To have 0 social battery after having my parents to stay for 8 weeks over the festive period.

[heavenknow]

I’m due back to work tomorrow after a good period of work and I should be rested but I’m absolutely broken. We live in Australia, my mum and dad have come out for Christmas but it’s just been too much. Every single day, the pressure has been on me to arrange and communicate the ‘plan for the day’ - down to making dinner/lunch/snacks. Deal with the multiple complaints about the heat (when sitting outside, not in the fully airconed house) and buy everyone else’s Christmas gifts - including everyone here and at home (as I’m good at gift buying, apparently) mum has early on set dementia, so my dad (understandably) has taken it as an opportunity to rest, so has pushed loads onto me - your mum is hungry, can you make her lunch, mum can’t wait that long for dinner, don’t give her and more wine, have you ordered mum’s gifts from me yet, what have you bought your sisters kids from us to take back etc etc…… But I’m absolutely f**ked. I want a bottle of wine, a documentary and not a single person to need my assistance for 24-48 hours!!!!
Is this the reality of this stage of life?

If they are wealthy as you say, can they/ you get some help next time they come? Say a carer 2-3 times a week. You can’t just take over for your dad on top of what sounds like a full time job, etc. for 2 months!

First don’t feel guilty for not enjoying the time with them, it’s totally natural to be stressed in the situation where you are caring for everyone’s needs and 8 weeks is a long time. Plus you’re likely doing a bit of grieving about the change in your DPs.If they are capable of coming again maybe it would help to switch up location but I would worry about that if and when it happens.

Secondly as some DPs get older - particularly if dementia is involved- they start to get quite selfish and only able to consider their own needs. Unfortunately I have found that I need to now treat mine almost as toddlers and say no to more egregious demands as otherwise they would completely suck me dry.

As others have said it’s a concentrated burst of them rather than ongoing day to day stuff. Their needs won’t decline so try to support your Dsis remotely as much as you can.

Sounds awful OP but lesson learned to never do it again and if it is suggested again you just have to be honest that it was too long and too much.

Does your Dad have support with your mum back at home? Maybe it’s time to suggest in home care to him.

I had MIL for 9 days and SIL for a couple. Plus we had friends between Christmas and NY and then we went away for NY and met DS GF extended family. On NY day night I slept for 12 hours and then just didn’t speak to anyone the next day. DH and I sat and watched a box set for about 5 hours and said about half a dozen words in that time, we both needed that.

No idea how you managed 8 weeks of hosting.

If your dad is caring for your mum all the time alone, I’m not surprised he needed a break. His life must be tough. And if you live in Oz, you can’t do any of the usual day-to-day stuff, so I can kind of see why he relied on you while they were with you.

But it does sound exhausting for you. Eight weeks is a long, long time to have house guests, even (especially?) your parents.

@sittingonabeach- I’m so sorry about your mum. I think what has been the most exhausting emotionally is appreciating the change in my mum and dad, that’s completely broken me. I feel
SO guilty needing a rest, and making the choice to live overseas.