Aibu for thinking this is a little weird?

[Daisychain67]

My daughter recently had a birthday and wanted her friend to come round to the house to play as we had been on holiday for her birthday and she didn’t have a proper party.

I had spoken with her friend’s mum and said I would do them both a little tea party and they can play for a few hours, she agreed she would drop her off at 2pm on the Sunday. When she arrived, she had my daughter’s friend and her younger sister with her. I welcomed them in but didn’t expect her and the younger sister to stay. It was a quite awkward as I’ve never actually spoken to the mum before as I rarely see her at the school.

They stayed for around 5 hours and the conversation felt very forced and a little hard to talk to her as she is polish and although she speaks quite good English she still didn’t understand what I was saying some of the time.

I felt awkward the whole time and was relieved when they had left. I was also looking forward to my daughter being distracted with her friend for a while so I could get some unpacking and washing done.

My daughters never had friends round before and I’m wondering if this is normal for parents to stay? Or would you leave your child and pick them up later?

how old are they?

Playdates are diff for diff cultures. She thought it was a chance for two women to get together with their children not as a kind of babysitting that her daughter would do for you so you could get stuff done. Its just a misunderstanding.

why would I completely leave my child with someone I don’t know. I think it is strange you would expect this (age dependent)

I didn’t expect her daughter to ‘babysit for me so I could get stuff done’ I think you’re trying to insult my parenting there that’s a bit far

8

Just different cultural expectations about play dates. Maybe in future provide more explanation. Difficult to comment as you haven’t provided age of child. I think under 7 then I might also feel nervous about leaving my child with a stranger I hadn’t taken the time to find out about. If secondary school age then I would me more relaxed ( probably).

At 8 I think most would be a drop off, but it just sounds like a misunderstanding, maybe she thought you wanted her to stay or maybe she didn't feel comfortable dropping off if she doesn't know you very well? You did say that the conversation was difficult because she didn't always understand, so I'd put it down to that she misunderstood.

At 8 I would expect most parents to drop off. She may have misunderstood or just not felt comfortable leaving her daughter with someone she didn't know.

I could understand her apprehension if you have never spoken in person before, but 5 hours is pushing it a bit!

8 is a very normal age for a drop-off playdate, and there's obviously nothing wrong with wanting to get some things done while she's over. Likely just a misunderstanding, but I would personally think it is a little odd just as it wouldn't be what I expect. Nothing inherently wrong with it, just not what I have experienced before.

At age eight I'd normally drop and go, but I wouldn't usually agree to a drop-off playdate with someone I didn't know at all/had never been to their home before.

It's just a misunderstanding, the other Mum didn't do anything wrong and isn't weird. I understand the annoyance though, small talk for five hours is my worst nightmare!

Sounds like miscommunication, but surely you could have made your excuses after a couple of hours?

So the mum and the little sister stayed? So 2 extra?

If the friend been to your house before then yes I would have expected her to be left but as the woman didn’t really know you then I don’t think that’s unreasonable. I am at a loss to understand though how the conversation went did you not say “yes drop friend over at 2 and then can you come and collect her at whatever’ ? this would have given her the opportunity to say that she’d rather stay with her

I think it is in how you invite them. Close friends of my DC we often go over each others and have a cup of tea whike kids play, this is very normal. However as they have got older / we need to get things done we just clearly invite the child and suggest a time for pick up.

In many European cultures when you invite a kid for a play date, especially if the parents do not know each other, you stay over, to ensure things get on smoothly. It would also be considered rude to drop off as wanting free babysitting. You only drop off if you know the parents very well. Play dates (and birthdays) last not 2 hour but the whole afternoon. Additionally she might not have many friends in the uk or in that school and she might have seen this as an opportunity to have a chat. Obviously it was a difficult chat as you were not interested in knowing her and only wanted to get on with your things. She might have felt uncomfortable and making an extra effort to stay longer and to talk to you and try and understand your English (do you have a thick regional accent?) not to be rude. That’s why British people are considered cold and unapproachable (and rude) by Europeans.
do not worry by the time her second child is in primary she would have gotten all these unwritten rules and will be dropping off her kids without attempting any social approach to any of the parents who she will get the cues are not interested in her.

I wouldn't expect them to stay. I'd make it clear she could drop off and pick up at certain times though. Maybe she misunderstood.

Did you specify an end time? Usually the sentence "you can drop her off at this time and pick her up at 5 /we'll drop her off at 5" solves the potential misunderstanding/confusion.

At 8 years old a drop off is fine, but only with someone you know. Would you really drop your daughter off at the house of a virtual stranger you’d never spoken to, not knowing if the house was safe, who else (eg adult males) might be there? To me it’s weird you expected her to drop her daughter off without knowing you or your house?

First play dates usually involve parents if they don’t know you. They wouldn’t leave their kid with a stranger they don’t really know anything about.

This

I wouldnt leave an 8year old in a strange house with parents id never met before. I think its normal to stay although id have expected to only be there like 2 hrs

I had this when the kids were young (also Mum is the same nationality) so I think it is most likely a difference in culture. Playdate at someones house in the UK generally means dropping off (unless the kids are very young (toddlers) and then its obvious you would stay). Once they are school age, its usually parents taking turns to have the kids and just as you said, they can play and Mum/Dad can get stuff done.

I would just make it very clear next time in the message - ‘Would your daughter like to come round to play? I’ll just be doing housework/work and they can happily play together. Happy to feed xxx and drop her back afterwards to you’.

I don't think it's weird that the mum stayed. You say you have never spoken to the mum before. She doesn't know you. I think it's very wise to check out a family you don't know rather than just dumping your kid. I don't know why people feel so safe leaving their child with a complete stranger just because they are a parent.

At 8 years old there is no way for them to contact you if anything is wrong as it's unlikely an 8 year old will have a phone.

8 with friends from school? I think most people in our class didn’t stay at parties from about Year 2 onwards. I’d say most playdates are without parents from 5 onwards. If someone invites your child over from school at 8, I dont think they are expecting you to stay.

They might if its the first time they met you.