BILs drinking

[123teenagerfood]

My BILs wife left him a few years ago for another man and is now remarried. His family all pretend it was an amicable split. He has since blown all his divorce money (house sale approx 100k) rents and is barely getting by. He is a big drinker 3 bottles of red is normal. Other BIL and him drank 9 bottles of red between them on Christmas day both still standing. Turns out BIL has a coke addiction. His family have their heads in the sand. BIL is a mess, lost weight, is not eating, i've raised issue with MIL, she thinks he had an overactive thyroid. What can i do to get through to them and him. BIL and I are not close.

Nothing to do with you?

You can’t do anything if he doesn’t want to change to be brutally honest.

Honestly if they don’t want to see it or address it they won’t. If you aren’t close put your DH on to it.

Bluntly, it’s not your problem. And no addict will change anything until they want to. Just back off.

You can’t save him, don’t even try. Personally, I’d put a lot of distance between me and anyone who knocks back three bottles of wine in one go, but I find heavy drinkers exhausting to be around.

Speak to your DH?
There's no changing other people though, and it's important to protect yourself and your family.

Not your problem but I'd avoid spending time with him as much as possible, drunks are not good company. What does your husband think? Surely he should be the one to speak to MIL about it?

Family don’t have head in sand, they see it and choose not to address it. There’s a difference. Maybe just emotionally exhausted, or don’t care…..either way you will get no thanks for intervening.

Why do yoy need to do anything?

Hes a grown adult - you are totally outside his sphere; ita not your place to make people see or to solve any problems.

Stay in your lane, stfu and let them get on with it. Not your circus, or monkeys

I agree with others. If you’re looking for some drama you could get involved, of course.

OK, thanks everyone. I'll just sit back and watch him destroy his family and probably die, might get some popcorn for the show.

You cannot do anything

Strange reaction to the comments. You literally cannot do anything. Only the person drinking can decide to change.

You asked for opinions .. maybe you need advice from professionals who will tell you the exact same thing .
My partner died from a drink and drugs problem , sadly there’s nothing you can do to help them coz only THEY can change them and most of them the time they don’t want to stop . And until he does there’s absolutely nothing you can do !!!

it’s reality not people being harsh .

Has he got children who see him drunk all the time?

You don’t have to keep quiet just because his family don’t acknowledge it. Keep being open and talking about his drinking so it’s not brushed under the carpet.

I don’t think people are trying to be flippant or dismissive OP. There is literally nothing anyone can do to help an addict. Even a spouse or parent cant do anything.

The only way an addict can turn an addiction around is if they decide to do it and they have to really want to do it and most of the time they still don’t. Supporting an addict is a very hard road.

Unless you are a very close family member there’s nothing to be gained from getting involved. The family already knows but is either in denial or just doesn’t want you to get involved.

If you really want to help, get your husband to step up.

You can’t change an addict. Only they can change themselves. Personally as it’s not my family I’d stay well clear. There’s a reason his wife left him.

What would you expect anyone to do? This is BILs responsibility. He must know how much he drink and sticks up his nose. Nothing will change unless he wants to make changes.

If family are struggling then Al-anon or SMART family and friends can be helpful to support the family - but deciding to stop/work on recovery is no-one’s choice but BILs.

Wow, harsh! Are you the BIL?

If they want to deny what's going on there's not really a lot you can do. I suggest that you step back and stay well out of it. You'll get no thanks.

Ask your DH to speak to him. If both BIL drank 9 bottles of wine between them an one raised an eye it sounds like maybe they all have experienced a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol.

You say you aren’t close so probably aren’t in the best position to do anything. Is your DH close to his brothers? How often do you see them? Just Christmases and wedding or all the time? Is this the first time you have noticed the drinking or has it been going on or building for some time?

I understand that you are upset and feeling powerless, but you need to understand the one absolute fundamental truth about people in addiction: you cannot help them. You are powerless to do anything about their addiction. Only they are able to do that, only they are able to acknowledge that there is a problem. You cannot 'talk to them and make them see the light' - it won't happen.

Do talk to your DH because you and he should be supporting each other as people who have a relative in addiction. But that is all.

I know, because my late husband was an alcoholic. There's a long running support thread on the alcohol board where you might find useful information, support and some tough love.

I'm guessing that if you said anything he'd tell you to fuck right off and mind your own business. Have you a prepared response to that, because its highly likely he would say something like that. And i understand your concerns but listen to others on the thread also. Id imagine it would be better being said by your DH anyway, his brother i take it?