Is your family shrinking?

[sunshine244]

I know there's a trend for people to have fewer kids currently, and am curious is others are finding similar patterns.

My kids only have one cousin despite them having 4 sets of aunts and uncles in their 40s. There's not likely to be any more children due to circumstances/age.

My own 6 cousins (40s-50s) have only had 4 children in total, and again it is unlikely there will be more.

Family gatherings are a lot quieter than when I was a child!

Society generally sees childlessness as a misfortune. Calling yourself childfree makes it a positive thing and makes it clear you have chosen it.

My parents have 3 grandchildren in total, from 3 children. Both parents came from large 6/9 child Catholic families. On my husband's side there are just 2 grandchildren from 2 children (also large Catholic family backgrounds). Last two generations are mostly atheist (except at funerals and weddings) and university educated so the drop in numbers has come with an improvement in lifestyle.

Yes, for sure. My DD is an only child, DB is child free and we don’t have much contact with extended family for a number of reasons. I grew up with a lot of cousins, always off somewhere with them, but it hasn’t been DD’s experience at all.

My DP has quite a lot of nephews and nieces and their dynamic is a lot more similar to what mine was as a child.

No my family is much bigger. My mum is an only child, my dad had one sister who only had one child (P). We had quiet but fun christmases. Now - I have a brother. I have 3 kids. P has 3 kids (1 of whom already has 2 kids and there will be loads to come). Not to mention P has a blended family of 2 more kids. Family gatherings are massive now. Especially since they all bring their partners.

I think I buck the trend. I had one sibling and one cousin growing up.

My 2 DC obviously have 1 sibling each, and 6 cousins.

Yup, my mum and her 2 siblings had 5 children, and those 5 children have only had 2 children (we may try for another). My son has no cousins on my side as I am an only child. And the other child won’t have cousins either.

Yes. When I was younger I had a huge family. Many siblings and lots of cousins.

My family is so small now. Family deaths, estrangements and cousins growing up and having their own lives.

This Christmas I spent with my in-laws and it was hell. It was dysfunctional and traumatic and I never want to see them again.

Christmas in my immediate family meant people showing up all day. There was always plenty of food and drink and people were welcome.

Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas any more. My own sibling didn’t even want to see me this year.

It’s so sad. I had one child very late in life and my relationship is too dysfunctional (and I’m too old) to have another.

I know people who haven’t been able to have children at all because they never could sustain a relationship or they weren’t financially able to support a family.

Yes, definitely agree with this. I have one sibling and we have 8 cousins. Family gatherings were fun when we were kids and there were always at least 10 of us for Christmas dinner. My sister has no children and I have two, so they have no cousins here. They do however have 6 cousins on my husband's side of the family, but they all live in Ireland, so we don't get to see them that often. I do miss the family gatherings I used to enjoy and hope my girls both go on to have children themselves.

No. It avoids the need to write "I'm childless by choice" or whatever. I mean in the context of this thread it makes no difference, but in many situations it's very useful to make that distinction so people know how to react (either neutrally or with some sort of sympathy). I don't understand your problem with the term. It makes me think perhaps you are sensitive that others view having children as an unpleasant thing to be avoided.

Yes, my family is smaller and for a number of reasons.

• We are more spread out geographically so don't keep in touch (especially my generation)
• DH and I have 7 cousins between us and only 3 of them have children of their own, so the generations are getting smaller each time
• The people who organised the big family 'dos' of yesteryear are all dead now and the next generation just don't bother - I think my generation (40s/50s) are more likely to prioritise friendships over spending time with relatives with whom we have very little in common

Definitely. I have loads of cousins but my children have only one. My children, now adults, have said that it is likely they will be child free. The cost of children, particularly childcare,seems to be a factor and also housing. Or rather the combination of those things.

My family is still enormous. I'm one of five and currently have eight nieces and nephews.

No. Ours is growing.

I couldn't have children. My only sibling, DS, had 4. Two of her 4 have 2 DC each, one has 1 DC, with plans to have 2 more.

yes, I have 9 cousins, my children have 3. I had 6 sets of aunt/unless, my children have 3

I suspect you are picking up on the demographic shift that is draining the UK. Imagine 10 years from now without any younger generations to support and replace the current ones.

I never had a large close family. I have one sister that she hasn’t found a partner and due to age she won’t be able to have kids. So I decided to create my own chaos and we had 3 kids. So any gathering is always very busy with them.

@sunshine244 , you might also be interested in this article about the statistics of shrinking families here in the UK, though it mostly views it from an economic, late-capitalist perspective, versus sociologically:
https://news.sky.com/story/britains-shrinking-families-an-economic-timebomb-13316294

My great grandparents all had 4 children each. My material grandparents had 3 children, my paternal grandparents had 5 children. My parents had 3 children. Their siblings (my aunts and uncles) had between 0-3 children each. All of the cousins have between 1 and 3 children each.

So yes.

My husband's family, however, has grown. His grandparents only had a siblings each. His parents have a sibling each, but his parents had 4 children, and all his aunts and uncles had 3 children. All the cousins have between 2-3 children, one has none.

Ours has but it was my grandparents who started having less children. My grandparents all came from huge families (9+ siblings), but then each set of grandparents only had 2 children each. My mum had 50+ or so cousins. I only have 2 cousins as my uncle never had children, aunty only had 2. I'm one of 3 and have 3 children so we have actually pushed the numbers up as the generation before us didn't have many. My children do only have 2 cousins as my brother and his wife couldnt have children, my sister is 2 and done.

There are quite a few people in both mine and my husband's family who are childfree by choice though, they are all in their 50's now so there's no changing their mines. Also quite a bit of infertility too.

Compared to the demographics in 1900 ago, yes, far fewer in every generation.
But looking at the four most recent generations, there was at least one only child in each and the vast majority of the rest were two-child families. Even the family with four children had 10 descendants (not 16) in the next generation and only around 20 grandchildren (rather than 64) after that.

Yes, I’m one of two and have one child. Out of my sibling and 6 cousins, 3 have had children (2 each) 4 haven’t.
DH has 2 siblings, one has 2 kids, the other has none. DH and sibs are the exception in their family however, MIL is 1 of 4, each of the 4 had 3 kids (DHs cousins) and by and large each of the cousins has had 3 kids and now some of those have also had 3 kids! They all spend a lot of time together, family is very much prioritised over non family relationships

Average family size is shrinking, yes
https://www.ons.gov.uk/resource?uri=/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/conceptionandfertilityrates/bulletins/childbearingforwomenbornindifferentyearsenglandandwales/2015-11-10/13e81aa2.png

I was thinking recently about the differences between my maternal and paternal grandparents (the latter not in the UK).

Maternal GPs had two children, of whom one (my mum) had two children, one of whom (me) had two children. My uncle was childfree, as is my sister. Total 6 descendants.

Paternal GPs had 3 children and 9 grandchildren. The grandchildren between them have 18 children and 1 grandchild. Total 31 descendants!

Yes, I was one of 7 cousins growing up, my mum was one of 4 so there were lots of aunts and uncles. Family gatherings were busy and bustling. I loved it. I had one brother who died, so my two children have no first cousins from my side. It makes me sad for them, though they do have one cousin from their dad’s side. They see their great aunts and grandparents a lot but it’s not quite the same as being surrounded by cousins I think.

Not here - DH and I are both one of 5 siblings, we share 5 children together and we have 15 nieces and nephews, with 2 siblings yet to have children - I think they will have 1 or 2 each

maybe the big family will end with this generation but for now it’s still big and growing!

however, my 5 cousins have no children at all and don’t plan to. I definitely think people are realising they don’t HAVE to have children if they don’t want to. And people are waiting until they’re older to start which may be a factor too