Embarrassed to be English

[Traballi]

Got ancestry results back recently and apparently I'm 98% English, tiny bit of Irish but not even Scottish or Welsh. It wasn't a surprise as already looked into family history and been here for centuries.

I'm actually embarrassed of my English lineage to be honest. What's there to be proud of with our appalling history of colonialism and more recent dallyings with the far right and flag shagging?

I see the British flag up where I live and I honestly cringe. I'm also married to someone who is from a country we have a history of conflict with too so that doesnt help although DH doesnt hate us excessively (won't name country in case outing but with our history of wars/ conflict/ invasion, it could be dozens of places lets be frank)

I guess I've had a different perspective on Englishness over many years through the people I know from overseas and I speak other languages too. I also went to a Catholic school (in England) which taught us about slavery and what happened in Northern Ireland. None of which was nice about the English (teacher was Irish). I'm grateful for these perspectives though as I wouldn't want to be brainwashed into being a blind patriot.

I have friends with strong Irish and Welsh roots and they have a real sense of identity to hold onto with it, ancestral languages that they're interested in and a feeling a pride.

If you're English, it's hard to feel like that unless you're in Tommy or Nige's crew, which makes me even less inclined towards patriotism tbh.

Does anyone else feel like this? It's a bit sad really. I'd love to at least be half something else to cling to that identity instead and ignore the English but.

Luckily my DC is only half English and has two other nationalities through DH, and is being brought up in Wales so will probably feel more Welsh. I'm also obtaining a passport from another country through DH soon and I'll be using that for all overseas travel as soon as I can so I can appear to be from there instead.

AiBU or do others feel like this? Being English just isn't cool.

Eh ?

Northern Ireland is currently part of your country!

It's not another country

I think that what is revealing is that for some, Englishness is apparently intimately connected with Ireland. This is pretty one way as it seems most English posters don’t entertain strong feelings about Ireland. It’s the other way around, and that’s nothing an individual person can do much about.

OK.

But why should others? Do you care and think about what happens in Trinidad and Tobego? If it why not? Because otherwise it’s nasty

'Im so happy that people from England - raped, killed, invaded and colonised many others in the past!"

^^Thats what you wrote re people who are proud to be English.

Just own it. It was a disgusting thing to write.

I would care if the government weren’t governing NI well, in the same way I care when they neglect, say, the NHS, SEND provision , or other areas of the UK. But it’s their responsibility and I don’t have control over that. Me hand-wringing and emoting my heart out in my bedroom isn’t going to help anything.

You cut off the first part of my quote.

That is an incorrect edit.

People can scroll back and read what I actually wrote.

What I did write.
Someone wrote "its weird to feel ashamed of what your ancestors did

I wrote
"It is not weird. I think it is a more natural feeling to be ashamed of my ancestors raping and killing people, than to feel happy that my ancestors raped and killed people.

I did not write that "to be proud to be english - means that we are happy that our ancestors raped and killed" as this poster keeps writing

I married a half Irish man, who doesn’t give a shit about NI or what happens over there. He’s also Ukrainian Jewish on his dad’s side, and is very much a proud Englishman.

That’s a little brain twister for the butthurt of MN. However will the OP and her ilk cope with that!

Some of those inferences are no less transient than the notion of statehood, and in any event, even if they are transient it doesn't mean they're not powerful symbols which affect people's feelings and behaviour now. If anything a symbol might be even more potent for being connected to a specific moment in time or ideological movement.

In terms of the potential for the Scottish flag to become a racist symbol, in some ways it's happening already. If you aren't in Scotland you won't know but lots of people are already becoming uncomfortable waving the saltire because it is increasingly being strung up by racists who are using it in the same way some people in England have been using the St George's flag to signal their racist views.

I'm proudly Scottish and have waved a saltire many a time at rugby matches and concerts etc., but recently about fifty of them were strung up along a main thoroughfare in Edinburgh for the express purpose of being anti-immigration and now when I see the flag my first thought is a kind of heart-sinking anxiety about what the purpose is.

Your comments about Celts I don't understand. Not all Scots are Celts, very few hate the English, and you seem to be denying that some people in England are using the St George's flag (which, again is NOT the union flag, they are not the same thing) for racist reasons, which is in fact an objective truth.

I don’t think anyone has said England is the best country in the world with the best quality of life.

I lived in Spain and the quality of life was exceptional! Bu my quality of life back in England is also excellent. I have access to education, rights by law, healthcare and welfare should I lose my job. I feel very lucky, even if an English person did pillage Ireland hundreds of years ago.

Can you point to a country with an impeccably correct history? No colonialism or slavery? I very much doubt it. The UK lead in democracy, women's rights, scientific advances in physics and medicine. It is currently a liberal democracy where people are free to practice their religion and the law applies to everyone. You are ridiculous op.

I voted remain but I don’t care what happens to NI. If they wanna join ROI, great. If not, that’s fine. I stay in my lane.

Centuries old? Do you think that atrocities commited by the UK only happened centuries ago?

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-55247033.amp

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025/may/12/former-uk-special-forces-personnel-accuse-colleagues-of-war-crimes

Not to mention the antics of the British army in NI which are in living memory with victims families still trying to get justice.

As someone from a different country, we’re laughing at what you’ve allowed your country to become.

And I can assure you, it’s nothing to do with the Reform party. Quite the opposite, in fact.

'As for Irish people feeling ashamed - that’s actually relevant. Many turned a blind eye knowing what the nuns and priests were doing, so many Irish people SHOULD feel ashamed. Unlike English people who weren’t around centuries ago who shouldn’t feel ashamed.'

Exactly.

What a load of ignorant, bigoted, unintelligent rubbish.

Once you have your new passport you’ll be able to leave the country you hate so much. I assume you will be doing that?

And perhaps do a bit of travelling to learn what others places are like, and then realise that the UK is the most marvellously non-racist and tolerant country there is.

Do you even realise that Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom?

It is not 'another country"

Actually NI isn’t part of England. It’s part of the UK. And NI not being part of the UK anymore would be no skin off my nose. Same with Scotland and Wales - they can do what they like. But I won’t sit ruminating and worrying about people of whom I have no connection other than a land border

Oh please do tell which country you're laughing at us from.

Hundreds of years ago?

A lot of things happened less than one hundred years ago

Liar.

heres your full post:

Because we don't want to repeat the past.

Saying im ashamed of my ancestors actions, is a more norma feeling than saying
'Im so happy that people from England - raped, killed, invaded and colonised many others in the past!"

I absolutely agree with you. No wonder we are the laughing stock of the world.
Now openly inviting people who wish to kill us in, and giving them a hero's welcome 😡

This is odd. Almost all (if not all) nations and tribes have engaged in colonisation and oppression (or genocide) of neighbouring nations and tribes. I'm sure Mongolians aren't racked with guilt over Genghis Khan's empire, although admittedly England's empire was much more recent.

But after all, England itself was colonised multiple times - by the Romans, the Anglo-Saxons, the Vikings, and the Normans. It appears to be human nature to colonise and spread - England was just very good at it, for a time.

We were talking about NI not Iraq no idea why you've included that link.

People in NI should have been grateful for 'the antics of the Brirish army' trying to get rid of the terrorists and gangs running amok.

I’m completely apathetic as to what happens with NI.

I would prefer Scotland and Wales to stay in the Union, not through some bloodthirsty imperialist mindset which seeks to humiliate and control smaller countries, but simply because breaking up the Union would be Brexit 2.0 but much worse, more expensive and result in very little of benefit bar ‘symbolism of independence’. We share 1 small land mass and it makes sense to be united. Independence has always been more about paranoia about how they are viewed by the English than any tangible benefits to the Scottish or Welsh people.

Ok let’s strip this back - what’s the difference between a country and a kingdom?