Husband has secret account on Reddit.

[Ilovepasta23]

Married to DH for 12 years, 2 children 16 &10. Very happy marriage, or so I thought until this morning. Randomly came across his Reddit account that he has had for 4 years and read lots of comments he has made on other peoples naked posts. A few 'dm me' posts also. He has admitted it all now its been deleted and is currently staying over at a friend's house. Oh, also sent a few dick pics. Is this enough to leave him? Or should I fight to save my marriage?

I think this type of behaviour will repeat itself to be honest, sending the photos is extremely disrespectful as a married man who has a family.
I also agree he’s waiting for you to tell him what to do to repair what he broke. Couples therapy should help you decide what you want to do with your marriage. Dose he actually want to be married still?
I would try and find a therapist first.
A few days at a mates isn’t enough let him stay away for longer and deal with the issue properly before making any decisions. I’m sorry this happened to you it’s really horrible.

Thank you everyone for your messages. I am heartbroken but have a lot of support around me. I'm just taking one day at a time to think it through. I'm not rushing to make any decisions. Thanks again. Much appreciated.

Liking naked posts I could possibly get pasted depending on the nature of the pictures and how many/how long/how frequently he was liking them.

The chats and dick pics I wouldn’t be able to get over. That is substantive engagement with another person.

However what really strikes me as being the thing which would make. me end things is that he isn’t taking accountability or responsibility.

He’a saying he’ll do whatever you want, rather than being substantively engaged or taking ownership of the responsibility to come up with how to make it right and put it into action, even if that takes work, being open to failure, persistence etc.

In short he’s putting the emotional labour of fixing this on you.

He fucked yo badly and now’s he expecting you to tell him how to fix it rather than put the effort of working that out himself.

That doesn’t show the emotional maturity and commitment necessary to fix it. Or the emotional maturity and commitment necessary not to fuck it up again in a similar way.

And to top it off he’s scarpered to a safe distance.

I’d say clean break now or you’ll keep going round in this loop perpetually.

My first husband (didn't leave him - he died youngish) had a porn habit which surfaced occasionally. It was more noticeable after the internet arrived but he died before social media got going. He knew I hated it. However, it was essentially a masturbatory thing of his, often at times when we had less of a sex life than we had had before, especially when our children were young and I was more tired and less interested (not suggesting this is you but it was us, and his drive was always stronger than mine). For me, it wasn't interfering in our personal relationship and not worth blowing up an otherwise very happy marriage for. We were together for 36 years before he died and I'm glad I didn't walk away. I guess what you do depends how much you feel it's changed your view of your relationship with him, and how you feel your children will react.

I’m on Reddit. Never came across naked posts. Don’t think my DH knows I’m in it as it hasn’t came up. It’s harmless

I left for similar reasons as I consider it cheating but there were a whole host of issues previously with abusive behaviour so this was the straw that broke the camels back.

I knew I couldn't trust him again even though I loved him deeply.

If you were genuinely happy before then I wouldn’t rush to end the marriage. But he does need to work hard to ensure you can trust him again. I’d want him to be completely honest and ask him if any cheating etc as I’d be making it clear there was no other chances.

He is disgusting, duplicitous creep, why would you even think of staying married to him

Reddit is very big and diverse. Personally, I use it for technical discussions, and occasionally politics or hobbies but it has less savoury parts.

Google what is reddit

When you use the phrase ‘fight to save your marriage’. What or who are you fighting?

You've invested a lot of time in this marriage but the person you thought you had married has turned into somebody else whose actions are despicable. There is nothing he could do to make up for this. Neither of you could ever forget it happened. Social media has caused more than it's share of divorce.

Leave.

None of that is mindless. He's made a conscious choice and he's been caught. As for the addiction stuff, has he really got no imagination at all? How pathetic, unpredictable and total nonsense.

In reality he's not been straight with you since the first incident long ago. Are you going to wait another long time to catch him out again?

Also ur taking and sending dodgy pictures and communication with other women constitutes mindless Scrolling, I'd hate to see what he got up to when he's not mindless scrolling. He's brainless and callous but not mindless AND he's run away to his friends place so he doesn't have to face you or what he's done. He's not a good person.

Eugh so many thirst traps and so many men on Reddit liking and commenting on them. Harder to find in a way now since you can hide your comment history.

But yes a lot of people on Reddit are viewing porn as well as the aita and such.

The crossed line is messaging the women and actively liking the posts. Rather than just looking.

There is more ... it will come out in trickles, thats the worst bit! Expect more ...

I whole heartily agree with this…

IF there is any chance for it to be saved is on your partner. You can’t recreate what he broke. He would have to be ok with being on the mend for any foreseeable future and work hard to gain your trust again let alone spark real feelings…

I'm sorry op but actually you just thought you were happy. This isn't a happy marriage. He has acted like a creep.

I wish you strength for the short term and happy times ahead.

This would 100% be enough for me to leave

So this isn't a one off. This is the third in a series of events that have involved a level of infidelity and lying to you. I assume that each time he has told you he's sorry, he loves you, it's a big mistake and it will never happen again? But it has happened again each time.

I also assume that each time ge has told you that the incident(s) you have found out about are the only ones and there are no others? Given that this has now happened three times, I call bullshit and I suspect that there are lots more incidents that you are unaware of and that he believes you will never find out about.

*He said he will do anything i need him to do *
I bet he said this the last two times as well didn't he? And again its bullshit. The thing you need him to do is treat you with respect, honesty and fidelity but he repeatedly isn't.

In your shoes, OP, I'd leave. The context that this is one in a string of incidents is key. But if you choose to stay, know that he isn't going to change. Your marriage is always going to be filled with his infidelity in one form or another, and him lying to you about it. If you choose to stay at least do so with your eyes open.

If this isn't the marriage you want, your only choice us to leave. He's not going to change - though he will repeatedly tell you that he will.

So, I used to do OF a few years ago to make money for Christmas. I used reddit to promote my OF. Lots of sex workers will use reddit to promote their pages. You deserve better.

Redditt can be very dark in places, my daughters ex was swapping her nudes for others on there which was the straw that broke the camels back in the end. Thankfully no faces visible.

There are some very nasty very explicit subreddits on there and id be asking to look at his account history to see exactly what he has been up to. But bare in mind comments and messages can be deleted.

I go on Reddit too, nothing to do with naked pictures. There are boards(? not sure of terminology) about anything and everything - I first went on because a thread came up when I googled a problem I was having with my phone

He'll do it again

I had a very similar situation a few years ago. Not the d**k pics but following the pages and commenting ‘yes please’ etc. he promised me the earth, free access to his phone etc. I never got past it, even now I can be feeling just fine and it hits me that he was doing that while I was looking after our babies. He did will go on to do something similar again and I wish I had stood firm in splitting. I don’t think I’ll ever not feel sad about it tbh. Some people told me it wouldn’t be a deal breaker for them but I think until you’ve felt that unattractive the used you can’t know. The access to the phone etc also didn’t really last, I wasn’t stopped as such but they get better at hiding it.