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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New year, same disappointment

96 replies

Beebot123 · 31/12/2025 23:59

Happy new year everyone! I'm currently lying in my bed feeling the same disappointment I have done every year for about 5 years now. Every year we do absolutely nothing. NOTHING for new years. I have expressed many many times that I would like to do something. It doesn't need to be that we go to a pub, it could be we go to the beach to watch the fireworks. Drive somewhere else and watch fireworks. Just something. Anything.
I'm 36 and I have NEVER gone out for New Year's Eve. We've never done anything as a family. My partner wants to sit in the house and do nothing.
I had my first child at 20. Prior to that my partner didn't want to go out either - we went to his parents a couple of times and that was it. Since having my first child I've stayed in. My partner also was a taxi driver for 5 years too so we couldn't do anything then either. It's so so so frustrating. I've asked to do something and this year he agreed but he came in from work and said "I've spoke to someone and they said not to do that" I then said let's just go down the beach then and he said "why?" So now I'm in bed, disappointed and upset that another year is starting disappointingly.
AIBU?

OP posts:
HomeTheatreSystem · 01/01/2026 05:06

Well you know after all your time together that he doesn't want to go out NYE so you now have 364 days left to plan the next one. There will be lots of people who would rather not go out "partying" so your idea of heading off to the beach or similar to watch fireworks would have wide appeal. Get something organised with friends and do it. At least you know you won't need to find a babysitter :)

FieryA · 01/01/2026 05:58

When you know your husband is not interested in doing anything, then why are you relying on him? What has stopped you from making your own plans? You can inform him and if he wants to join, he will. Not sure why you are not having fun, just because he doesn't want to. And if this is a recurring pattern throughout the year, then it might be time to have a honest conversation about how you both want to spend time together and come up with a few ideas or plans.

mamajong · 01/01/2026 07:47

Just do it! Why does he get to decide for you? If he lets you down every year why are you still expecting different from.him? Go on yoyr own or with your kids or friends!

piscofrisco · 01/01/2026 08:06

If you wanted to go to the beach, then why didn’t you just… go to the beach?

MySweetGeorgina · 01/01/2026 08:15

Plan something with friends next year where you do not rely on your husband

eg go to the pub or the beach with a group of friends

i’vd had to do this kind of thing many times as my husband likes being at home a drink beer alone and do nothing else

in my 30s I had an entire friendship group from a hobby who did nothing else meet my husband for years, they called him my mythical husband and nobody was sure he even existed

ultimately he started to join sometimes, but mostly not.

20 years on, I still have a large friendship group and go on holiday once a year without DH (and the rest with him)

I never made excuses for him either, just told my friends he is an antisocial bugger

it is important that you do nothing else meet give up who you are and what you like for your husband. There is no rule that says you have to plan and be together for every event

Do More things independently and have fun without him.

marriage should not make your life a bit sadder and worse, you are still allowed to be you. You cannot change your husband, so stop wishing for that to happen and just make things happen without him. It’s fun

Moonnstarz · 01/01/2026 08:18

Do you have friends you could do something with? You know your husband is going to say no, so I would give him the chance to do this by asking in advance about doing whatever on NYE and then saying you will invite a friend instead when he says no. If he then backtracks I would still say invite the friend and just say more the merrier as else there is the risk he will cancel last minute.

smilingeleanor · 01/01/2026 08:21

Plan without him then as he clearly don't wanna go out on NYE!

BCBird · 01/01/2026 08:22

I would make arrangements next year independent of your husband. For whatever reason it is not his thing but it is something that is important to you. The compromise is you both do your own thing.

Lolabear38 · 01/01/2026 08:27

Similar vein to what other posters have said - do you actually suggest specific places to go to? Or just say you’d be happy to ‘go anywhere’? Suggest a particular beach where you know there’ll be fireworks or just say ‘
i wanr to watch fireworks on a beach’? If my partner suggested a specific event or place or time I would be there, if they just announced ‘I’ll go anywhere’ and then left it to me to organise that would be harder.

JMSA · 01/01/2026 08:28

Sorry, but this is madness. If you know the same thing is going to happen year after year, then you need to take control yourself.
Be proactive, not a martyr!

WoahThreeAces · 01/01/2026 08:34

I understand OP. I always want to do something for NYE and my husband doesn't. I don't get invited to any parties, and my friends all spend it with their families, or at the parties I'm not invited to!
To plan something myself would mean going out alone which I think is even more depressing than being indoors doing nothing. I tried speaking to a friend about it this year and he wasn't interested either.
I find NYE a really sad time every year. Like you OP I try and organise something but it falls flat cos no one else gives a shit!

Minjou · 01/01/2026 08:40

Everyone is focusing on new year's Eve, but do you ever go out, OP?

Applecup · 01/01/2026 08:40

What is your life like the rest of the year with him? If this is just about NYE and the rest of the time you do good stuff then it’s just one night. But if the rest of your life with him is crap I would be reevaluating things.

Patchouli17 · 01/01/2026 08:51

OP you know he's going back out, it isn't really a surprise is it? He doesn't want to go out on NYE, accept it. Plan something yourself next year, something which does not rely on him. Then you won't be disappointed. Or maybe you will, because the beach/fireworks or whatever you do will not be what you expect and it'll be raining/freezing/cost a fortune - but at least you will have done something.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 01/01/2026 08:52

@Beebot123 It is a nee year now. Make plans to change your life. It is so short.

Velvian · 01/01/2026 09:16

@Beebot123 if you're going out for NYE, i would say you need to plan something that starts 7-8pm.

Make plans for next year. What did your DC do? We were at home, but had family over, a special meal, played games, did some impromptu karaoke on YouTube. In the past we have invited friends over for the same.

You sound quite passive and like you need to take a bit more control of your life.

Mermaidsarereal · 01/01/2026 10:52

Beebot123 · 01/01/2026 00:36

It's so easy for everyone to type "go out without him" or "plan the night yourself".

I tried to plan tonight. He was fine until about 10pm when I said c'mon are we doing this or not. And he said not. I can't exactly go and find a pal at this point.

I've tried to plan other new years eve's. He ends up saying no either before or closer to the time.

for everyone saying they wouldn't go out on New Year's Eve because it's this and that... I would assume you've been out before on New Year's Eve to come to that conclusion.

if you had planned something and then your partner had let you down... would you not be sad?

Next year don't even ask him if he wants to do something just plan whatever you want to do and on new years eve casually slip into conversation "oh by the way, I'm going to so and so tonight, so I'll probably see you tomorrow." If he moans about it, just tell him you didn't think he'd mind as he never usually wants to go out to celebrate new year.

Going to a pub is rubbish, people do hype it up because they feel like they have to go out but it is crap lol. Your idea of going to a beach to watch fireworks sounds lovely though.

Miranda65 · 01/01/2026 10:56

So make a plan with your friends a few days or weeks in advance! It obviously won't work if you leave it until 10pm on the night.
Or make yourself a flask of coffee and drive to a beach to watch some fireworks. Whatever......
This is your life, OP, and you have agency.... why are you wasting it?

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 01/01/2026 11:42

@EatShitDel @BauhausOfEliott

Nothing happens in a bubble. Advance search.

Shellewriter · 01/01/2026 11:46

Beebot123 · 01/01/2026 00:36

It's so easy for everyone to type "go out without him" or "plan the night yourself".

I tried to plan tonight. He was fine until about 10pm when I said c'mon are we doing this or not. And he said not. I can't exactly go and find a pal at this point.

I've tried to plan other new years eve's. He ends up saying no either before or closer to the time.

for everyone saying they wouldn't go out on New Year's Eve because it's this and that... I would assume you've been out before on New Year's Eve to come to that conclusion.

if you had planned something and then your partner had let you down... would you not be sad?

He didnt let you down, he's said clearly and consistently for years on end that he does not ever want to celebrate new year's.

SeeingNYEinwithstyle · 01/01/2026 12:02

Beebot123 · 01/01/2026 00:36

It's so easy for everyone to type "go out without him" or "plan the night yourself".

I tried to plan tonight. He was fine until about 10pm when I said c'mon are we doing this or not. And he said not. I can't exactly go and find a pal at this point.

I've tried to plan other new years eve's. He ends up saying no either before or closer to the time.

for everyone saying they wouldn't go out on New Year's Eve because it's this and that... I would assume you've been out before on New Year's Eve to come to that conclusion.

if you had planned something and then your partner had let you down... would you not be sad?

Yes! I would be sad. I’d feel like my wants do not matter.

But, move past this and take ‘the bull by the horns’ for NYE 2026.

Your DH may be more of a day person - I know I am - for the last 8 years I booked a musical in London on NYE for the 4 of all. It’s now how we celebrate NYE as a family. We eat in town too and head back for a games night and junk food, watch the neighbourhood fireworks from home. In bed by 12.30.

Except for last night. We changed is up! We watched fireworks from a snowy slope in Norway - as we were there for a skiing trip.

Book something for you all to enjoy during the day / evening and go from there.

NYE is what you make it and as the mum / wife unfortunately it’s up to you to sort it. Otherwise you’ll be in forever more.

SeaviewCafe · 01/01/2026 12:46

Some venues need a pre paid & booked ticket to attend on NYEve

Find out where your local fireworks displays are

Or

book something like go to Edinburgh with hotel & celebrations

A year to sort something out !

333FionaG · 01/01/2026 12:52

I went to the beach to watch the fireworks, DH was watching a film and didn't want to come. There were lots of people there, I got given a plastic beaker of fizz and it was lovely.

Stompythedinosaur · 01/01/2026 13:08

I'd be sad if what I wanted didn't matter to my partner.

But it's also madness to expect a different outcome when you keep doing the same thing. You know he doesn't want to go. You know he won't prioritise your wishes. So, if you don't do something different, you'll never go out!

whatsit84 · 01/01/2026 13:13

NYE out is shit. Invite some friends around next year?

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