To be annoyed when FIL lets himself into our house with his key?

[MyEdgyOliveTraybake]

FIL is very nice and helps out a lot with the kids. he comes by to drop off stuff or pick up clothes for the kids often.

However, he has a key to our house and keeps letting himself in. (I’m a man btw so it’s not some weird inappropriate thing).

He might chap the door and then burst in. I find it quite intrusive. I work from home and he says he’s trying not to disturb me when on calls (although he has always done this and does it even when I’m not working).

I’ve tried to hint a few times, “oh, did I leave the door open?” but he still does it.

It’s harmless enough but it’s really annoying. If the door is bolted, he’s up impatiently looking through the window.

I don’t understand the urgency.

You should not have given him a key. Now you need to get locks changed.

I would hate it. The fact that some others wouldn’t mind won’t alter that.

In your shoes I would expect my spouse to speak to him - it would probably be easier coming from their direct family. Maybe also get a ring doorbell so you are alerted when he’s at the door. Not much notice, I know, but a bit better than nothing.

There is a huge difference between using a key when looking after children and just letting yourself in all the time.

Can you discuss if with them. Prefixed with we really appreciate it. But it's a sense of privacy that means it feels uncomfortable at a basic human level, and it would make you feel better if he knocks and waits for a couple of minutes first. Softly but clear

I always wonder why people are always so afraid to offend these types of people who, OP has said, just does whatever he likes. No need to tiptoe round him, just take the key back or tell him he’s not allowed to just let himself in. He’s thick skinned enough to ignore the previous requests his wife and daughter have already communicated to him. He’ll survive a telling off from you.

Change your locks.

Yep. This.

Why does he need to pick up clothes for the kids ?

how old are they ?

warn him once

take key off him

if you are home you can open the door for him or leave unlocked at 330 for him

you say fil so your wife needs to say dad. Stop it

We have keys to both our children’s homes. We would not use them unless our children wanted us too. One of my SILs works upstairs from home and if we pick the kids up from school, he prefers us to let the kids in ourselves so that we can play with them downstairs and they don’t realise he is at home and stop him working.
Why is he letting himself in all the time? If we are not with the grandchildren then only holiday plant watering requests etc are reasons.
Really either you have a big conversation, change your locks or fit another, non opening bolt high up for when you are at home. That does not stop him letting himself in if nobody is at home.

then you'd be told to look after your own kids, their clothes and other shit.

@MyEdgyOliveTraybake if it's not something you're prepared to do something about then stop moaning he's doing it to help you FGS

My in laws do this- I leave the key in the lock. Problem solved.

My family have keys for each others houses for holidays/emergencies. We don’t use them, unless it’s for holidays/emergencies!

Definitely leave a key in the door.

I know you say you make a point of not doing this even when the kids aren’t there, but I think it’s your only option if you don’t want say anything.

I do it to stop my Mum turning up unannounced. Then she starts banging on the windows and ringing instead. Fun and games.

There will have to be a conversation to manage expectations. Your FIL doesn't see dropping in as a problem, but it bothers you. Some on here don't see it as a problem, and others do. There is no right and wrong, but there are different perspectives, and your wants and needs are paramount in your own home.

My mum has never had a key to my house, but she did used to turn up whenever she felt like it, and peer through windows and/or the letterbox if nobody answered the door immediately. I had to ask her quite firmly to stop it, and she was hurt/annoyed, but I was hurt and annoyed when I felt I couldn't relax at home without judgement. Mum's view was that when it's family anything goes, but I think quite the reverse. I don't care if the window cleaner sees the house in a mess, but I don't want judgement from someone who knows me well, and the same applies to more personal things.

Some people can't see that because a thing doesn't bother them, it is perfectly valid for others to be bothered by it (see comments on this thread). Your FIL may be similarly thick-skinned. If so, the only solution is to let him know. If he still doesn't get it, you might have to reconsider your childcare, but in general, someone doing you a favour shouldn't mean that you are obligated to let them behave as they like.

If the door is bolted, he’s up impatiently looking through the window.

Bolt on door and curtain closed / nets or similar up.

You can’t leave a key in my side or door.its a knob you turn.

Maybe op is the same

I would say " with all due respect and thank you for all the help you do for us...etc" and then go into , with grace and politeness once again, asking him not to let himself in etc Should be fine. If he's hurt /offended by it , maintain your stance and he'll get over it for sure me thinks

My dad used to turn up when my kids were little around their dinner time b/c he happened to pass by at that time. He would turn up with chocolate for them. Yeah , just before dinner. I asked impolitely if he could not bring the chocolate as it disturbed their meal etc , he got well offended and didnt come for 6 wks.Thats on him , how childish I thought

I mean I asked 'politely' not impolitely

it was meant to say 'asked him politely'

I have a key to my parents house... I've never used it.