To think husband needs to adjust hit attitude to his parents

[Isit2026yet]

My DH is an only child. He’s quite highly strung. And in many ways the stereotypical example of an only child. When we got together he wasn't close to his parents, I'm not close to many, but I remember saying to him the way he spoke to his parents was horrific when they were trying to be helpful. A year ago they moved from
2 hours away from us to 5 mins away on foot so we’re a lot closer to them. Every time we see them or go over to theirs DH gets frustrated by something usually he disagrees with how they've done something (they have a habit of doing things randomly, or in a strange order of events) ultimately causing more friction for us. Inlaws are 80s and slowing down so a lot is falling to us currently. But he can’t voice irritations rationally, he just f’s and blinds and walks off.

When they mess up, do the expect him to fix it?

@EatYourDamnPie no. And they rarely mess up. They just don't do things the way he would.

This! I’d be fucking fuming if my parents moved 5 minutes away and I certainly wouldn’t be going round to theirs. I currently see them about twice a year when I use them to look after my dogs and if I didn’t have dogs I’d never bother to visit. I don’t like them for many reasons and my attitude to, and the way I feel about, my parents is no one else’s business.

@Stompingupthemountain he actively encouraged them moving.

Oh, well in that case I take it back and he has created this problem for himself.

You handle your relationship with your parents in one way and he does another. Don’t interfere with that because you can’t fully understand his feelings and any anger he might be holding. You may find it hard to see but as long as he’s not being actively unkind, he doesn’t need judgment.

He might benefit from some therapy if he struggles with his childhood experiences but encourage this as something for him and not his parents.

I was going to say he’s being awful but actually… they weren’t there to care for him at 6 so why should he be when they’re 80? Fuck em.

Really, OP, I think you ought to be on his side with this situation.
Growing up emotionally neglected is horrible, and as I was unaware of, in your middle age it bites you in the arse and you can be very angry (or sad, or irritated, or overreacting, whatever).
I always look to the parents, when there is an issue with adults.
In most cases, it transpires there was at last emotional abuse.

It's not truly about the trivial things, he is rightfully angry at being abandoned and traumatised as a tiny kid by them.

Encouraging them to move closer was likely also a trauma response.
Has he never had any therapy?

The parents should have enrolled him for it at the same time as sending him to boarding school.