Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Keeping confidence or lying by omission

101 replies

GeorgeClarkefan · 30/12/2025 18:09

Where do you draw the line in your marriage between keeping a confidence or lying by omission?

My husband has kept a secret for nearly five months.

To be fair it doesn’t really affect me but I am still upset.

OP posts:

Weallknowhesafloppypurplehairedposeur · 30/12/2025 18:11

Is it a secret that affects you? If not then he's entitled to not share with you.

If, however he's shagging someone & that's the secret, well that DOES affect you... 🤨

Wolfpa · 30/12/2025 18:11

If it doesn’t affect you then why are you upset? People are allowed to keep secrets no matter what their relationship status is.

Arlanymor · 30/12/2025 18:11

Surely it depends on the secret. Is he keeping something from you? If it's what someone has got you for your birthday then clearly no big deal, but if it's something serious pertaining to someone who has broken the law, or done something terrible then that's a different thing. If it doesn't affect you then I don't see what it is an issue - we're not all entitled to know things that are private to others, even if they have been told to our partners. Sometimes we need to mind our own business (not saying you're not doing that, just stating an objective fact).

Foodylicious · 30/12/2025 18:16

I'll honest and say im not in the 'I share everything with my husband/partner' camp.

I just dont think its necessary if it doesn't affect them.

And I've been mighty pissed off when Ive found out something I believed I shared with a sister in confidence, was then discussed (gossiped about) with her husband.

It's just not on.
Unless it either affects them, or is upsetting to you and you need a confidential sounding board about it, its massively betraying the confidence.

BartholemewTheCat · 30/12/2025 18:17

Depends on the secret.

Original poster

GeorgeClarkefan · 30/12/2025 18:19

OK I totally accept that my feelings are invalid.

His sister is nearly six months pregnant.

I think I am part of that family but I am clearly not.

OP posts:

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 30/12/2025 18:20

It's impossible to say without knowing all of the context.

If he's actually "keeping confidence" then that's completely reasonable. All people deserve privacy and trust from their friends and family whether that friend or family member is married or not.

If he's keeping secrets such as where he's been or who he's been with in order to deceive you then that's unreasonable and I would be very hurt.

You've said that this matter doesn't impact you so I can only assume it's the former and you're upset you didn't get good gossip.

Fbfbfvfvv · 30/12/2025 18:21

Loyalty is important in most relationships and sharing a secret that’s not yours to share is a betrayal and extremely disloyal. All of this “don’t lie by omission” nonsense is something gossips say so they can spread info about others with no come back. I have an Aunt who does this and nobody trusts her with anything any more.

2026NewTricks · 30/12/2025 18:21

Has he deliberately kept it from you or just not told you? Did his sister ask him not to mention it?

Original poster

GeorgeClarkefan · 30/12/2025 18:22

I assume she told him not to tell anyone.

OP posts:

Mouthfulofquiz · 30/12/2025 18:23

I wouldn’t say that your feelings are ‘invalid’ at all. But your husband does have a right to keep a confidence. Has it upset you for a particular reason?

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 30/12/2025 18:24

2026NewTricks · 30/12/2025 18:21

Has he deliberately kept it from you or just not told you? Did his sister ask him not to mention it?

This.

My cousin had his second child three months ago

Neither my other aunty, uncle, or other two male cousins even knew he and his wife were expecting. It wasn't lying by omission. Men can be particularly crap at sharing this kind of information. I only knew because Nan told me.

Purlant · 30/12/2025 18:24

I’ve said things to a sibling and asked them not to tell my mum. My mum is definitely part of our family and loved dearly, just wasn’t ready to tell her at the time.

NewYearNewMee · 30/12/2025 18:25

Have you not seen his sister at all to be told? Or any of his other family members?

Glitchymn1 · 30/12/2025 18:25

Do you see her? Does she show? I couldn’t he mad at this, there could be a history of loss. Men don’t take as much notice or ask as much as women do, I’d let it go.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 30/12/2025 18:25

GeorgeClarkefan · 30/12/2025 18:19

OK I totally accept that my feelings are invalid.

His sister is nearly six months pregnant.

I think I am part of that family but I am clearly not.

Why is his sisters body your business? Yes YABU

mrspotatoe · 30/12/2025 18:26

If it’s his friends/families business and doesn’t affect you then I think it’s commendable that he’s good at keeping the confidence of the people he’s close with

summervile · 30/12/2025 18:26

YABU. It’s up to his sister who to tell.

Shittyyear2025 · 30/12/2025 18:26

This is absolutely something my DP would simply have forgotten to tell me. In one ear, out the other, then 'oh yeah, I knew that...'

I once held a pregnancy confidence as my friend had suffered several miscarriages and I knew the day she took the test. Her family didn't find out until 5 months. Her pregnancy didn't have any impact on me, nor on her family until she was ready to share her news - it want my news to tell.

mrspotatoe · 30/12/2025 18:27

I just saw your update mind, I would be upset to be kept out of the loop if rest of the family knew

Original poster

GeorgeClarkefan · 30/12/2025 18:27

ToKittyornottoKitty

Absolutely, essentially not my business but still I am upset.

I last saw her in passing about a month ago.

OP posts:

willadvicemess · 30/12/2025 18:27

It's for his sister to share - it sounds like they may have it kept it quiet from most people?

ShesTheAlbatross · 30/12/2025 18:28

Do you have a bad relationship with her?

I can’t imagine asking someone to keep something that was visibly obvious a secret. Did she maybe tell him earlier on, ask him not to say but was thinking she only really meant until the 12 week scan or something, and now assumes you know?

Jellybunny56 · 30/12/2025 18:28

Not his news to share, if she has asked him to keep it quiet then he’s done the right thing.

I would absolutely keep this secret for my sister. Nothing to do with an issue in my marriage, nothing against my husband, but it’s not my news to share.

Arlanymor · 30/12/2025 18:30

GeorgeClarkefan · 30/12/2025 18:19

OK I totally accept that my feelings are invalid.

His sister is nearly six months pregnant.

I think I am part of that family but I am clearly not.

No one said your feelings are invalid - your motivation possibly, but you can feel however you want to feel. But it's her news to share - when and how she wants to.

It's nothing to do with being part of the family - lots of people delay pregnancy announcements for very good reasons. Often due to health concerns and you don't exactly want to spread that information around. Neither he, nor she did it to exclude you specifically I am sure, it was just a choice that she made that he loyally abided by. I would be impressed at his keeping her counsel, its an admirable trait and, as you say, it doesn't affect you.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5