To find it laughable that people call it “self-care” to ignore others?

[PoliteEnoughNotToGhost]

I keep seeing people act like ghosting, avoiding messages or pulling away from loved ones is some kind of empowered boundary. But since when did basic decency or communication become optional in the name of “self-care”?

Isn’t it possible to look after yourself without treating others like they’re disposable?
AIBU to think that a lot of this is just emotional laziness dressed up in self-help language?

Are you my mother in law? Your son isn't speaking to you because you're rude and he just can't be bothered to keep managing you after trying to speak to you several times.

Seriously OP, who's not speaking to you? Why do you think that is?

Not necessarily. Given that a freakishly high number of Mners appear to have friends they don't actually like, and to see their social lives as some kind of round of dreary obligation and dutiful 'checking-in' messages, it may be a sign of the awakening of some kind of minimal emotional IQ.

Completely agree. I have a friend like this, will be half way through planning to meet for eg over WhatsApp. She'll suddenly go quiet. Then msg days later saying sorry she got overwhelmed or had to prioritise herself and her MH. Like what about my MH?? Being strung along and then ghosted!!!

When you are being hounded by someone who just doesn’t take no for an answer and won’t leave you alone because they don’t have the mental capacity to understand they are driving you insane then yes, it is self care to stop answering their calls.

It’s not pulling away from loved ones though is it? It’s stopping interacting with people who cause harm.

IME people complaining about others having boundaries are the kind of people that make boundaries necessary

Yabu. Some people are emotionally draining and you do need to distance yourself for your own mh sometimes. But ghosting is horrible. They should let you know why they're avoiding you if they already haven't

It's helpful to be able to mute.
Potentially when the self noise stops communication might actually start.

I have withdrawn from people in the name of self care. I have not withdrawn from people I enjoy seeing. Make of that what you will.

This isn’t about a specific personal situation. It’s a general observation about how the language of “self-care” is sometimes used to justify avoiding any uncomfortable communication at all.

Obviously there are situations where distance or no contact is necessary. I’m talking about the trend of labelling basic non-communication as empowerment by default, without any reflection on impact.

But sometimes even when you explain to people how their behaviour affects you they refuse to listen so distancing becomes the only way to maintain your sanity.

Not sure why you felt the need to announce you’re a man, my point wasn’t gender-specific.

When someone is causing harm, stepping back or going no-contact can be necessary and healthy. That isn’t what I’m criticising. I’m talking about situations where self-care is used as a blanket justification for avoiding any difficult conversation or accountability, even in otherwise functional relationships.

give us your example then?

I haven’t noticed what you’re describing as trend. It’ll probably change soon enough if it’s being driven by social media.

Completely agree with sunnieday,
What actual difficult conversation?
Example please.

This is the second baiting thread on attacking people with “boundaries” I’ve seen tonight. Is this a bot post!”?

I agree. My therapist said she puts self care above the needs of her clients (some are very vulnerable).

Another one asking for your specific example please op

You are talking in riddles, you are looking at it from one side you have no idea the impact one person has on another unless you are person who is involved

If somone is needy or narcissistic or only ever speaks of themselves there is a chance people will move on from them

Its all about balance. Care for yourself and care for others in equal measure.
(I do sometimes think if people cut down on the time they spent going on about their mental wellbeing, how 'safe' they feel and whatever other psycobabble they've picked up, they'd have time to text their mates though, if I'm honest.)

I will cut anyone off, i have done and have no regrets.
I will live in my own world thank you.

@PoliteEnoughNotToGhost i agree with you. I find the ‘therapy’ culture we live in unbelievably self absorbed... I have a sibling who is quite a lot younger and all they think about is themselves. They would say they suffer from stress / anxiety but honestly I don’t think they are any different to anyone else based on what they describe to me!