DH overreacting or am I really uncaring?

[TheFancyLion]

Teen DS first day back at school, due to snow has his friend coming to the house at 7.30am so they can walk together, friend arrives and DS isnt quite ready (just few minutes).
Our dog starts going crazy because of the knock on the door, DH starts shouting and has a go at DS for not being ready in time because its disturbed him sitting down to have his breakfast.
I try to diffuse the shouting by telling DH that DS hasent done too bad because he was almost ready (which is very unusual for him) and DH accuses me of "not giving a s*it about his feelings".

Ive apologised and explained that I dont like to see him stressed out and that I felt like it was an overreaction to the situation and could have been a conversation rather than a load of shouting. (DS is a bit lazy at times and timekeeping is something of a challenge in our family but i dont believe shouting is the answer).
But now im wondering if AIBU to have called him out about it or whether i should have been on his side about it more?

Side note, this scenario happens occasionally, where DH will get super stressed and shouty about what I believe to be a minor event with DS, I'll try to diffuse the situation, and DH accuses me of not caring about his feelings.

Ruining his breakfast, eh? Sounds like he's King Charles sitting down to devilled kidneys, with all the entitlement that suggests.

SHOCK: No typical MN responses about "leave him " from miserable single people 🤗

I like this start to 2026

I'm struggling to see how things would have been different even if DS was ready - I assume the friendn would still have knocked on the door and the dog would still have barked? In which case, this all seems ridiculous.

In this house, friends knocking on the door early to walk to school together is only an issue if we don't know they're coming and are therefore wondering around inappropriately dressed and all have to leg it upstairs to avoid anyone's blushes!

Your DH sounds like a twat.

What was the issue here? Sounds like your partner was acting like an idiot.

I would have (and have done) opened the door and the kids would come in to wait.

What a weird post.

If I read that a man or woman was miserable in their relationship then I would 100% tell them to leave because life is too short to be unhappy.

Its odd that you wouldn’t do the same.

In this scenario DH sounds like a massive dick and I feel sorry for DS.
It sounds like only DHs feelings matter.

But we don’t know the full story and this could be very out of character or his mum might have just died or something and so most people wouldn’t suggest leaving without more information.

I must say I have chuckled this morning at some of the descriptions of what they imagine DH breakfasts are, "King Charles sitting down to devilled kidneys" was a personal favourite 🤣

I appreciate all of the responses, and it seems almost conclusive that it was definitely an overreaction from DH.

A few answers to some questions asked:

Is it DH son - yes

Could we shut the dog out - not really, the front door is in the kitchen so the only place we would shut him to is the kitchen which wouldnt solve the problem (only a small house).

Train the dog not to bark - Irritatingly DH likes the dog barking as it helps deter burglars (obviously only when it suits him)

A couple mentioned about being sad for DS - Hes absolutely fine, hes 15 and pretty mature plus schools been cancelled for today for snow so nothing spoiling his mood today.

Another mentioned potential ND - I have suspected he has autism for a while so this could be a reason for the outburst however its not an excuse. It was an unnecessary outburst for a very minor situation.

Yes but he’s not. He’s a jerk who acts and thinks like a child.

I know this is not the main point of thread, but wouldn't the dog have barked anyway when friend knocked on the door ,evenif your son had been standing there ready.Unless your DH expects DS to wait outside in the cold!

Train the dog not to bark - Irritatingly DH likes the dog barking as it helps deter burglars (obviously only when it suits him)

It was the dog barking which disturbed the breakfast.
Does DH start shouting at everyone who comes to the door when the dog barks?
It's ridiculous. He either trains the dog not to bark when people come to the door or he puts up with the dog disturbing his breakfast.

Shouting at his son is not the answer and while it is annoying when someone is never ready on time (although your son was nearly ready this time), shouting is not going to help.

Of course the friend was going to knock on the door/ring the doorbell unless specifically asked in advance not to. Was your husband expecting your son to be ready in advance and standing outside to meet his friend, but because son wasn't ready the knock happened, the dog barked, and consequently husband couldn't control himself and had a hissy fit?

Husband's habitual ranting and raving has you walking on eggshells and spending an awful lot of energy handwringing and wondering if it's your fault. It's not. If he has now recognised that his behaviour is bad and says he can't help it in the moment, send him to anger management. If he hasn't even apologised to you and to DS - and to the friend, if they were also subject to the tantrum - and thinks what he did was OK then he's a bully and no good is going to come of appeasing him.

Why is it that when someone acts like an arse you always get people saying is he ND? Loads of people are ND and don't act like a selfish knob.

Oh diddums dear poor ickle manbaby get put off his cornflakes? He sounds more like a stroppy teenager than an adult man (I should know, my ex was one!).

A dog barking disturbed His Highness's breakfast?

Off with the cur's head! The horror! You peons should be cursed for allowing such a terrible thing to happen! Send yourselves to the mines and start digging.

Is your husband for real? What a fucking PITA. 🙄🙄One eye roll 🥐 isn't enough for his Lordship's bullshit. Dumbass.

Agree that this sounds like back to work stress that your DH handled badly.

I wonder though, about your comment that from time to time this happens and you step in to diffuse the situation. Does that ever actually work? What happens when you don't?

While I agree your DH overreacted to the commotion, it does sound like you were dismissive. You justified your DS's lack of consideration by saying he does it all the time, as though that makes it better somehow! Your DH needs to work on his shouting, but perhaps you should look at how you try to be the peacekeeper too.

Your H also shouted in front of a young friend ...that's just an added layer of awful. Where is his agency? To control/ calm the dog...keep waiting friend busy, help son? Pointless aggression

"You're spoiling my breakfast!"

"Oh."

"You don't care about my feelings."

"Shall I cut your toast into nice little soldiers? There's a dear."

Thank you, this is what I was worried about.

Whenever I try to ask how it would be best to approach things like this with him he gets dismissive and just brushes over it with no real answer for me.

So do I just ignore it and not get involved even though I believe that hes being irrational?

Your “d” h is a nasty little arsehole who cares only about himself! Please make 2026 the year you make sure he can’t carry on
with this behavior by chucking his arse our and changing the locks! Your poor son having to be stressed being shouted at first thing in the morning on his first day back at school and also embarrassed in front of his friend! All because the 🤬wants to eat his cornflakes in peace!

He was ready at almost 7.30 ffs give him a break. Disturbing him sitting down to breakfast??? What’s is with all these overly precious men today.

giving your kid an earful so early because YOUR dog is shouting? What’s he supposed to do about it. Dogs bark, that’s part of owning one.

don’t apologise and tell him to reign it in and apologise to DS for being unreasonable and rude

What happens if you don't step in?

Generally, when someone is emotionally charged and being irrational, in the moment is not the time to try and make them rational. In the moment, you want to divert disaster. If him shouting a bit isn't going to be hugely detrimental, then leave him to it. If it's going to make the dog worse and everything escalate or emotionally damage other people, then you probably do need a strategy, though better that he works on how to cope with his frustrations.

What makes you think it's single people who say LTB? I've post many an LTB comment and I'm in a long, happy marriage. I would have thought that a lot of the LTB comments come from women who are married to nice men and can't imagine staying with the bad one being described by an OP!

''this scenario happens occasionally, where DH will get super stressed and shouty about what I believe to be a minor event with DS''

Is there a pattern where DS is either succeeding at something or is the centre of attention, and your husband gets shouty and complains you don't care about his hurt feelings?

It was meant to be slightly patronising to make it clear that he’s acting like a big baby. Congratulations on getting the point and yet completely missing the point.

My sympathies are with the friend who walked into this, and your DS who must have been so embarrassed.

There is no place for shouting, and no excuse for it.

If your son had been ready on time-would this have prevented is friend knocking on the door?