BILs drinking

[123teenagerfood]

My BILs wife left him a few years ago for another man and is now remarried. His family all pretend it was an amicable split. He has since blown all his divorce money (house sale approx 100k) rents and is barely getting by. He is a big drinker 3 bottles of red is normal. Other BIL and him drank 9 bottles of red between them on Christmas day both still standing. Turns out BIL has a coke addiction. His family have their heads in the sand. BIL is a mess, lost weight, is not eating, i've raised issue with MIL, she thinks he had an overactive thyroid. What can i do to get through to them and him. BIL and I are not close.

There’s nothing you can do. Get yourselves along to SMART Recovery family and friends for support. Plenty of online meetings. It will help you recognise what you cannot change.

You read them as harsh, but they are right. They were not saying mind your own business, he's only having a few drinkies. Or mind your own business - we don't care if he dies and nor should you. They were saying "you cannot do anything". Which is true. Dramatic interventions and tough love can end up causing more harm than good, so it is a good thing people were not telling you to do that.

Speak to a rl addiction counsellor like someone at an Al-anon or the one mentioned by a pp. You don't have to take MN's word for it

I hope I wasn't too harsh on you, OP. I know how incredibly hard it is to be powerless.

Unfortunately there’s pretty much nothing you can do for an extended family alcoholic - aside from of course calling the police if they’re intending to drink drive which you should always do.

Unless they’re immediate family that you live with there’s nothing you can do aside from talking to them, and from experience they’ll either learn to hide it from you better or lie and say they’re cutting down and have it under control.

The only thing I can think of is that your DH invites in to the gym or takes him out for something like a hike or fishing to chat whilst doing something physical to encourage him to start taking care of himself. It sounds like part of it is that he's completely given up looking after himself which has totally spiralled into addiction and self hate especially if he is going home to an empty house with nothing to do.