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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sons grandma gave him a girls top…

65 replies

LetterNumber · 05/01/2026 13:17

My sons grandma gave him a rash vest for Christmas. It’s bright baby pink with rainbows all over. It’s not frilly/cutesy/pastel style but it’s definitely a “girly/girls” rash vest. Im chill with him wearing pink, like a pink polo or pink “boys” clothes, but pink “girly” clothes pushes it way too far for me and this rash vest is something you’d only find in the girls section of a shop.
My boyfriend and her are both super progressive (my bf less so though) and he noticed that some of the rainbows are also “trans flag colour” rainbows, so when he questioned her about it he asked in a joking but pissed off way “why tf are you dressing him in pride sh*t? Is he a political tool??” and she was like “don’t you want him to be an ally? I thought you’d want him to be an ally??” And the conversation ended.

He didn’t ask about the fact that it’s a girls top cos apparently he doesn’t care too much about that. Nothings been said about it between them since when they’ve talked on the phone, and my sons dad is just like “well he’s not gonna wear it so whatever”.
I don’t feel the same way. I feel very fkn gross about the whole thing, someone using my kid for ‘activism’, but cbf bringing it up cos I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable and a hater. Also obviously I would want my kid to be an “ally” but like he’s fkn 2?? The whole thing just feels fully cooked to me?

OP posts:
randoname · 05/01/2026 13:20

I feel strongly about this. I have pics of dd dressed in Labour Party red canvassing aged 6 months and feel a bit icky about it now.
Take the rash vest to a charity shop.

BestZebbie · 05/01/2026 13:20

So is your issue that it is a girl's top, or a pride top with trans flags, or both?

InterestedDad37 · 05/01/2026 13:21

BF super-progressive, but says "pride sh!t" - perhaps not as progressive as you thought.
How old is the son? Just don't make him wear it, if he doesn't want to.
Tell grandma it's a girl's top.

WarmGreyHare · 05/01/2026 13:22

LetterNumber · 05/01/2026 13:17

My sons grandma gave him a rash vest for Christmas. It’s bright baby pink with rainbows all over. It’s not frilly/cutesy/pastel style but it’s definitely a “girly/girls” rash vest. Im chill with him wearing pink, like a pink polo or pink “boys” clothes, but pink “girly” clothes pushes it way too far for me and this rash vest is something you’d only find in the girls section of a shop.
My boyfriend and her are both super progressive (my bf less so though) and he noticed that some of the rainbows are also “trans flag colour” rainbows, so when he questioned her about it he asked in a joking but pissed off way “why tf are you dressing him in pride sh*t? Is he a political tool??” and she was like “don’t you want him to be an ally? I thought you’d want him to be an ally??” And the conversation ended.

He didn’t ask about the fact that it’s a girls top cos apparently he doesn’t care too much about that. Nothings been said about it between them since when they’ve talked on the phone, and my sons dad is just like “well he’s not gonna wear it so whatever”.
I don’t feel the same way. I feel very fkn gross about the whole thing, someone using my kid for ‘activism’, but cbf bringing it up cos I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable and a hater. Also obviously I would want my kid to be an “ally” but like he’s fkn 2?? The whole thing just feels fully cooked to me?

Show top to child, say 'do you want to wear this?'
Proceed accordingly and stop being weird about colours on a child's top FFS

beezlebubnicky · 05/01/2026 13:23

If you don't want him to wear it, then don't have him wear it. It's not a major thing but also clothes aren't really a gendered thing, it's not as big as deal as you're making it out to be.

I'm just waiting for the flying monkeys of F: S & G to descend on this thread.

Coffeeishot · 05/01/2026 13:24

Well you are not really "super progressive" whatever that BS means, if you dont want your son to wear something, bin it.

MadisonMarieParksValetta · 05/01/2026 13:25

Tell her to fuck off putting her views onto a bloody rash vest for a kid.

FYI, if your son picked the top himself I'd have no issue. Its the fact this is being pushed onto a 2 year old! She's the issue here.

LetterNumber · 05/01/2026 13:25

InterestedDad37 · 05/01/2026 13:21

BF super-progressive, but says "pride sh!t" - perhaps not as progressive as you thought.
How old is the son? Just don't make him wear it, if he doesn't want to.
Tell grandma it's a girl's top.

He was being facetious? Like overdoing it for effect? His best friend is trans and he’s bi.

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 05/01/2026 13:26

MadisonMarieParksValetta · 05/01/2026 13:25

Tell her to fuck off putting her views onto a bloody rash vest for a kid.

FYI, if your son picked the top himself I'd have no issue. Its the fact this is being pushed onto a 2 year old! She's the issue here.

Oh stopit !

Favouritefruits · 05/01/2026 13:26

He’s two and it’s a rash vest to wear in a swimming pool for an hour, if he wants to wear it fine, if he doesn’t also fine. It’s just a rash vest?

bombastix · 05/01/2026 13:26

Is this just not an instance where the child never wears the offending item? Her politics shouldn’t be imposed on children, agree.

Meadowfinch · 05/01/2026 13:27

My ex's new woman was always buying girlie stuff for my ds when he was tiny.

It sadly got lost in the wash, or disappeared off the washing line. 😊

LetterNumber · 05/01/2026 13:27

WarmGreyHare · 05/01/2026 13:22

Show top to child, say 'do you want to wear this?'
Proceed accordingly and stop being weird about colours on a child's top FFS

I said I. The post I don’t care about him wearing pink. But wearing gendered pink clothes is what crosses the line for me.

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 05/01/2026 13:27

What do you think might happen to him if he wears it? Anyway if it goes to the charity shop so what? No harm done. This is not a big deal.

Sallakadoula · 05/01/2026 13:27

My youngest has had stuff from the girls section a fair bit as he likes cats and flowers. And leggings.

If you don't like an item of clothing a relative buys, just don't dress your child in it. It's not hard work or a big deal.

Just donate it. Or if it's truly offensive use it as a dishcloth or yard cloth or something and then bin it when it's use as a piece of fabric has expired.

ThreeSixtyTwo · 05/01/2026 13:27

I wouldn't care about "girl's" but I wouldn't like the implied politicisation.

RessicaJabbit · 05/01/2026 13:28

and today in Things That Never Happened...

Octonaut4Life · 05/01/2026 13:28

Sounds like grandma wasn't sure whether you were a real ally and progressive or not. And now she's got her answer.

Sassylovesbooks · 05/01/2026 13:29

You don't want your son wearing the rash vest, your son's Dad knows his son won't be wearing it either. The person who gave your son the rash vest, is your boyfriend's Mum? So not your son's Dad's Mum? Therefore not actually your son's grandmother?! I wouldn't give the rash vest another thought to be honest. Resell it on Vinted, eBay or Marketplace. If not, give it to a charity shop. Your son is 2, he doesn't understand about the significance regarding rainbows to the gay community. Perhaps ask if clothing can be bought from the boys section in the future as the girls clothes can be too feminine. Your son won't care what he's wearing, but as he becomes older, then he will, and yes he is likely to refuse to wear clothing he considers 'girlie'.

SilenceInside · 05/01/2026 13:29

Well, I would agree that children's clothes don't need political activism logos on them, so that's one issue that would mean I would not use it for my child.

Separately, a pink swim top with rainbows (of the non-political kind) is not a "girly" item of clothing in that it's just a colour and rainbows are just rainbows. It's adults who add on the meaning and significance in terms of making it about gender roles. No harm will come to your 2 year old son by wearing it, if it's a useful item of clothing.

AncientBallerina · 05/01/2026 13:29

Children should not be wearing clothes with political /activist or any other connotations because they can’t consent. Just put in the recycling and don’t give it any more airtime

Purlant · 05/01/2026 13:30

Yes, of course they are making trans pride rash vests in age 2 🙄

I have just googled trans pride rash vests and they don’t even make them for adults let alone children.

If you don’t like the top, don’t wear it.

I’d be very interested to see a photo of this trans pride rash vest though!!

LetterNumber · 05/01/2026 13:30

Octonaut4Life · 05/01/2026 13:28

Sounds like grandma wasn't sure whether you were a real ally and progressive or not. And now she's got her answer.

I don’t know if you’re being snarky but I did genuinely feel like it might be a test.

OP posts:
2026x · 05/01/2026 13:31

LetterNumber · 05/01/2026 13:27

I said I. The post I don’t care about him wearing pink. But wearing gendered pink clothes is what crosses the line for me.

But whats gendered about it beyond it being pick with rainbows on it? If you picked up one which had a boys label on it, it would be identical apart from the colours and the patterns.

HorrorAndHaagenDazs · 05/01/2026 13:31

I think i'd do my nut if an adult decided to make a 2 year old into a walking billboard for gender ideology.

Charity shop the rash guard - and ask grandma to lay off the pride and "ally" shit with a toddler.