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Original poster

Friend's Joke to Her Son

119 replies

Zozo1990 · 31/12/2025 20:49

I want to know if this is appropriate because I was deeply uncomfortable but then again I'm not sure if it's my own prejudices and my job that makes me feel this is wrong...

My friend, who I've known for a while told me that she and her husband sat down her seven-year-old son and told him they had something very important to tell him. His older sister and younger brother were present, too. They said to him that he was left as a baby on their doorstep and they had to take him in. They don't know who his real parents are. He was crying his eyes out she said and she was laughing as she's telling me this like it's funny. My heart broke for that little boy. I can't beleive she thought that was funny. I assume she told him this is a joke, she didn't say anything else.

She's also told me in the past she wanted to slap him because he was crying in school and wanted his mum and she found it embarrassing. I found her language quite surprising, but I assumed she was obviously a bit stressed and didn't mean she literally wanted to slap him. Because she normally comes across as very calm, but she has a highly controlling personality.

OP posts:
Jinglejells · 31/12/2025 22:02

Talltreesbythelake · 31/12/2025 20:55

If you know what school he attends, give the safeguarding lead a phonecall next week. She is abusive.

Edited

Do this. This is abuse in plain sight. Women can be evil too. She has actually told you she wanted to be violent with her child. Disgusting woman.

Charlenedickens · 31/12/2025 22:03

I'd report that and say the kids are being emotionally abused. If not even hesitate

Jinglejells · 31/12/2025 22:03

A well dressed and fed child can still be abused op.

PixieDust91 · 31/12/2025 22:04

That's not anyone I would want in my life. And I would have told her that I find nothing about her "joke" funny, at all. Put an end to her stupid laughter at the expense of her baby.

Notgonnalieaboutthis · 31/12/2025 22:05

Zozo1990 · 31/12/2025 21:00

I found her odd over the years like she blows hot and cold. Push and pull kind of dynamic with her. She had cut her entire family off for three years, which included missing her brothers wedding and having a baby duaghter and no one visited her. I felt sorry for her then and helped her a lot. But after this incident with her child, it's made me pull back and "analyse" all this as part of a bigger picture. I haven't met up with her for a month and this has been really playing on my mind. She said she called her youngest (six-year-old) a dog and he got so upset "he cried like he'd been hit" so she said I apologised so he would be quiet. But generally, she is very calm and controlled. She has no emotional depth though so it must be that she is low in empathy (obviously). Urghhh.

Funnily enough, she's always criticising other people's kids and other people's parenting.

Edited

She’s a cold blooded sociopath. Her poor children will wind up very damaged. Please do something to help them.

Howwilliknow122 · 31/12/2025 22:06

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 31/12/2025 21:01

Well I daresay I'll get flamed but when my 5th child was little (about 5 or 6) her siblings told her she was found in a cabbage field which she got upset about. Obviously I did set her right.

Over the years as she's got older and was having stroppy/naughty moments I've often told her to pack it or I'll send her back to the cabbage field. This is usually met with an eye roll and a "funnnnnny".

Edited

I might be wrong but I feel like what you said to your daughter is you as parent being sarcastic when a stroppy moment has come up, what op is explaining sounds nasty , they sat the child down with a view to winding the child up.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 31/12/2025 22:08

If you can contact this child’s school then do so. The information will be filed and help build a picture of this child’s home life from a safeguarding perspective.

There may be issues at school you (and even parents) are unaware of but this information could be a useful part of a bigger picture.

This woman is an abuser.

godmum56 · 31/12/2025 22:08

Zozo1990 · 31/12/2025 21:28

I can't report her as child protection systems do not operate on patterns, vibes, or long-term emotional climate alone especially when:

The children are fed, housed, educated

They attend school and function academically

There is no disclosure from the children

There is no evidence of physical harm, sexual harm, or severe neglect

Edited

Have you tried?

Notgonnalieaboutthis · 31/12/2025 22:09

Naws · 31/12/2025 21:40

I want to know if this is appropriate because I was deeply uncomfortable but then again I'm not sure if it's my own prejudices and my job that makes me feel this is wrong

What job could you possibly do that makes you worry this is your own prejudices and her behaviour towards her kids might NOT be wrong???

Whatever it is, it's very worrying that you need to ask Mumsnet if it's appropriate or not.

This is second post today about a neglected or emotionally abused child where the OP questions if it’s her own “prejudices “ that mean she sees this behaviour as wrong.

Stop pussy footing about OP. You know it’s wrong so do something to help these poor vulnerable children.

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 31/12/2025 22:11

Zozo1990 · 31/12/2025 21:28

I can't report her as child protection systems do not operate on patterns, vibes, or long-term emotional climate alone especially when:

The children are fed, housed, educated

They attend school and function academically

There is no disclosure from the children

There is no evidence of physical harm, sexual harm, or severe neglect

Edited

You absolutely can report this and should, to the school safeguarding lead. They can then make a decision whether to call social care, you may be right and it may not come to anything, but it’s there, on record, and will add weight to anything the children may disclose.

Happyjoe · 31/12/2025 22:13

Jesus, this is awful. OMG, that child is going to need a ton of therapy when older. I hope he walks away from his 'parents' as soon as he is able.

Naws · 31/12/2025 22:16

Notgonnalieaboutthis · 31/12/2025 22:09

This is second post today about a neglected or emotionally abused child where the OP questions if it’s her own “prejudices “ that mean she sees this behaviour as wrong.

Stop pussy footing about OP. You know it’s wrong so do something to help these poor vulnerable children.

Show quote history

It's very worrying, especially when it's blatantly obvious.

Pearlstillsinging · 31/12/2025 22:19

Talltreesbythelake · 31/12/2025 20:55

If you know what school he attends, give the safeguarding lead a phonecall next week. She is abusive.

Edited

This. I am sure several lightbulbs will ping in the school. They will have been wondering what is the matter with this child.

Pricelessadvice · 31/12/2025 22:21

Sadistic, evil woman.
Why do people have children if they are going to do this type of thing to them??

Awful.

Pearlstillsinging · 31/12/2025 22:27

Zozo1990 · 31/12/2025 21:28

I can't report her as child protection systems do not operate on patterns, vibes, or long-term emotional climate alone especially when:

The children are fed, housed, educated

They attend school and function academically

There is no disclosure from the children

There is no evidence of physical harm, sexual harm, or severe neglect

Edited

Yes you can.
Emotional abuse is recognised as abuse by all Safeguarding agencies. The child doesn't need to make a disclosure, you are a witness to the mothers account of what happened

DrBlackbird · 31/12/2025 22:31

Zucker · 31/12/2025 20:51

Yeah, she's a bitch.

first post nails it

for the life of me I don’t understand parents who think this sort of shit ‘funny’

Dollybantree · 31/12/2025 22:40

Tell her you think she’s a nasty cow who’s children are highly likely to have issues when they get older - and then don’t have anything to do with her.

Sounds like her family have done the same.

I’d be telling any of my friends exactly how I felt if they treated their children this way - it gives a real insight into what kind of person they are - a nasty one. Makes you wonder what she doesn’t tell you.

OneFineDay22 · 31/12/2025 22:44

I agree this is abusive. Not sure what you can do about it though!

PositiveCat · 31/12/2025 22:46

Zozo1990 · 31/12/2025 21:28

I can't report her as child protection systems do not operate on patterns, vibes, or long-term emotional climate alone especially when:

The children are fed, housed, educated

They attend school and function academically

There is no disclosure from the children

There is no evidence of physical harm, sexual harm, or severe neglect

Edited

You can report it. It’s bullying and it’ll absolutely be recognised as emotional abuse by the school.

Furthermore, schools may often have partial pictures of family life, and you might be adding informative details to an emerging image. Safeguarding does very much operate on patterns, vibes, and long-term emotional climate even when:
The children are fed, housed, educated
They attend school and function academically
There is no disclosure from the children- how do you know this? You can’t assume.
There is no evidence of physical harm, sexual harm, or severe neglect- this is where you help to build up a picture.

Blueyrocks · 31/12/2025 22:49

RedFrogs · 31/12/2025 21:41

Very concerning behaviour. If that’s the type of thing she’s willing to openly talk about then I’d be wondering what else goes on in her house.

I agree. And I think it's worth asking yourself why she told you. Asking for your tacit consent or complicity or something

Smilesinthesunshine · 31/12/2025 22:50

Why would you be friends with someone that is so despicable?

Howwilliknow122 · 31/12/2025 22:51

Notgonnalieaboutthis · 31/12/2025 22:09

This is second post today about a neglected or emotionally abused child where the OP questions if it’s her own “prejudices “ that mean she sees this behaviour as wrong.

Stop pussy footing about OP. You know it’s wrong so do something to help these poor vulnerable children.

Show quote history

Yes very odd they are similar in style as well, the other poster lists all these random things, like no furniture, doesn't feed the kids, doesn't change a nappy and then says is this normal? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Soashamed60 · 31/12/2025 22:55

This has made me cry. My adult ds is 8000 miles away from us all this Xmas & I really want to give him a hug right now. That poor child 🤣🤣🤣

TheHillIsMine · 31/12/2025 23:04

Ouch. When I was six I was visiting my mum for a few hours. She slapped me because I was crying. I never cry now apart from about one thing. Things like this leave a mark that is life long.

She would be an ex friend. I'd just ghost her tbh. Actually, no I wouldn't. I'd tell her I don't want to be friends anymore and why if I thought it might actually hit home.

Namechangefor2026 · 31/12/2025 23:05

If it is true. You need to report her.