Is your family shrinking?

[sunshine244]

I know there's a trend for people to have fewer kids currently, and am curious is others are finding similar patterns.

My kids only have one cousin despite them having 4 sets of aunts and uncles in their 40s. There's not likely to be any more children due to circumstances/age.

My own 6 cousins (40s-50s) have only had 4 children in total, and again it is unlikely there will be more.

Family gatherings are a lot quieter than when I was a child!

Yep, I'm one of 3 but DB and I have one child apiece close in age (both wanted bigger families but it didn't work out), and DSis is quite a bit younger than us but wants children. Step siblings are happily child-free by choice. I have a lot of cousins and most have 2 kids so we do still have family gatherings with lots of children around
It does make me a bit sad that the birth rate is falling and that our family is smaller but we are grateful for the kids we have. However, women do have more economic independence and agency than the generation before them and stopping at one or two kids probably does help with that - making a generalisation. I think they women were so much more bound by gender roles and social expectations in the 1970s and 1980s. I grieve not having a bigger family I also have hugely more freedom as a result...(Eg could leave an unhappy marriage if I needed to, can build a career etc)

No, I’m and only child and don’t have many cousins. I do feel I missed out on family growing up and definitely feel it now so I didn’t want to have an only child myself, we have 2 DCs. DHs siblings have had DCs too so they have more cousins then I did too which is nice for them.

I have my husband and my Uncle who is 96. I would need a very small table for a family reunion 😁

I have six first cousins, I'm one of three (as is DH who has three cousins)- and our children (3dc) have nine cousins. So our family is bucking the trend and getting larger.

TW: mention of pregnancy termination (I know some people hate trigger warnings, but I don’t want someone else to be hurt).

My family is down to nothing, sadly.

My grandparents raised me and I lost them in 2019 and 2020. I’ll never feel 100% complete again. My father spent all their inheritance, developed depression when the money ran out, and drank himself to death. We were estranged, because he was abusive to both me and my mum, but he’s the one who actually disowned me (because my first husband was a different race!). I have no siblings, because part of that abuse was forcing my mum to abort what would have been my siblings (I’m only here because she ran to her parents until it was too late for an abortion).

My mum was not mentally well enough to take care of me and is now on Lithium, which has helped a lot. She’s remarried with a lovely husband, but stepchildren who hate her. No cousins on my father’s side. Lots of cousins on my mother’s side but I don’t know them. I had a lovely, lovely second cousin who was more like an uncle, but he died of poor mental health (sexually abused while in the military) and diabetes complications in 2017. He was such a huge part of me growing up, and such a big personality, with his wild hair. He couldn’t stand being hugged so he’d always shake my hand, even when I was a 5 year old, and I loved it - I thought I was a grown up 😂 .

I would have loved to have children but genetically disabled, which is part of why my first marriage broke up. I so wish I could have had children before I was too sick and it was too late, but so glad I found out about my genetic conditions before passing them on.

My mum’s whole family are in Utah and Mormon, which I’m not. My mum loves me, and she texts, but we’re 3000 miles apart. However, I do know she would come all this way if I said I needed her, so I’m still very, very fortunate that I have someone. And my stepfather had encouraged me to call him Dad if I want to, which is very kind of him. So many have no one. I also have an amazing found family made up of friends and my DH and our tortoise 😂 🐢 It seems like a joke, our little “baby” is only 80 grams, but she helps both me and DH when we get down in the mouth.

So… yes. My father was an only child, my grandfather was an only child, I’m an only child, I have no children, so there’s just no family. My family “line” will die out with me.

Ah, fuck. I started crying 😂 And yes, I’m in therapy, ha.

I have 1 sibling and 5 cousins on one side, 4 on the other.
My DD is an only child with 1 cousin on my side, 2 on her dads side (her dad is one of 4 siblings).
We also have large generation gaps. So she has only ever had 3 grandparents (one of whom is in a nursing home with no capacity).

So definitely a shrinking family.

Yep although i think still reasonably big by today’s standard. My parents are one of 5 and 8 and each auntie/uncle has 2/3 kids so I’ve loads of cousins! I’m one of 3 and husband is 1 of 2. On his side DC have 2 cousins, my side currently 2 but youngest sibling will likely have 2 or 3 and I’m pregnant with DC2 hoping to have DC3 in a couple of years so potentially 8 cousins in total one side and 5 on the other

Yes, massively! I have over 50 first cousins. My DC have 2.

I am an only child and DH one of two.

Growing up I felt very much in the minority. Lots of families around with 3 or 4. We have three kids and people describe us as a big family!

The vast majority of our friends have two kids, several with just one, a few with three, and only a couple with 4 (and those have twins and/or big gaps in age). So yes, I think generally families are getting smaller.

Absolutely!
my mum is one of 10 and my dad one of 11. Aunts and uncles probably averaged 3/4 kids each but huge age span between them. Aunties younger than nephews etc.
Of my cerca 60 first cousins, probably average 2 kids although many have no kids and I have 3 first cousins out of those (ages 30-40s) with 6 kids each.
Next generation, so my nieces and nephews, first cousins kids, are having less children and having them later in life. Lots are in their 30s with no children whereas generation above, some were grandparents in their 30s.
Of my 6 nieces and nephews over mid 20s in age, only one has just had a baby in their late 30s. I don't honestly think any of the others ever will. They have different lives and priorities.

Yes definitely. I have 36 cousins in total. I’m one of 6, 4 of us have had dc. My parents have 8 dgc and won’t have any more (unless a very unlikely surprise). My dh has 1 nephew so my dc have 8 cousins.

Yes, very much so.
By choice.

I am an only child (in my 50s) of now deceased parents and only have one aunt (by marriage) left. Her DDs are obviously my first cousins but they don’t live close. I was close to a cousin on the other side of my family but she died 10 years ago and so I see no-one from that side now.

My mum had countless first cousins because her mum was 1 of 10 children. She was quite close to a few of them. My dad only bothered w his siblings. Most gave now passed away although I did know a few quite well growing up.

Now we have two DC, and DH’s brother has two DC - all in their 20s. Only one is in a serious relationship and could possibly have a child in the next 5 or so years. We know her boyf well, he’s great and he’s part of the (small) family. DH also has some cousins he’s close to and DD especially gets on with them. Idk if DC will have kids. DD is gay although does want children (said for years she didn’t but bio click is now ticking). DS Will hopefully too but he’s only v early 20s so I’ve not expecting anything for 10 years. dH’s parents have also passed away.

i think the gap between children and grandparents will be much bigger as I am unlikely to become a GP until my mid to late 60s and DH will be pushing 70 (I had DC at 30 and 32). Hoping to still be alive as I have a few medical issues which aren’t easy to control.

Yes and it’s really sad. Means next generation once me & my one gone will have no family. Does really worry me as life is hard and having your own tribe is so important (even if families are usually imperfect). It’ll be lonely and nothing bears having relatives you can lean on or be there for.

Yes. I am one of four, and two of us have two children. On the other side, there are five (blended family) and three of them have children, again will be two only. So two cousins on one side and four on the other. I had 15 cousins on my mums side alone.

I personally find two enough with working full time, I am past the baby stage where I might have considered another, and life was already precarious ten years ago. But the cost of living and climate change might be putting me off if I was considering children now.

Yes. I have many cousins. My children have a few.

Yes, I have 8 cousins, my kids have 1.

Yes. My mother had seven siblings, she had three children. Two of her siblings had five each, one three, two had two, one had one, one had none. But the real difference is the next (my) generation families. 21 cousins have produced only 17 children. If you take in the amount of partners (so 42) that’s less than half the previous generation.

I hope not. I have 2 siblings but also only have 2 cousins so my family is quite small already! Both parents are one of two and my mum’s only sibling had no children.

DH has 7 cousins but we only have a relationship really with one of them - 2 live in America, one is dead, 1 is an awful person, 1 isn’t really interested and the final one we have maybe seen 3 times in the last 8 years.

Only one of my brothers has children however we are all aged 27-35 so there is time for us all. I want at least one and am TTC this year and I know my other brother and one of my other cousins wants kids too. My other cousin is a bit of an enigma all round so it’s hard to say!

BILs current partner is one of those militant anti children people that are quite insufferable (nothing wrong with being child free but she openly HATES children). We are hoping they’ll split up eventually!

Yes - every generation has had fewer children. I have two siblings and both of them have chosen not to have children. Of my closest set of cousins, two of three have chosen the same.

I have 18 first cousins but my DD will only have one or two maximum. It does make me sad but not much we can do about it. I can only have one child due to health reasons sadly. I loved having a big family growing up.

I think I hold the world record for first cousins with 71 (huge Irish families, mum was one of 15 kids and Dad was one of 8). I'm still incredibly close to some of them.
However my own 3DC have just 3 cousins. 2 from my sister and one on DHs side. They aren't particularly close to them either.

Yes, my kids are growing up without cousins. The other thing I've noticed is we're now the center of attention over Christmas because everyone wants to spend it with them. It's lovely in some ways and overwhelming in others!

Not really, my parents had one and two siblings respectively and had two children. I have three cousins and both me and my sibling have had two children each. My husband’s family is huge, there are 6 cousins for my children although two of his siblings don’t have children at all. I do see a trend for people having less children though, single child families appear more common than when I was a kid, and people have 3+ children is much rarer than it was when I was younger.

I have 2 cousins. I'm 42, and one is around 51 so that was too big an age gap for us as children. I barely saw her anyway. My other cousin was born when I was nearly 15 so that was far too big an age gap. She's nearly 27 and is still like a teenager so we've never been close either. My 18 year old reckons she's on a level wil my nearly 15 year old.

My kids have 4 cousins who are 20, 18, 16 and 14, so They have more cousins who are closer in age than I had, but fewer than their dad who has 10. His parents are/were Catholic with 4 siblings. My parents only had one sibling each.