My boyfriend is paranoid that I'm chatting inappropriately with other men on social media.

[Peapod2016]

When I met my boyfriend 9 months ago I was still connected with some people on social media that I'd previously dated. After a couple of months we became exclusive and he didn't like me still having these connections. I removed them all to make him feel more comfortable and was happy to do that as I didn't need to stay in touch with any of them. But since then he's still really paranoid and keeps asking if I'm talking to any other men or getting messages from any other men. He usually accepts it when I say no but recently he's been asking to look at my phone to see my message apps and phone photos. I don't feel comfortable with that as I feel like it's invading my privacy but if I refuse he takes it to mean that I'm guilty and I must be hiding something. At Christmas it got heated as we were both drunk and he got very angry and started throwing things around when I wouldn't show him my camera reel on my phone. Am I being unreasonable not giving him free access to my phone? I'm not hiding anything as I'm not talking to anyone but still want to keep some parts of my life private.

Ask yourself why you want to stay with him, OP. Where, genuinely, do you see a relationship going with a man who wants to check your SM useage or look at your phone to make sure you're not doing what you've already told him you're not doing?

This is not a sign of how much he loves you. It's a sign of what a jealous, immature and unpleasant man he is.

This.

You are in a controlling abusive relationship.
Get out.
Never feel you have to give your phone to anyone.
9 months?
You are wasting your time.
Unless you want to dnd up with a highly controlling abusive man that only gets worse?
How old are you that you don't know how wrong this is?
Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk assp

No no no. This is similar to an abuser I sadly hooked up with for about 6 months. Ended up with him pinning me to the wall by my throat and squeezing.

Not worth the risk, ever. Nobody should say who you can talk to, he's controlling. Please get rid.

This.

From a man who could not care less who his partner talks to, because I trust her -

Run.

The fact that he started throwing things around after you told him no, then that worries me he could escalate to being physical. He may not but is 9 months worth finding out?

I think the fact that you posted, means you know this isn't right.

It's okay to want privacy on a phone.

I know a lot of the time people say on here to ask to see their phone if suspect of cheating and their reaction says a lot. This proves this is not always true. It's okay to ask but respect the answer too.

I mean, what if you want to protect your friend's conversations, what if they have said something personal? It's a fine line to walk. I mean I'm okay if my partner wants to see my phone (he never does) but he certainly wouldn't throw things about if I said no! But we've been together 20 years.

Run now is my opinion.

💯

I’ve lived this life. It gets no better.

I don’t even have social media like FB! I got told off for replying to YouTube comments towards the end. He was a handsome and charming guy and I thought I’d won the lottery with him but his insidious control and constant accusations of cheating left me a nervous wreck and destroyed towards the end.

For reference I’m an introvert IRL and mainly WFH so the accusations were particularly wild.

Get out now.

Agree with everyone else - RUN. He is not a good man, he’s abusive AH. He’s already controlling you to stay in his good books (getting you to delete the ex’s) and making you show him your phone etc when you don’t want to. If he doesn’t trust you, he shouldn’t be with you. You’ve done nothing wrong - it’s not like you have a history of cheating on him and he only stayed if you agreed to show him your phone on demand. This should be the honeymoon phase…. So if this is him on his best behaviour, what will his worst be?

The throwing things when he didn’t get what he wanted from you shows he’s trying to frighten you. He’s a nasty, abusive man and you will become his punching bag if you stay.

Get any belongings you have left at his place (take a friend with you), box up his stuff and leave it at the same time. Get your locks changed even if you’ve never given him a key - he could have sneakily got one cut. Don’t see him again, text him to say it’s over and block him everywhere. Make it very clear on the message that you do not want to see him. If he shows up after that, call the police as you could be in physical danger. If you can, have someone stay with you, or stay with someone else for a few days.

Stay safe, but definitely escape whilst you still can.

All the red flags

Why would you put up with him after only 9 months? Yanbu to not let him look through your phone whenever he wants but if you stay with him then YABU. He’s shown you what he’s like so now you decide if you can spend your life with him like that

Chuck this one back in the bin 🗑️ OP.

Remember, with guys like this all accusations are confessions!

It will only get worse. Leave now.

That will only be the start,kick off if you go out then quiz the fuck out of you,alienate you from friends and family.
You'll end up a shell of who you are.

Time to say ta ta🙋

This is abuse. End the relationship.

I find that generally if a man is very jealous or suspicious, he’s either controlling or cheating himself

Massive red flag 🚩 , get rid. Seriously, he’s starting controlling coercive behaviour.

LEAVE HIM. LEAVE HIM. LEAVE HIM. Leave him. Leave him.

LEAVE HIM.

Run. For. The. Hills. Massive red flags. He'll only get worse. Leave him now before he drags you down.

🚪🏃🏼‍♀️💨

That's a significant amount escalation in just 9 months, he's very controlling and abusive, RUN.