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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is your family shrinking?

234 replies

sunshine244 · 06/01/2026 07:54

I know there's a trend for people to have fewer kids currently, and am curious is others are finding similar patterns.

My kids only have one cousin despite them having 4 sets of aunts and uncles in their 40s. There's not likely to be any more children due to circumstances/age.

My own 6 cousins (40s-50s) have only had 4 children in total, and again it is unlikely there will be more.

Family gatherings are a lot quieter than when I was a child!

OP posts:
Dragonflytamer · 06/01/2026 12:12

Yeap. I had 21 cousins, my kids have 6.

Ohcrap082024 · 06/01/2026 12:13

Yes. I had 6 cousins on my dad’s side and 8 cousins on my mum’s side.

My dc have 2 cousins.

Both my parents also had more cousins than I did. It’s generational shrinkage.

FlyingApple · 06/01/2026 12:20

I only had 3 cousins, my children have 11 cousins.

Howdoistopthecatshoutingatme · 06/01/2026 12:21

No.

What is sad is that families are becoming disjointed despite their sizes.

I have quite an extended family (my grandparents came from huge families and my parents have 11 siblings between them) and I may have 21 cousins but I'm not 100% sure. I know one of those has a child but I couldnt tell you anything else about any of them. I havent even met some of them! I suspect their are lots of children.

My youngest brother has 2 children but I haven't had any contact with him in years. I couldnt even tell you where he lives.

So in theory I have a huge family. In reality, I could walk past 99% of them in the street and not know who they were so my family is actually my parents and older brother and his partner (no children), plus my husbands small family, most of whom only see each other at Christmas. His cousins have no children.

ThisTicklishFatball · 06/01/2026 12:37

Not in my family’s case, and I’m including every branch from both maternal and paternal lines.

Family doesn’t always gather for celebrations, as everyone has their own life and some live far away. But we always try to make the effort to reunite. Seeing everyone at least once a year can be tough and doesn’t always happen, but whether the gathering is big or small, it’s always fun.

I have two children, while my siblings, who are in their late 20s to early 30s, don’t have any yet—maybe they never will, I’m not sure. My cousins have between two and four, my parents had four, my grandparents had nine, my great-grandparents also had nine, my great-great-grandparents had ten, and so on.

We’re all from farming stock, so older generations had plenty of children, while younger ones tend to have up to four.

Farming families once had large households to ensure plenty of help for the demanding work, with everyone pitching in. But times have changed—government policies, taxes, financial pressures, and the rising cost of living have led to smaller families. Adding to that, today’s culture often views farming negatively, so many younger people choose different careers and move away from farm life, though there’s still some fresh young blood joining in.

MavisBarrel · 06/01/2026 12:42

I had more than 10 cousins growing up. DH had none. His parents were both only children.
My 2 DC have no cousins, neither my or DHs siblings had children.
Extended family meet ups are very sparse but DH has a group of old friends who are our equivalent we do multi generational get togethers with them sometimes and it’s like my old family gatherings but more fun !

pitterypattery00 · 06/01/2026 12:44

Maternal gran - 2 children, 4 grandchildren, 3 great-grandchildren

Paternal gran - 6 children, 17 grandchildren, 35 ish great grandchildren, 2 great great grandchildren

So maternal side of family has already started to shrink and I think the paternal side will (as I don't think the 35 great grandchildren will have 70 children between them given many are already adults)

Crunchymum · 06/01/2026 12:45

My family has exploded!

I have 3 first cousins, my kids have 19 first cousins and counting.

My parents had one sibling each (1 had 2 DC and the other had 1 DC). I have 3 siblings, DP has 6. Not that it matters but all are full siblings. So very big families who have almost all gone on to have multiple kids themselves.

zurigo · 06/01/2026 12:48

Yes, our family is shrinking. I'm one of two and had two cousins. DH is one of two and had one cousin. Neither of our siblings have had DC, so our DC have no cousins at all.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 06/01/2026 13:13

Yep. DS has four cousins (two on each side), I had 13, plus a ton of second cousins. DH has 7 I think. But apart from one of mine, I only really see them at family funerals now.

theresapossuminthekitchen · 06/01/2026 13:16

Yes, especially on one side - my maternal grandparents had 3 children, 8 grandchildren. My mum has 2 children, 2 grandchildren (both mine and my sister won’t be having any). Amongst my 7 cousins on that side there are only 2 children, both to the cousin closest in age to me. We see them quite regularly and think of them almost like cousins, because their dad is an only child so they’ve got no first cousins at all (mine have 3 from their dad’s side). One of my cousins only just got married at 38 but I think she’d like children, so she may have one or two. I think only one of the others, who is quite a bit younger and male, might have kids but I also wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t as he has only recently got a long term partner it wouldn’t really be easy with their lifestyle (extreme sports, travel, etc. but they are only in their mid-30s). So that’s a totally of 4 great grandchildren from the 8 grandchildren (with a possible 2-4 more, but we’ll see - either way, certainly no bigger than the generation before).

The other side was already small - my paternal grandparents had 2 children, 3 grandchildren. My dad has 2 grandchildren (obviously) and there won’t be more. His brother, who had his son quite late (early 40s) has one son, who has recently married and is only about 30, so they may have children.

Sassylovesbooks · 06/01/2026 13:31

My Mum has 1 brother, he had 2 sons, who in turn have 4 children between them. My Dad has 6 siblings, who have 13 children between them (myself included). Those 13 children have had 17 children between them!! My husband is the eldest of 4, and his younger brother has 4 children. My parents are in their 80s, so having lots of children back then was normal, as it was going back even further. Yes, families are shrinking. Many couples are choosing to have no children or may be 1 or 2. It's not often you see large families of 6-7 children nowadays.

CraftyNavySeal · 06/01/2026 13:32

I have 9 cousins, if me and DP have a child they will have zero aunts uncles or cousins.

Out of 8 of us cousins on my mums side none of us have children. On my dads side I was my 2 cousins only cousin but they have 5 kids between them so that side is expanding!

sunshine244 · 06/01/2026 13:41

Mamma28383 · 06/01/2026 09:56

Yes. DH and I both have siblings and cousins all approaching or are in our 40s, but we are the only ones with kids. Poor DC have no cousins and are unlikely to in the near future.

Our parents plus their siblings (previous generation) = 11
Their children (my generation) = 6 (2 of them unlikely to have kids)
Our children (next generation, my DC) = 2

Quite depressed for my DC looking at that. No family. SEN too so they actually need family to look out for them. I hope it’ll happen for my sibling who is mid 40s but they just ended a long relationship.

Edited

This is one of my biggest concerns. I have two autistic children. They will have few family to look out for them. I suspect quite a few of our wider relatives are also ND. I wouldn't be surprised if there's no grandchildren.

OP posts:
MuswellHillbillyBoy · 06/01/2026 13:41

We seem to hold steady as there are quite a lot of people in previous generations who either didn't marry or didn't have children.

My parents each had three siblings, but of these six, only three had children. I am one of two, and we had three first cousins on DM's side and three on DF's side.

Of these six cousins, only three had children, one on DM's side had three and there are three on DF's side.

I have two DC, and they have four cousins, one from XH's only sister, and three from my DSis.

But DSis is making up for everyone - her three DC have each had four, and the oldest of these also has four, so she has 19 offspring in total which easily outnumbers the rest of us put together!

Both my DC say they don't intend to have any children so I guess at some point DSis's DC will constitute the entire remainder of the family.

AxolotlEars · 06/01/2026 14:01

I have/had four uncles and their wives. I have 13 cousins.
My children have two uncles and their wives. They have 2 cousins.
I have six kids!

Coyote72 · 06/01/2026 14:09

My parents were both 1 of 3.
Dad's family: 2 children (me and my brother)
Mum's family: 6 children (including me and my brother.
My brother passed away and only me and one cousin had children. My son is the only children on my dad's side.

myglowupera · 06/01/2026 14:10

My family has always been small. 1 sibling, 1 cousin. Paternal grandparents died before I was born so that part of my life has never existed. Parents split when I was 11 so together family unit was no more. Brother moved to the army also when I was 11 so it was now just me and my dad in my childhood home. Maternal aunt and uncle have never had a child so no cousin there. My mum and dad both have 1 sibling each. My aunt on my dad’s side had one child. Same aunt died about 13 years ago. Cousin lives abroad. I love my brother lots and wish we saw more of each other but we have drifted apart. We do keep in touch but not enough. He has 2 children and is married but they live so far away so it’s not like a sibling who pops round for a cuppa while the cousins play. Nowhere near.

My wonderful maternal grandma passed away 4 years ago and it was devastating and massive loss. Still lucky to have my wonderful Grandad and I dread the day we lose him too.

I’ve got 4 children. Extremely unusual in my family and I love it ❤️. So I’m the other way.

IfIwasabluebird · 06/01/2026 14:30

Yes. I had 7 cousins. My dc's have three, two they never see as they are much older and in another country.

A shrinking family is something I'm very conscious of and it gets me down TBH. Fewer aunts and uncles, grandparents died long before mine ever did. We have had fewer children and had them later.

Manthide · 06/01/2026 15:11

Growing up we lived near my.cousins and we were all close in age. I have 12 first cousins, my dc have 2 ( on exdh's side as my late db didn't have any dc). Dgs has 3 so he's already doing better than his dm.

Lkt32 · 06/01/2026 15:34

I have no cousins. My mum was an only child. She had one cousin.
My Dad has a sister, who has no children.
Family gatherings were very small when I was a kid.

My kids have 3 cousins on one side and 3 step-cousins on the other side. So, more than I did.

Jan24680 · 06/01/2026 17:03

I have a brother and 10 cousins. My partner has a brother and 2 cousins (a further 2 have died) my sons will likely have no cousins. Of the 12 of our cousins they have produced 12 children so far. My parents cousins generally had very few kids as well. I will likely not live to meet my grandkids, 4 of my great grandparents being alive when I was born. I'd say our family has got smaller.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 06/01/2026 18:40

From a worldwide increase in population we certainly should be having less. My mum and dad were from large families back when there was a higher risk of mortality. They each had 7 siblings. I am one of 2, I have 2 and so does my sister. My DCs have 4 cousins, rather about the 30 odd that I had. So yes, big difference, but they know no different.

timetogetlost · 06/01/2026 18:45

I have 5 cousins.
My kids have 11 cousins.
So not true for us.

Christmaseree · 06/01/2026 18:45

I have 28 cousins, my DC have 7, my DH doesn’t have any.