Aibu for thinking this is a little weird?

[Daisychain67]

My daughter recently had a birthday and wanted her friend to come round to the house to play as we had been on holiday for her birthday and she didn’t have a proper party.

I had spoken with her friend’s mum and said I would do them both a little tea party and they can play for a few hours, she agreed she would drop her off at 2pm on the Sunday. When she arrived, she had my daughter’s friend and her younger sister with her. I welcomed them in but didn’t expect her and the younger sister to stay. It was a quite awkward as I’ve never actually spoken to the mum before as I rarely see her at the school.

They stayed for around 5 hours and the conversation felt very forced and a little hard to talk to her as she is polish and although she speaks quite good English she still didn’t understand what I was saying some of the time.

I felt awkward the whole time and was relieved when they had left. I was also looking forward to my daughter being distracted with her friend for a while so I could get some unpacking and washing done.

My daughters never had friends round before and I’m wondering if this is normal for parents to stay? Or would you leave your child and pick them up later?

Some people do one or the other, or both. Depending on age and parents’ wishes.

Unfortunate miscommunication and a bit awkward but it’s done now.

After 2 hours or so I would have said to the mum ‘relax with a cup of tea. I’m just going to put a wash on/hoover in the other room/load the dishwasher’ or whatever needed doing.

If you don’t know the mum then would you send your child round to theirs? Personally unless I knew the parents my kids would not be going for play dates unless I was there 🤷🏼‍♀️

I really think it depends, I’ve gone to play dates whereby I’ve been invited in for a cup of tea so ended up staying, others whereby I dropped off dc and went on my merry way. Definitely just a misunderstanding / different ways of doing things. Maybe she didn’t feel comfortable leaving her child with a parent she didn’t really know! Next time just make it clear to drop off and be back at such and such a time to pick up.

Thats so weird, because ive just seen another post from a Polish mother who had taken her 8 year old to a play date and was annoyed that she was expected to stay for the whole 5 hours when she had her own shit to be getting on with.

My advice would be from much experience
don’t bother with home visits and other mothers and children’s friends .. it never works out

If it's the first time they have been round I'd want to come in for a bit and scope out the environment (any big dogs etc.). I'd be ok leaving after a cup of tea if the girls were settled though at 8. I have always had the parents stay so far for my daughter though as she is only 5 and that's just too little for me just yet.

Staying for play dates never happened when I was a lass, nor when I had my children. It was usually greet at the door, invited child runs inside, parents negotiate a pick up or drop off time still at the door.

If your DD had never had a friend to the house before then it’s possible hers hasn’t, either, I think she’s just misunderstood rather than it being “weird”, and thought this was a social invitation. Unless it’s clearly communicated there’s no easy way for either party to clarify after arrival: you felt too awkward to say anything, if she said after a while “shall I leave now?” she’d probably worry that you’d interpret that as “I am bored of talking to you.” Just make sure it’s clear in future.

Absolutely.
Czech citizen here.

Not at all 'weird' but a misunderstanding - largely driven by you for not making the arrangement clear ("drop off at 2 pm, I'll give them their tea and then come back to pick up at 6 pm").

No, it’s quite normal. Why would you automatically jump to ‘weird’ when it’s actually an opportunity to make a new friend. That’s weird.

At 8 I wouldn't necessarily expect the parent to stay but I would've given them a dropping off and picking up time.

The latter would mean they knew they weren't being invited to stay.

Why didn't you use your words? When the mum was about to walk in "Oh you can pick up 6pm/I'll drop her home at 6pm. You don't need to stay"

5 hours??? TF?? Where do i get free childcare playdates like this?

Am I the only person who thinks a child never having had a friend round before they are 8 is more weird?

I don't think it's weird, I think you both just had different expectations.

I think would've dropped off, but is the first time your daughters friends been around?
As you've already admitted you don't know the mum very well. I think the mum was just being careful at a strangers house, fair enough tbh.

What I don't understand is why your eight year old child could not have helped with the unpacking and washing. Why does she need to be distracted before you can get chores done? Unpacking and laundry is not a lengthy or difficult task, and my boys were younger than eight when they started helping. By the time they were 11 they were doing their own laundry.

I don't think that's weird that she stayed and brought her younger dd tbh. I wouldn't expect that, but equally wouldn't be horrified if it happened. The staying 5 hours part is a bit too much though. If you do it again, I'd specify a start and finish time.

I wouldn't let my 9 year old go alone to a house I had never been to before, with a parent I hardly knew. She was not being weird at all.

in reception play dates generally involved parents staying (and yes the stilted conversation was painful). By y1 most parents were happy to drop and go, in fact my daughter is generally a bit grumpy if I try to stay and catch up with her friends mum (who is actually my friend!) the 2 I can think of who were a little more hesitant about leaving their children were indeed polish and Spanish, so perhaps it’s a cultural difference.

5 hours is a long play date (especially for a first play date!) with or without parents there though - I often find falling out tends to start around the 2.5/3 hour mark.

If you dont know the mum there is a reasonable chance they might want to stay. Or she may have been concerned that you expected her to stay and may look rude to leave.

In future find a way to word it so it is clear and parent can decide. "Drop off at 2pm and collect at 5pm" might work.

No - that’s exactly what happens when I have kids over. They occupy each other!!!

Im sure ive read this before.