To ask how you think this divorce may look?

[Questionstoask]

• 3 children under the age of 6
• DH earns £260,000 per year roughly. This has increased since our relationship began.
• Married for 2 years
• Relationship of 10 years in total
• Property equity of £400,000
• SAHM since our youngest was born
• House deposit came entirely from DH
• DH works abroad for 1 week per month.
• savings of approx £100k.

I know I need to speak this through with a solicitor.
Extremely likely DH will give near enough full custody to me (6 days per week).

Looking for thoughts and experiences of anyone else who’s been in a similar position.

Sorry not what you’ve asked, but you need to take pensions in to account too, that’s a major asset.

hows the children care going to be split? Is it 50/50? What’s the housing pricing like in your area - how much would a 3 bedroom house be? Whats your earning potential if you return to work?

Well, I think it matters where you are - what jurisdiction? In Scotland, the starting point for assets from the marriage is 50/50 and this includes pension. Start date of marriage to date of separation. It is different in England

Earning potential low as I’ve been a SAHM for so long. We’re talking under £30k working full time. I’d be happy to retrain though.

3 bed would be £300-400k.

No substantial pension on either side.

Childcare would be 6/1.

Baffled as on a salary of that much surely there is a pension attached?

Pension is approx £150k.
I am not interested in his pension, I care more for ensuring myself and the DC would be housed.

Pension is part of it and will have to be declared as part of the divorce, it's also a huge asset that even if you don't want any of it, could help you to get more equity instead for example.

Sahm since youngest born or eldest? What did you do and when are you going back to work?

But if you include pension that's possibly another £50-£60k of equity to help house you and the children. I can't remember exactly how it works as £ for £ pension isnt the same as an actual £. In England the total length of the relationship will be taken into account. You will need advice with that salary.

Since eldest was born.
DH and I had planned for me to stay at home whilst children still need picking up/dropping off at school. So for the next 15 years or so. Obviously this would change upon divorce. I would like to stay off until the youngest is 5.
Youngest is a newborn.

Surely this wouldn’t be available to me as house equity though? It would just be added to my own pension?

You absolutely need to care about pension. The offset is he can keep it but he has to trade of giving you more house. You have to be interested in it as part of his assets

You can’t draw it down now but they would account for it in his pot of the divorce and you get more of the available cash now

You say you’ve been a sahm “for so long” but also that you’ve been a sahm since youngest was born and you have three children all under six, so can’t have been for more than a year or two?

Sorry, this is wrong. I’ve been a SAHM since the oldest was born. For 6 years.

If you’re trying to fund another home for you and DC from your share of the equity and savings, there’s not going to be enough left to enable you to not work for the next 5 years surely? I haven’t calculated how much maintenance he’d have to pay you but I don’t know that it would be enough for you and 2DC to live entirely off?

No. Pension??!

Is he self employed?
Are things amicable?

I’m sorry you’re having to contemplate all this with a newborn that’s a horrible situation. I could be completely wrong but I thought a marriage of 5 years (UK) is when assets are 50:50. You need to consider spousal maintenance as well as maintenance for yourself child. Would the house definitely be sold or could your ex buy you a house out of the equity perhaps maintaining a mesher type order so he has an equitable interest? MN really isn’t the place for advice especially as you’re no doubt particularly vulnerable with a newborn. I really hope you get some decent legal advice x

OP are you certain you want to get divorced right now? It might be better for you to wait a few years until you aren’t running around like a headless chicken after 3 small children?
im saying that as someone with 3 child the same age as yours and a high earning husband. I left him for a short trail break.

I went back to him for a host of reasons but one of them is that the kids were just small for us to be putting them through this and also for me to shoulder all the parenting and lawyers etc at the same time. I decided to make the best of life for a few years and reassess when hormones settled, my sleep better and my husband a chance to improve his dad skills

OP, you really need to get some advice from a good divorce lawyer, or you will be giving away assets that you don't need to give away.

Exactly as @Tammygirl12 has said, if you want it as equity rather than pension then there can be an element of off-setting. We aren't such high earners but have a pension sharing order due to the discrepancy. We split his pension 25/75 and the house 60/40.

Bluntly... you have 3 kids and need to cop on.
You are both silly and stupid not to be interested in pensions.
150k is half the 300-400k house you need.
You also presumably have fuck all private pension yourself.
retirement on only a Full State pension is fairly grim for most.
I'd also be amazed if he only has 150k.
If you dont want 75k pension you can trade it off for more £££ now to buy a house outright.

Separately Unless you are driving luxury cars / spending 30k pa on holidays /living the life of Reily your assets look suspiciously low. (My dh and I earn similar combined we have 2 small kids and spend 5k pm on childcare and have still significantly more assets than you ourline here....)

I'd be doing some hunting.
You also need a lawyer 2 yrs is a very short marriage...