Ex threatening suicide.

[1971girl]

I finished with my partner at the beginning of Dec. Both aged 54. I live with my son and he has a place of his own. I moved town and decided on a fresh start as our relationship had been very up and down. Lots of rows usually on alcohol as he could be a total twat on drink and start fights. I decided to break the cycle when I moved to a new house back in my hometown as he lived so close by to me and my old house. He has a drink problem and definitely has anxiety and mental health issues. I blocked him on the phone but he has been emailing me. I do care what happens to him but I don't want his issues anymore. The emails range between pure venom for dumping him and then wanting to be civil and meet up. He blames me for everything and thinks I am a cruel bitch for finishing with him. I try not to respond mostly. I have a heart but I know we would always have issues and he was draining me at times. I received an email saying he is going to end it all in a few days. I am alarmed at this and don't know what to do or who I should contact. Any advice would be very appreciated.

Yes, previous posters are correct. In coercive/ controlling relationships the period when the relationship has ended is the most dangerous time for you. Much of the research completed around the stages of domestic homicide cases suggest that any threats made to hurt or kill themselves can be interpreted as a direct threat to hurt or kill you. Please keep yourself safe.

Attention seeking. I'd get the police to do a welfare check. That will soon put the frighteners on him, then I would block his email x

Hes not your problem. Abusers use the threat of suicide to keep control. They dont do it because they are not suicidal.

Send his emails to your spam folder and delete them.

He'll get the message eventually

Block him on all channels and don’t respond, you’re not responsible for his decisions and it sounds like he has major issues. Cut all contact, he’s a grown man.

My husband once tried this and I said to him. Well that would be absolutely devastating for everyone in your family, but let me make this clear to you it would be your choice to do that and would be absolutely nothing to do with me. If you chose that path, which quite frankly is horrendous, I would never ever feel guilt because I would never chose that path for you or anyone else. I’m not going to feel guilty about a decision he’s making when I would never choose it. Do not let him emotionally blackmail you, his choices are his choices.

Call the police and report his suicide threat. This is over your pay grade.

If he's serious, it's a psychiatric emergency and he needs immediate evaluation and treatment. If it's manipulation or alcohol, he can explain that to the police and there's official documentation in case he gets more aggressive.

Well it IS true - because I was saying it is MY experience.

And I am not saying they have never spoken to anyone about it, but not in the "LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEE!! I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF AND IT'S YOUR FAULT" way

@HeadyLamarr Not really. There are people who threaten suicide in a manipulative fashion who will go on to do it, just as there are people who will talk more rationally beforehand about feeling there's nothing to live for. And of course in both groups there are many who won't attempt. I've no sympathy for the ex in this scenario and don't think the op should feel responsible, but there are enough myths and disinformation about suicide already, it's not helpful to suggest that just because this ex is being a manipulative twat there's no risk he'll act on it, he might, no one here knows.

Report to the police and get them to do a welfare visit

I would ignore him . Giving you notice of his intended suicide is rather odd and totally manipulative . He’s after a reaction & continuing to control you

i’m not disputing that this guy is behaving awfully and i don’t give him any regard at all, but you are maybe unknowingly peddling a dangerous myths about suicide. Many people dont talk beforehand, a lot of people do. It’s not a good idea to put this all or nothing idea in people’s heads.

Ignore the silly bugger. If he was really going to top himself, he wouldn’t have said a word, as he wouldn’t want to be interrupted.

He and his actions aren’t your problem.

Call the police to.pass on tge information. I'd not read any further emails ... send them to junk.

Ignore him. He won’t know if you read the email or not. Block all contact, it’s the only way

You send him one email telling him not to contact you

thenyou mark his email address as junk/spam goes straight into those boxes and ignore

I split with my husband because of his difficult behaviour, he was step dad to two of mine and we had another . We loved each other very much but I couldn't cope with him and he'd threaten suicide , to which I thought it was again him trying to manipulate a situation . Sadly I was wrong and he took his life a few years ago and me and the kids miss him every day . It's hard to know what to do but the guilt of thinking I ignored his threats and put them down to him being manipulative is a burden I will always carry

I vaguely recall somebody making similar noises to me decades ago. I suggested the local suicide jumping off spot if he was looking for options. I shudder at it a bit now. However, you know what, over 30 years later he seems very alive. I know this because I saw a vaguely familiar looking man glaring at me when I was out on an errand. Now to be fair this wasn't somebody struggling with mental health issues but a very manipulative older man who was trying to wreck my life and I'd just had enough and snapped. In your case, I'd just ignore and block. Any contact at all is encouraging him. Seemingly the only thing that would make him "happy" is letting him back into your life and you're not obliged to set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm. You are not responsible for his drinking or his mental health. He's got a roof over his head and enough money to drink to excess. He's not lying in the gutter.

Tell police. Block emails. Ignore the twat.

Call the police, tell them he’s threatening to harm himself and then block his email address.

and don’t believe a word he says.

Kindly block his email aswell, What he does or doesn't do, threatens etc is not your problem. It's called emotional abuse don't let it get to you. Block everything and keep moving on in the right direction for you

I agree with passing the risk to the police (welfare check) so that ex knows this tactic will not work. Then cut all contact.

I agree with asking the police to do a welfare check on him. Ask them if they would also warn him to stop harassing you while they are about it.

This is an attempt to manipulate and regain control of you. Either ignore any further emails or send them on to the police.

I would try to block him on email, but if that isn't that easy I would close down that email address and create another for myself that he would not be given.

Also, I hope he has no key to your house and doesn't know the address. If necessary change your locks. Call the police if he does show up and do not open the door to him. A Ring doorbell is your friend here.

This absolutely doesn't sound like the whole story with your ex, I'm afraid. There are no accidental domestic abuse charges because someone was threatening suicide and the other person was trying to help.

@1971girl I would report him once to the police for making threats to end his life and ask them to do a welfare check. After that it's nothing to do with you and if he continues to contact you, you should report him for stalking and harassment. It's up to him to engage with alcohol support and MH services, or not. Your ex sounds like a carbon copy of my abusive ex. Also an angry, blaming alcoholic with MH/personality disorder issues. Take no responsibility for him. Even years later, my ex would occasionally text me drunk at 3 am saying he needed to talk to me, or send me something offensive in the post, anonymously. You don't need to feel responsible for him. You didn't cause this and you cannot control or change it. Well done on getting away.

@1971girl FFS do NOT do this.

As others have said call 111 for MH crisis team and speak to them. Check if they can do a wellness check.

If not contact police and advise them.

Other than than it is not your responsibility and block him everywhere.

Report this email to the police so they can do a welfare check - then block his emails.