I slept with my ex last night and don't know where to go from here

[Wrathor]

This is my first proper post here, my head is spinning and I don't think I can tell people irk.

I started dating my ex when we were 15. at 17 we had our now 3yo dd and a we have a 8mo ds. Roughly 18 months ago we split because he's bisexual and wanted to experiment with men and wasn't looking for permission as that would feel wrong to him too. We split and while it was hard we remained friends.

I found out I was pregnant and he was supportive. I couldn't possibly have had a termination so we kept him. When he was born he'd stay over to help out with dd and baby, I don't have family support so its really just him and his dad and stepmum as they love locally

He invited us to go with him to visit his mum and stay for Christmas as she lives a few hours away. I agreed and it's been fine, tomorrow is dd’s 3rd birthday and we are due to leave on friday

Last night, his mum and her partner went out and it was just us and the dc. We were slightly tipsy and we ended up sleeping together. Halfway through he said he loved me but I don't know if it was just an in the moment thing. He was really sweet and after and it was the first time id done anything like that with anyone since we split so now I don't know what to think

His brother rang him and that sort of brought thinks to reality and we didn't speak about it again. He messaged me earlier saying he was going to transfer money for the MAP (he didn't want his family to overhear) but he hasn't as to yet and he's gone out for a run

Please be easy on me

I'd be getting tested for STIs if I were you, if he's been shagging around and you slept with him without a condom.

Take the map asap if you haven't already.

It sounds like a lot has happened to you in a very short space of time and at a young age, so don’t be too hard on yourself. I suppose you need to think in the immediate short term do you want to risk another pregnancy? If not, then take the MAP and also consider some more regular contraception.
In the longer term you need to consider if there is really any future relationship for you with your ex. It sounds like he’s being supportive with his kids but what is there for you in the long term if he is bisexual and wants something else? You need to think about what is right for you and your children in the longer term, and whether he can really give you what you want, need and deserve.
Good luck OP!

Stop having unprotected sex with him, and kids!

Yes, you absolutely need to get tested for STI's.

You also need to have a proper conversation to decide what your relationship is.

Stop sleeping with him until you know where you stand.

Eek. Unprotected sex with a bisexual man, who is currently experimenting with men, who doesn't use condoms is not a sensible choice. Syphilis and gonorrhoea are at historically high levels with bisexual men in England. Do not do that again. And see your doctor about tests and maybe some counselling as to why you keep having unprotected sex with this man, or at all. You need to improve your self-respect to keep yourself as safe as possible and your children as safe as possible.

No condom = no sex.

You are very young and he is your childhood sweetheart. You need distance from him. Have him transfer the money as soon as he gets back in.

does he pay child maintenance?

You got pregnant and had a child so very young, what are you doing for your future at the moment? Are you on a career path or college? You need to have a plan as you are responsable for the lives of two children and their futures are all on you.

Good grief, no protection used - you don’t learn do you?

Is there a particular reason you didn't use contraception?

My goodness give her a break for pity's sake. Also the level of judgement and ignorance because he may or may not have slept with a man/men is sickening! 😡

OP you're bound to still have feelings for this man, he sounds like he's a good person and a good dad. His run will probably be partly due to him not knowing quite what to say or do either. Hopefully by the time he gets back he'll maybe have sorted his head out a bit and you can have a conversation about how you both feel and what you see happening.

Good luck

This is a man she has been seeing since she was 15. She already has two children by 20 and he has fucked off as he wants to sleep around. I think it is highly likely he wont use a condom and op thinks thats normal.

Get tested, get an implant/coil and stop adding children to this situation.

Getting the map is the least of your worries.
As pp have said, you need to get a full set of sti tests.

Get a coil fitted rather than a MAP.

Take the morning after pill asap

Get tested for STIs

Carry condoms in your purse

Get some counselling

I dont think they will fit a coil if there is a risk of sti. That was the case ten years ago anyway!

https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/sexual-health-services/find-emergency-contraception/

He isn't ready to settle down. You need to try and keep detached for the kids sake.

Get on a reliable form of contraceptive like injection or implant or mirena

We split and while it was hard we remained friends. - Friends don’t have sex.

@Periperi2025 a coil isn’t a great choice if she is having unprotected sex with a man who is potentially have risky unprotected sex with other people.

I’m afraid he doesn’t want to be a relationship with you, if he did then he would be already.

Sorry? You think he’s a good person? Maybe read again how he’s treating her. He deserves judgement, you couldn't trust him in a million years!!

Whether you're getting back together or not you need to sort yourself out with some proper contraception now, as in today. You can't just keep having kids for a "friend" of yours because he fancies a shag.

A man walks away from his family because he wants to have sex with other people, and then comes back to have sex with his ex. This is not a good dad.

Yeah take the MAP

as others have said get sti tested but leave it at least 3 weeks or you’ll just have to repeat any test anyway

Wow I can't get over this judgy replies tbh. I don't “keep having kids for a friend”, I was already pregnant when we split I just didn't know it yet. It was a contraception failure but I couldn't go through a termination.

This was the first time we slept together since we split so it's not that I keep having unprotected sex, we were caught up in the moment after a rough few days with the dc and us being tipsy. I'm not on any contraception since having ds as I'm single and as I said before yesterday the last time I slept with someone was him before we split so over a year ago.

Regardless .....take the morning after pill and get tested for STIs

You need to protect yourself in every way from this man.

He wants it all, doesn’t he?

It isn’t really time to be friends with him as you’re clearly still vulnerable and hoping for more.

You really need to focus on detaching. Regarding his as your ex now. And not look to reconcile. You will only get really badly hurt.

Protect yourself and your dcs. You three are a family now. Strong unit.

What do you want to happen, OP? Do you still love him? You're both very young, and my concern would be that he's still not ready to settle down. I think you need to figure out what you want and then have an honest conversation with him. It sounds like you have a good relationship as parents, but that doesn't mean you're right for each other right now. It's fine for this to have been a one-off that doesn't happen again, but I wouldn't let it keep happening if the two of you want different things.

These things happen sometimes. It doesn't make either of you a bad person. Ignore the judgy replies and take care of yourself.