DH overreacting or am I really uncaring?

[TheFancyLion]

Teen DS first day back at school, due to snow has his friend coming to the house at 7.30am so they can walk together, friend arrives and DS isnt quite ready (just few minutes).
Our dog starts going crazy because of the knock on the door, DH starts shouting and has a go at DS for not being ready in time because its disturbed him sitting down to have his breakfast.
I try to diffuse the shouting by telling DH that DS hasent done too bad because he was almost ready (which is very unusual for him) and DH accuses me of "not giving a s*it about his feelings".

Ive apologised and explained that I dont like to see him stressed out and that I felt like it was an overreaction to the situation and could have been a conversation rather than a load of shouting. (DS is a bit lazy at times and timekeeping is something of a challenge in our family but i dont believe shouting is the answer).
But now im wondering if AIBU to have called him out about it or whether i should have been on his side about it more?

Side note, this scenario happens occasionally, where DH will get super stressed and shouty about what I believe to be a minor event with DS, I'll try to diffuse the situation, and DH accuses me of not caring about his feelings.

‘I care very much about your feelings but screaming and shouting has little respect for the feelings of everyone else in the house. Do you believe you are the only person here with feelings or whose feelings matter? We are taught at a young age that shouting and aggression is not an appropriate way to express big feelings and so I will not approve of you doing it. You are an adult, act like it.’

What an unpleasant start to the day for your son. If I were you I’d state very firmly to your DH you do care about emotions but will no longer accept aggression aimed at you or your son. And mean it. Feelings do not give anyone the right to behave so nastily.

Shouting is not ok and not the answer.

Not being ready on time and causing the household to be disturbed is disrespectful both to the friend and to the whole family.

Two issues to address.

First Monday back after Christmas holidays is grim all round! Your DH is grumpy because of it and doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong

Disturbed him sitting down for his breakfast?!! What kind of man baby is he? Complete over reaction.

Breakfast disturbed?? What kind of person complains about that

Jeez I couldn’t be arsed with all this tip toeing around in my own house . Your poor son must feel like he’s walking on eggshells around his dad .

Jesus, is your DH always so ridiculous?

your DH is a dick

Shouting rarely helps calm a situation, your husband was being entirely unreasonable and a bit of wet wipe tbh.

Why do you apologise…. Instead of telling him in no uncertain terms that his behaviour is unacceptable

Is DS his son?

I'd not tolerate tiptoeing around such a 'man'. Poor kid

Poor adult male had his feelings hurt when his own dog barked as he was about to sit down for breakfast. Please wait while I get my tiny violin out🙄
Why would you be wrong to stop someone shouting at your child for nothing? Questioning standing up for your own child is silly. Crap for your DS to be treated that way while his friend is there too.

Your DH is horrid. He's upset about his feeling because he wanted free reign to shout at your DS for being a couple of minutes late?

If he's that upset he could just train the dog to not bark at the door. It's not that hard.

Oh, don’t be daft.

I wouldnt have even entertained this bollocks. Id have completely ignored his childish arse as if no one even heard him and turned to DS with a big smile to say have a good day or whatever, and stroked the dog for good measure

Then afterwards asked DH if hes ok with a head tilt.

Came here to say this. Shut the dog in the garden and tell your DH he's not king of the world.

Well, is it DH's first day back at the office, as well as DS's first day back at school? If so, possibly a little bit tense and more apt to overreact. Still, a reason, not an excuse, and that's not to say that his behaviour was okay, nor that he shouldn't be called on it, lest it become a habit.

@TheFancyLion I suggest you go back and look at the thread you posted in April last year. The one where your husband told you to 'brush off' some of the genuinely awful stuff you were going through.

Then think about how he has the audacity to say that to you over a fucking dog barking.

This is one of those incidents that seems relatively small but is potentially quite serious. Losing his temper over something so small, humiliating your DS in front of his friend, and trying to force you to apologise for your calm and reasonable response, all suggest that your husband is controlling/coercive. Have you ever looked into the list of warning signs for that, OP?

Man chooses to live in a house with a dog and child.
Man then proceeds to shout and tantrum when dog makes noise and child isn't a perfectly running Swiss train line.

Your dh needs to grow up, getting all moany over a dog bark . Whoopee doo. I couldn't be dealing with that. As others said ignore him and do not apologise. He clearly doesn't give a shit about your feelings if this has come up before and nothing has changed.

The situation sounds like a typical family life situation with a teen. I don't think there's any need to consider DHs feelings, he should be able to manage the minor stresses of a normal family life.

Thank you for the replies so far.

Just to add, I dont feel threatened or controlled, its not aggressive "slamming doors" shouting but I appreciate any concern.

I and I would imagine many others probably shouted in similar ways for scenarios but when they are called for (eg exceptionally bad behavior, very rude back chat etc).

But there really wasent any need for it and when he went on about it "ruining his breakfast" I just had to say something as it felt a bit ridiculous. But then you see all this relationship advice saying you shouldn't dismiss the others feelings and so I guess I was just worried thats what I am doing as in that moment OH was feeling the way he was.