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Original poster

To leave husband with a cocaine addiction

61 replies

user1471267414 · 31/12/2025 21:37

Background. I have been living with this for three years. Husband has always liked a “good time” but I could overlook the odd night out/bender. Sadly when covid hit he developed a like for taking coke in the house (found a bag one evening outside daughters bedroom). Since this time he has lost his mum (reacted badly to this, mainly due to guilt because he was shit and provided no help) and also set up/closed a business. A lot of pressure but let’s face it, life can be shit. For about 18 months I suspected he was using in the house and 18 months ago confronted with evidence. Since this time he has continually lied to me about his use of the drug. I don’t think he’s ever stopped. For the last year he’s worked in a self employed role and not given me a penny towards the bills and any spare money gone on cocaine. I paid for all of Christmas and even had to “lend” him the money for my Christmas present. For me things have come to ahead with his Christmas. He’s done nothing with us at all (we have a 9 year old) and he has taken coke basically ruined Christmas and I feel like I hate him. He makes me feel sick. Her also a slob who makes no effort with himself and does next to nothing around the house despite me working full time and doing lionshare with our child. He has the opportunity to start a new career in 2026 and it’s the only thing making me hang on in case this is what he needs to finally sort himself out. I am so unhappy I have suicidal thoughts and wonder how I’ll get him to leave. His dad won’t have him (owes him 15k and once “borrowed” hid bank card and spent 700 on it) I am lucky I have a good job so can afford to live on my own. I borrowed money off my dad to pay debts he wracked up. More wracked up since. Can someone please either give me some advice or what they have done in any sort of situation like this. I feel lonely and trapped. His behaviour over Xmas has opened my eyes and I don’t want another year like this. If I ever confront him about his problem he gets very angry tells me everything is my fault, I am a horrible person, bad parent you name it it’s said to me. I just want to be free of him. Am I unsupportive? I’ve offered help a few times but he won’t accept he needs it. It’s affecting our child now as he speaks to me badly in front of her. Haven’t dared to tell ny parents this is my second marriage and feel I’ve let them down. Only thing that keeps me going is my little girl

OP posts:
HappyNewTaxYear · 31/12/2025 21:40

Leave
Leave
Leave

Make January 2026 the start of a new life for you and your daughter.

Good luck

Purplewarrior · 31/12/2025 21:40

Promise yourself you will offload him in the new year. The sooner you file for divorce the better. He could have even more debts you don’t know about. 💐

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 31/12/2025 21:40

Yeah he needs to go. You can’t live likr this and it will only get worse with money and drugs. Please find a way to remove your child from this toxic environment

catgirl1976 · 31/12/2025 21:43

Please leave. I know you might think you can’t and it’s overwhelming but you can. You can leave. And you must. For you and your daughter.

Original poster
user1471267414 · 31/12/2025 21:44

I don’t want to leave and let him stay in the house as I pay all the bills but will be hard to get him to leave. Don’t want him to have unsupervised access to daughter either

OP posts:
PixieDust91 · 31/12/2025 22:02

Can you not report his drug use to the police and have him arrested if he does not go willingly? I would at least threaten to report him if he does not leave? How on earth did you allow a junkie to stay in your house with a child???? What if the child finds his drugs and takes them??????

FeedingPidgeons · 31/12/2025 22:09

Do you rent or own? Who is named on the paperwork?

That is highly relevant.

Original poster
user1471267414 · 31/12/2025 22:10

We own and both on the paperwork. I have legal knowledge so know the position it’s just the thought of getting him out I know he won’t go easily

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471267414 · 31/12/2025 22:11

PixieDust91 · 31/12/2025 22:02

Can you not report his drug use to the police and have him arrested if he does not go willingly? I would at least threaten to report him if he does not leave? How on earth did you allow a junkie to stay in your house with a child???? What if the child finds his drugs and takes them??????

It’s a crime to sell not to take and also the police take two weeks to come when house has been burgled so I doubt this would work. If it would I’d do it in a flash

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 31/12/2025 22:15

I've not been in this situation, but I think leaving is definitely the right thing to do. It's not safe for your child to grow up in a home with drugs. I'm sure your parents would want to support you, if you told them.

SnowDaysAndBadLays · 31/12/2025 22:16

Christ alive, that's awful, leave immediately.

HouseofDreams · 31/12/2025 22:18

He needs to go. This will only get worse, it will be hard but rip that plaster off and get it done.

PixieDust91 · 31/12/2025 22:20

user1471267414 · 31/12/2025 22:11

It’s a crime to sell not to take and also the police take two weeks to come when house has been burgled so I doubt this would work. If it would I’d do it in a flash

Show quote history

Its not a crime to be using cocaine where you live? Where is this that cocaine is legal as drug? Makes no sense that you can get arrested for selling it but not if you use it. I'd have him reported to the police anyways. I can't believe you've let your child live under the same roof with this man. And you're still making excuses as to why you haven't gotten your child to a safe environment.

Muffsies · 31/12/2025 22:22

Report to Child Services and make him take a drug test? Sorry, i have no experience with this but that's my intuative response. I hope someone has a more refined response.

GingerBeverage · 31/12/2025 22:23

Advice? The advice is give yourself a shake and realise no, a new job won’t stop an addict using.

WhatSharonSaidNext · 31/12/2025 22:27

As always ‘Oh yeah just leave because it’s so simple and anyone can just walk out. Mortgage? What mortgage? CCJ? Pah! Just leave because it so easy’. Even being a solicitor isn’t enough for the armchair experts who know better.

Honestly OP all the while you can’t just walk out of a house you’re paying for, I think your easiest solution is to start divorce proceedings and exit the actual relationship itself while you’re still under the same roof so at least you get some emotional distance from the damage he’s causing himself and everyone else around him. He may even leave of his own accord once he realises you’re finished.

You’re going to have to let him fall into the abyss and not bail him out.

AstonUniversityPotholeDepartment · 31/12/2025 22:29

user1471267414 · 31/12/2025 22:11

It’s a crime to sell not to take and also the police take two weeks to come when house has been burgled so I doubt this would work. If it would I’d do it in a flash

Show quote history

I'm not saying the police would be interested, because as you note, they don't come out for a burglary. But you're misinformed to think he's not committing a crime.

He's habitually in possession of class A drugs. Even if they're solely for his own personal use, the maximum potential sentence for that, on paper is up to 7 years in prison or a large fine. In practice, when there is barely space in our prisons for violent offenders, someone like your husband is never going to get such a sentence as a first-time offender. If anyone thought it was in the public interest to prosecute him, it would probably be a fine?

But nevertheless, what he's doing is illegal.

EDIT: maybe you don't live in the UK?

frockandcrocs · 31/12/2025 22:29

Can you not have him removed due to safeguarding concerns? He’s left cocaine lying around the house, it is not safe for your children.

Silverbirchleaf · 31/12/2025 22:30

First post nails it.

Ponderingwindow · 31/12/2025 22:33

Even if he has some custody, you are still helping her by leaving. She will have at least some of her time in a household without addiction. She will have an example of normal. She will get to relax and not be in a constant state of fight or flight, which is what happens when you live with an addict.

There is also a very good chance he won’t exercise his parenting rights because he will choose drugs over his child.

Leave. Just leave. Even if you have to leave the house, just get your child out of that environment as soon as possible.

Thingamebobwotsit · 31/12/2025 22:33

So sorry you are facing this.

You have two options, leave or get him to leave. If his parents are aware, would they support you to get him out of the house? Or ypur parents? You will need back up.

You can also report to social services. My sister in law did this. It didn't resolve the issue of getting her DH out of the hpuse immediately, but it lifted the lid on a previously hidden addiction and eventually DH left.

In all honesty, if he is using that reguarly no job/promotion etc is going to change him.

Theslummymummy · 31/12/2025 22:33

This new job will not sort this problem. He's an addict and doesn't care how it affects his family. Leave.

BookArt55 · 31/12/2025 22:35

You need evidence of the drug use. Photos, texts, get as much as possible to aupport the child arrangement. Get copies of all paperwork, passports, special memory objects and stash them at a friend or family members, with Ann overnight bag. Start stashing money away, make a plan to move out and then on moving day take everything you want and get out. If his name is on the house for rent or mortgage, and you're married, then it is extremely long and hard to get him out. Go and speak to a solicitor secretly to have the necessary knowledge you need for you individual situation.
Get out. Get your dusghter and yourself into therapy. Wishing you well.

Eyeshadow · 31/12/2025 22:43

I would definitely end things as he’ll never get better if you continue to be with him as you’re indirectly supporting his habit.

He needs to want something more than his coke.

But you also cannot kick him out of his home.
As you’re married, it will likely be that you have to divorce and sell up if he refuses to leave.

Could you try and persuade him to move out for some ‘space’?

Eyeshadow · 31/12/2025 22:45

Ponderingwindow · 31/12/2025 22:33

Even if he has some custody, you are still helping her by leaving. She will have at least some of her time in a household without addiction. She will have an example of normal. She will get to relax and not be in a constant state of fight or flight, which is what happens when you live with an addict.

There is also a very good chance he won’t exercise his parenting rights because he will choose drugs over his child.

Leave. Just leave. Even if you have to leave the house, just get your child out of that environment as soon as possible.

And yes this!

It will be way better hit your child to not be around this every day and act like it’s ok and normal.

If he does get access, then you can request it’s in a contact centre but it will still be way better than how she’s living now.