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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday gift that I really don’t want…

86 replies

Thingsthatgo · 04/01/2026 16:27

It’s a big birthday for me this year - I quite like my birthday usually, and don’t mind a bit of a fuss, but my ideal celebration would be with DH and our children going to a show with a night in a hotel.
My PIL and I have a fairly scratchy relationship, but we tolerate each other and try to keep things friendly. Over Christmas they announced to everyone that their big birthday gift to me is a holiday for all of us in Europe, including my BIL, all staying together in one house, travelling there together in one minibus, for a week. It really is my idea of hell. If it were for DH’s birthday, and he really wanted to go, I would try and suck it up for his benefit. But I am finding it extra grating that it is my birthday gift, and it is the last thing I want to do with my annual leave.
AIBU? How do I say thanks, but no thanks?

OP posts:
AgentBalls · 06/01/2026 23:47

Thingsthatgo · 06/01/2026 13:27

I spoke to MIL over the weekend - I said it was a very generous gift, but no thank you. I think she was fuming, and shocked, but I decided that I was not going to suck it up just to please them. I didn’t lie, or make up an excuse, but I was grateful for the offer, and gentle in the way I turned it down.

Well done OP 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

More people should be like this, honest, straightforward and not afraid to say no!

Maray1967 · 07/01/2026 00:12

Thingsthatgo · 06/01/2026 17:48

@SunMoonandChocolate it was heavily implied that it was already booked, but it turned out that they had not actually paid anything yet. They let me believe that they had though, it all feels very scheming. However, I am just glad that I’m not going, and choosing to be believe that they are generous but misguided!

I think that’s a very generous interpretation- but well done on declining this ‘gift’ - which was clearly a holiday for them and a chance to save on an actual gift for you.

reversegear · 07/01/2026 00:15

Did your DH happen to know about this and not stop them??

reversegear · 07/01/2026 00:17

Oh well done OP, I’d still love to know know if your DH knew!!

Somersetbaker · 08/01/2026 13:26

Hell is other people. Doubly so when you're related.

Original poster
Thingsthatgo · 08/01/2026 18:52

No, DH didn’t know. He was walking out of the room as his mum announced it; he walked backwards back into the room to hear the conversation, and made a slightly panicked face at me over his mums head! He knew that I would hate the idea, but knows me well enough to not speak on my behalf.
He did later offer to be the one to turn down the holiday, but I decided it would be better to do it myself. DH has a big heart, and would have tried to smooth things over by saying things like ‘maybe next year’. 😬

OP posts:
SunMoonandChocolate · 08/01/2026 21:14

Sounds like your husband would have appeased his Mum about you not going this year, only to talk you into being obliged to do it next. I think you did the right thing by tackling her head on yourself OP.

GreggWallace · 08/01/2026 21:15

so? Just say it's not happening

MagicStarrz · 08/01/2026 21:20

This is the kind of gift that grinds my gears as it's presumptuous (assuming you want to go on holiday with them for a week!) and is onerous on that it would involve you using a week of annual leave. You haven't said in your op if they have specified a date but even if not, if you genuinely don't want to go, you don't have to. Just say you don't have any spare annual leave.

PermanentTemporary · 08/01/2026 21:24

A - [frozen horror] MINIBUS?

For what length of journey?

Are they insane? Did they fall asleep watching Little Miss Sunshine? Explain that it’s fiction.

reversegear · 09/01/2026 19:42

Thingsthatgo · 08/01/2026 18:52

No, DH didn’t know. He was walking out of the room as his mum announced it; he walked backwards back into the room to hear the conversation, and made a slightly panicked face at me over his mums head! He knew that I would hate the idea, but knows me well enough to not speak on my behalf.
He did later offer to be the one to turn down the holiday, but I decided it would be better to do it myself. DH has a big heart, and would have tried to smooth things over by saying things like ‘maybe next year’. 😬

Bless him, I was going to murder him on your behalf..

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