To be annoyed when FIL lets himself into our house with his key?

[MyEdgyOliveTraybake]

FIL is very nice and helps out a lot with the kids. he comes by to drop off stuff or pick up clothes for the kids often.

However, he has a key to our house and keeps letting himself in. (I’m a man btw so it’s not some weird inappropriate thing).

He might chap the door and then burst in. I find it quite intrusive. I work from home and he says he’s trying not to disturb me when on calls (although he has always done this and does it even when I’m not working).

I’ve tried to hint a few times, “oh, did I leave the door open?” but he still does it.

It’s harmless enough but it’s really annoying. If the door is bolted, he’s up impatiently looking through the window.

I don’t understand the urgency.

YABU because you havent changed the locks to put a stop to this.

My dad used to do this, and it drove DH mad. DH also WFH and my dad was not a subtle man, lovely though he was.

I did have to talk to dad ( & mum, who was an ally) about ringing the bell, and letting DH answer the door, if DHs car was in the drive. Ultimately is was a trade off, we appreciate the help he gave us, so DH had to compromise.

Well he wouldn't be able to do this if he didn't have a key would he?

It's hardly rocket science.

You either suck it up or take the key off of him and sort all the kids stuff out yourself.
You can't expect him to use the key when it suits you and then grump about it at other times.

Maybe stop asking him to help with your kids and the problem will go away. I pick up my grandkids from school and use my key to go in as my son in law and daughter both work from home and I’m never sure when they are in a meeting. Stop using him as a free babysitter and problem solved!

Difference is your picking your grandkids up from school so your son in law and daughter are expecting you to turn up

This is kind of where we’ve been for years.

However, if someone gave me a key to their house, I’d understand it was to be used for emergencies/times when they’re not at home and they want me to enter their house.

i wouldn’t expect to use it any time I came to their house.

I don’t understand why he thinks this may be can use whenever he feels like it, as if it’s his house.

it’s irritating but not worth a big confrontation.

This is exactly where we are. My wife has said to MIL (who has said repeatedly) but FIL seems to be newly born every day and just does what he wants.

Are you FIL?? 😂😂

I’d just ask him to ring the door and stand on the step for a minute like he would if he was going to anyone else’s house.

as I said, we really appreciate their help. It’s not a massive issue but annoying.

I’d put the bolt on the door and increasingly not answer or make it clear it’s very inconvenient each time he tries to let himself in when you are in the house.

when your working from home lock the door keep your keys in the lock..do this everytime. If he calls unexpectedly play dumb and say something like Oh sorry fred (?) I wasnt expecting anyone,no one mentioned you would be calling today...subtley will win over and if he has no legitimate reason to be there i.e. kids then it should click with him he is overstepping.

What does it matter? Unless you are worried he’s going to catch you doing something.

“oh, did I leave the door open?”

Yes you did. Lock the door using a bolt on the inside or a chain lock.

Sit him down and explain the key is for emergencies, please do not ever let yourself in when we haven't asked you to use the key. Explain that's fine for him to interrupt a meeting. Reiterate that he should ntk let himself in.
You may be walking around naked!
If he ignores you again, take his key back.

My parents used to do the same. I didn't like it. They had a key store thing and I took the key back

You’ve repeatedly asked him not to do it and that isn’t working so your options seem to be :-

1. accept that he will carry on
2. bolt the door when you are home
3. ask for his key back
4. pretend that you had to change the locks because you lost your key

Or even just leave your own key in the lock on the inside and then he won't be able to put his in.

This is easily resolved OP.

True, that’s the easiest option

We had a builder like this, gave him a key to work on our house while we were away as they had to turn the water off for a few days but he then proceeded to let himself in at every opportunity. He even gave the key to other tradesmen unbeknownst to me and they started letting themselves in until I bolted in from the inside and they nearly broke the door down cos they couldn’t work out why it wasn’t opening. I was home and they could have knocked as I told them.

DH said they weren’t harming anyone having the key(!) Didn’t matter to him as he was at work, I was often getting changed from dog walking clothes to work clothes when the builders would turn up.

Came to a head one day when I caught the original builder rifling through DH’s expensive tools and trying to take them. He was so shocked I came home and said ‘ oh I thought you worked all day today and wouldn’t be here’
I can see that you thieving twat.
I asked for the key back at that moment and I told DH he’s not welcome in our house anymore.

It’s a real intrusion of privacy and I understand why you’re upset about it.

Just leave your key in the door on the other side so he can't get his key in! Then he'll have to knock 🤷‍♀️

I don't think it is unreasonable to have a key and yet respect it isn't your house.

I have a key for one neighbour's house, one for dd's house, and one for ds's house. I wouldn't dream of letting myself in though, unless they weren't there and had asked me to go round for some reason, or if there were some emergency.

My Mum has had a key for all my houses. For emergencies. The only time she ever let herself in is if I've asked if she could help me by waiting in for someone when I was at work or away.

As we are all different, then I expect there are people who would appreciate someone they trusted letting themself in if they were on a work call, rather than having to leave the call and let them in.

The reason I think YABU OP is that you have only "hinted".
If it annoys you, then why not say "Bob, can you not let yourself in please - the key is for emergencies / if we aren't there. It really worries me when I hear a noise downstairs when I think I am alone in the house.
Obviously, this would be a lot easier / more effective if you'd done it from the start.