Friend's Joke to Her Son

[Zozo1990]

I want to know if this is appropriate because I was deeply uncomfortable but then again I'm not sure if it's my own prejudices and my job that makes me feel this is wrong...

My friend, who I've known for a while told me that she and her husband sat down her seven-year-old son and told him they had something very important to tell him. His older sister and younger brother were present, too. They said to him that he was left as a baby on their doorstep and they had to take him in. They don't know who his real parents are. He was crying his eyes out she said and she was laughing as she's telling me this like it's funny. My heart broke for that little boy. I can't beleive she thought that was funny. I assume she told him this is a joke, she didn't say anything else.

She's also told me in the past she wanted to slap him because he was crying in school and wanted his mum and she found it embarrassing. I found her language quite surprising, but I assumed she was obviously a bit stressed and didn't mean she literally wanted to slap him. Because she normally comes across as very calm, but she has a highly controlling personality.

If this is true your friend is a psycho.

So unbelievably emotionally abusive.
I would 100% call the school and spell out your examples.
She is a complete witch.
Funnily enough my father said the same thing to me more than 50 years ago.
It is a really early traumatic memory.
My mother wasn't party to it and was very annoyed with him.
He kept saying it was just a joke.
But it was a perfect example of a bullying arsehole.
When I went NC with him aged 30 and never had anything further to do with him, he was devastated until his death.🤣

I couldn't be friends with a cunt like this

Can you tell her she's harming them emotionally @Zozo1990 ? I would frankly not care to save a friendship with such a cruel person.

It’s not just her is it, you say that her and her husband sat the child down and told him he was left in the doorstep as an infant and he cried in distress.

This sounds like a deadly combination of the pair of them finding it amusing to taunt their children and get pleasure when they cry and are distressed.

I would have told her at the time that what she and her husband have done is downright cruel.

I would never talk to her again and I would phone the safeguarding team at the school and just ask them to keep an eye on the children, then you have to walk away from the family and not be drawn into a toxic environment.

Of course you can, and should, inform the school. It might help them to piece together a pattern of behaviour, and as a minimum it gives them a heads up to look out for him.

My dad always told me gypsies left me in a basket at the door. Even as a young child I knew he was joking and that I was loved beyond measure.

Sounds like the way she did it was not nice.

Unfortunately both your suggestions leave children in an abusive situation the only way to deal with this is to report it.

I want to know if this is appropriate because I was deeply uncomfortable but then again I'm not sure if it's my own prejudices and my job that makes me feel this is wrong

What job could you possibly do that makes you worry this is your own prejudices and her behaviour towards her kids might NOT be wrong???

Whatever it is, it's very worrying that you need to ask Mumsnet if it's appropriate or not.

If they live in the UK you can report to your local Safeguarding team at your local council. Belittling or humiliating a child is abuse.

Very concerning behaviour. If that’s the type of thing she’s willing to openly talk about then I’d be wondering what else goes on in her house.

You write down all details and ring social services just like for other abuse others including her family may already have raised concerns your report adds to the picture. If she does more you report it again. You do not know what the school etc have recorded already.

There is clear evidence of emotional harm, your report will allow safeguarding leads to monitor more closely
I couldn't be quiet about what you shared and have a clear conscience
Look up what is abuse

I feel like parents who talk like that are probably worse at home and kind of testing the waters and unconsciously expressing their disdain for their children or child. This heart breaking, children are so innocent and have to rely on their parents.

Your friend sounds like a psychopath. Who says such a thing to a child? Poor little boy, what a crap set of parents he has.

This is abuse. I’d report it to the school’s safeguarding lead.

This is vile. No way should anyone joke with a 7 year old about things like this.

I wish I hadn’t opened this thread.

The coldness that it would take to gather everyone at the table, pick on one particular child and tell them a lie that was so upsetting, it would make them cry, and then to continue with it, is frightening. If you don’t make a report to someone, be it his school, or whomever else people are suggesting, then you are doing that child a disservice.

I’d also tell her that I’d reported her, that I think it’s sociopathic behaviour and that the pair of them need testing for personality disorders as normal people can tell the difference between a prank designed to make a child laugh and cruelty designed to cause pain and fear. I certainly wouldn’t want to be anywhere near her again. And I don’t think I’d be quiet about it either. Would you want your child having an afternoon in her company?

Awful this is the sort of thing siblings say not parents

Yes, it was both the mum and dad. The dad is quite obnoxious. He mocked me once at his kids' birthday party where I was helping them clean up. He said he didn't udnerstand my accent and what I say and added I sound Irish and walked out laughing and she laughed, too. The irony of ironies, my accent is authentic English and his is a very heavily accented, foreign accent with limited English vocabulary. I guess what I'm highlighting is that they both seem to have low emapthy and cross boundaries inappropriately.

I will think about the reporting. The kids are well-fed and dressed and otherwise looked after. The 14-year-old does have flat affect and very monotone, shows no emorional spontaneity but it could jsut be teenage stuff. I don't know. I've jsut felt uneasy for a month and can't stop thinking about it.

There is a big difference between a jokey comment and sitting your child down for a serious conversation to say it

My older sister would tell me I was adopted, my parents found me in a bin etc. 😂 Saying something like that is definitely more sibling humour not parent humour.

She is abusive. That poor little boy. What a bitch.