more freedom and will be able to date again. I miss the closeness with another person.

You’ve had a lot of suggestions and none seem feasible by you our responses - so it appears to be Hobsons Choice and you wait till kids are older , end of

I’m a lone parent to 7 year old twins. Ex husband walked out when they were a year old.

I haven’t really dated. Logistically it’s too hard and I’m also too knackered most of the time.

It is shit and I empathise. Men would NEVER be expected to give up emotional support/a sex life for potentially a decade plus. Women are expected to just suck it up. Actually pisses me off when people on here say you need to just stay alone and not be bitter about it. Personally I am fucking raging about it six years down the line. I have to stay alone while my ex is out there free to chase relationships and his career goals.

You could power the national grid off my anger.

Well I did when my kids were younger. It's very difficult but if you can't afford say £10 for an hour to meet someone, can't use your work lunch break and understandably wouldn't/shouldn't want someone in your house you are going to have to come up with something to offer them or except possibly that you don't have the head space for it at the moment.
I went through loads of times where I just couldn't be bothered with it over 12ish years and now I have met someone totally lovely. My kids are older, 18yr old is off to uni in September and my 14yr always seems to come out of his dark man cave (bedroom) as soon as my boyfriend turns up so its all good.

Who is offering £10 for an hour? How long ago was that? The babysitters i see were saying minimum booking of 3-5 hours.

Have you had a look on your towns community FB page if there is in? Ours often had sitters advertising on there for around £10 which is cheaper and no minimum.

Dont think id use a random person advertising on facebook. Sounds a bit dodgy.

Exactly! This is my point. I cant see any man staying celibate for 10 years. It leaves you a lot of time to think and become bitter like me.

Well I did also say to look on facebook groups for nursery/k1 stage people who do babysitting as an extra income. You have just replied that these are random people to another poster but actually you can ask for references and dbs certificates. I have had a few and always got other people or vouch for them or have asked friends who they use.