Was husband out of line or am I being dramatic?

[Weddingdriver]

Yesterday NYE, my husband, 2 kids and I had a family wedding in the morning with the after party wrapping up around 4pm.

Our plans for afterwards were to come home, cook a nice meal and see the new year in in the comfort of our living room and some sparklers with the kids if they managed to stay awake. I’ve been unwell for a few days (on antibiotics) so specifically didn’t want to do have a heavy night.

I agreed to drive to the wedding so that he could have a drink. This was agreed before I was unwell as it’s his family member.

Anyhow once the wedding party had wrapped up I realised he was more than bit tipsy but still though “oh well maybe we won’t make midnight” but can still have a nice chilled evening.

On the drive home we both began to get phone calls from friends asking what our plans were and got a handful of invites to events. I politely declined stating I wasn’t feeling well and would be spending it at home.

We arrived home and I headed out to grab some bits for dinner. Upon returning he has another friend in the house and they are making plans for this friend to come to urs for drinks. I tell the friend I’m not feeling well and would rather he didn’t but tell my husband he’s welcome to go out if he’s changed his mind and I’d be happy to have a nice quiet one with the kids. Husband declined and his friend left. For the next 2 hours whilst I cooked and ate dinner with the kids my husband spent his time on face time to family and friends continuing to drink.

Then at around 8pm I retreated to the sofa in my pjs with a blanket and the kids to watch a film.

Suddenly a group of friends, there kids and the friend from earlier all came marching through my door with arms full of alcohol (all very merry). My husband had been FaceTiming and calling around friends inviting as many people as he could to our house for NYE!!!

im encouraged to join them - I say no and let them crack on on the kitchen. But by this point they’ve riled the kids up - the house is being pulled apart by everyone.

At around 11pm I snapped at my husband and said in off to bed this was not what I had planned. The female friend that came had realised I was unhappy and announced that everyone could go to her house to give me some peace for which I was grateful.

Then I hear my husband announce “get your coats on kids” - he’d gone to our friend house by this point very drunk and taken our 2 kids (3 & 5) left the house in disarray from his small party and left me to sit on my own in bed to see the new year in. He then returned with the kids at 2am.

I’ve been furious with him today. Mostly for the invites to his entire phone book to have a party at ours but also a part of me is really sad that I didn’t even get to spend it with the kids - because he took them. (But I think if the kids were given the option they’d have chosen to go and not stay).

He thinks I’m being dramatic, I on the other hand don’t even want to be in the same room as him.

AIBU?

YABU - it’s one night, cheer up.

YANBU - he’s a twat if he wanted to party he should have gone out and left the kids at home so I wasn’t alone to celebrate new year.

ETA - I knew the kids would be safe with the other adults there. I hadn’t had a drink so could pick them up at any point.

Hes and arse he should have just gone out.

I would be so mortified! In your pyjamas and loads of friends come in? Just no. I would have given him a piece of my mind there and then. How on earth is he defending this?

I'd have been incandescent at a 3 and 5 year old being dragged out by their drunk dad at 11pm. You shouldn't have let them go. It's all very well saying other more sober adults were there, but unless one of them had specifically confirmed to you that they would take charge of your kids, the children were in a risky position.

Husband is obviously a twat. Does he ever give shit about what you want and need or was this a one off?

He was a total twat for inviting people round without regard for you. You are right to be pissed off, I would ask what he is like when not drunk? Is he always a selfish arse?

He’s a cunt.

Absolute nobhead! I’d be furious!

I actually don't know what to say, I think this might be the first time I've been left gobsmacked by someones total lack of respect for someone they love, that is supposed to be their priority!

I would be fuming and there is no way I would have allowed the kids to go with him. 3 and 5 year olds out to 2am with a drunk father🙈

Good god OP. It's not uncommon for me to think that an OP is dramatic but I can 100% say that he behaved like an absolute shit. You were clear in your plans, you were unwell and you gave him your blessing to go himself. He has treated you appallingly. I hope you're feeling better.

I get wanting to be spontaneous. But he should not have invited pals round without asking. And I think it’s mad to keep small kids up until 2am. Surely they were just having tired meltdowns the whole time they were at the party?

What an odd situation. I find that most people plan New Years well in advance. Highly unusual for anyone to be able to arrange a party at the last minute like that and have a whole group of people turn up.

But I know that isn’t the point. YANBU at all, in that he shouldn’t have arranged a party when you weren’t well and said you wanted a quiet one. I do think you’re being a bit precious about seeing the new year in alone, especially as you’d been happy for him to go out alone.

If my drunk husband had dragged my 3 and 5 year olds out of the house until 2am I would almost certainly be divorcing him.

Gosh, I’m normally pretty laidback, but I would have been damned pissed off about this.

I’d have been out of bed like a shot if I’d heard “get your coats on kids” in that situation. Tbh I’d have taken them to bed with me when I went (I’m not clear on whether you were in bed at this point or had just said you were going). They’re very young to be around a lot of drunk adults.

Your husband sounds like a dick.

What the fuck have I just read? Poor kids.

The rest of it is one thing, but a 3 and 5yo being dragged out with a bunch of drunk people till 2am?! That’s absolutely bonkers behaviour. I can’t imagine they enjoyed it, they must have been exhausted. My two can handle the odd late night but that’s like 10pm, not 2am!

What a fucking shit show from your dh

I would have had to invite the local brass band round at 6am for band practice.

Wow!!! Selfish pig. I'd be leaving. He has no respect for you.

Your husband obviously behaved like a total dick but were you planning on keeping your very young kids up with you to see in the new year because that’s a bit odd too.

I would be absolutely raging at him bringing people around without asking/ knowing that you didn’t want anyone round.

Is he often selfish like this?
Does he have a drink problem?

I’m also amazed that after a wedding, your 3 and 5yo were going to stay up till midnight let alone 2am! My DD1 is almost 7 and the latest she’s ever made it is 10pm!

My kids used to stay up until midnight at that age on NYE. Not with a selfish drunk of a father dragging them from pillar to post just to spite his unwell wife, though. That’s disgraceful.

I was into the story until I read the bit about the kids and now that’s blown it all out the water. Hell would freeze over before I would let my small kids leave the house with a drunk parent at that time of night. My 3 and 5 yo were in bed by 8am last night after we had friends over 5-8pm for a little glass of champagne and kids played. Over my dead body would I allow my husband to take them out of the house to someone else’s where people were drinking. Why didn’t you put your foot down?????