Page 3 | I slept with my ex last night and don't know where to go from here

Original poster

Wrathor · 30/12/2025 18:19

LyndaLaHughes · 30/12/2025 17:39

People aren’t being judgy. They are merely pointing out that sleeping with a man who has openly said there were looking to sleep with men without protection is a really irresponsible thing to do. You do need an STI check as your issue is not who you have slept with, but who he has and him not using protection with you, when it could end in pregnancy, suggests he would not necessarily use protection with men when pregnancy isn’t a concern.

It is judgy when being told I never learn etc. I was on the implant when I got pregnant with DS, I didn't plan on having unprotected sex with my ex last night it was an in the moment thing. Both dc were asleep (rare) and we were tipsy.

He's not said he was looking to sleep with men unprotected. Im not sure where that's came from. It was just he wanted to sleep with men and wasn't looking for my permission (to do it whilst in the relationship with me) because that still felt wrong to him even if I knew about it and was on board. He didn't just leave either, he is heavily involved in our lives. He sees them a few evenings a week after work and plays with them and does bedtime etc, he would give them their dinner then but its a bit of a push with timings due to the time he finishes so I do that. And he sees them most weekends, takes them out if the weathers okay even if it's just to the park but if not he's at mine and I'm either around or go out myself if I have plans etc. He doesn't have them overnight as ds is BF and it's silly if he just had dd (I also don't think she’d settle if she was away from me and ds ) as it wouldn't be much of a break for me. I don't mind too much about that and if I need him to stay with me to help he will. He was at every scan for ds and at the birth even though we were not together so he didn't just disappear.

I haven't been able to properly speak to him but I have ordered the MAP now .

OP posts:

Elle771 · 30/12/2025 18:25

You're getting some unnecessarily harsh replies here it sounds like it was a mistake in the moment and honestly I would try to forget the I love you bit and carry on coparenting as friends. I know its hard as there were feelings there and the kids mean you'll always be in eachothers lives but a bit of distance emotionally might be helpful. You sound lovely hope you get MAP sorted :)

Dissappearedupmyownarse · 30/12/2025 18:31

Wrathor · 30/12/2025 13:48

This is my first proper post here, my head is spinning and I don't think I can tell people irk.

I started dating my ex when we were 15. at 17 we had our now 3yo dd and a we have a 8mo ds. Roughly 18 months ago we split because he's bisexual and wanted to experiment with men and wasn't looking for permission as that would feel wrong to him too. We split and while it was hard we remained friends.

I found out I was pregnant and he was supportive. I couldn't possibly have had a termination so we kept him. When he was born he'd stay over to help out with dd and baby, I don't have family support so its really just him and his dad and stepmum as they love locally

He invited us to go with him to visit his mum and stay for Christmas as she lives a few hours away. I agreed and it's been fine, tomorrow is dd’s 3rd birthday and we are due to leave on friday

Last night, his mum and her partner went out and it was just us and the dc. We were slightly tipsy and we ended up sleeping together. Halfway through he said he loved me but I don't know if it was just an in the moment thing. He was really sweet and after and it was the first time id done anything like that with anyone since we split so now I don't know what to think

His brother rang him and that sort of brought thinks to reality and we didn't speak about it again. He messaged me earlier saying he was going to transfer money for the MAP (he didn't want his family to overhear) but he hasn't as to yet and he's gone out for a run

Please be easy on me

This is MNs, most people on here are 'perfect' pillars of society and will flame you for any wrong doing.
You acted on youre emotions which we all do when we're feeling a bit vulnerable. I feel he took advantage of your emotional state. Unless he's declaring undying love for you and prepared to give it another try after you've both sat down and had an adult discussion about how you move forwards, you need to draw a line under this move on. You risk getting really hurt otherwise and it will be impossible for your children to not get caught up in it at some point.
Be gentle on yourself, you're only human

TakeItUpWithTheAnteater · 30/12/2025 18:39

D3vonmaid · 30/12/2025 13:57

It sounds like a lot has happened to you in a very short space of time and at a young age, so don’t be too hard on yourself. I suppose you need to think in the immediate short term do you want to risk another pregnancy? If not, then take the MAP and also consider some more regular contraception.
In the longer term you need to consider if there is really any future relationship for you with your ex. It sounds like he’s being supportive with his kids but what is there for you in the long term if he is bisexual and wants something else? You need to think about what is right for you and your children in the longer term, and whether he can really give you what you want, need and deserve.
Good luck OP!

This but STI test too.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 30/12/2025 21:11

Wrathor · 30/12/2025 18:19

It is judgy when being told I never learn etc. I was on the implant when I got pregnant with DS, I didn't plan on having unprotected sex with my ex last night it was an in the moment thing. Both dc were asleep (rare) and we were tipsy.

He's not said he was looking to sleep with men unprotected. Im not sure where that's came from. It was just he wanted to sleep with men and wasn't looking for my permission (to do it whilst in the relationship with me) because that still felt wrong to him even if I knew about it and was on board. He didn't just leave either, he is heavily involved in our lives. He sees them a few evenings a week after work and plays with them and does bedtime etc, he would give them their dinner then but its a bit of a push with timings due to the time he finishes so I do that. And he sees them most weekends, takes them out if the weathers okay even if it's just to the park but if not he's at mine and I'm either around or go out myself if I have plans etc. He doesn't have them overnight as ds is BF and it's silly if he just had dd (I also don't think she’d settle if she was away from me and ds ) as it wouldn't be much of a break for me. I don't mind too much about that and if I need him to stay with me to help he will. He was at every scan for ds and at the birth even though we were not together so he didn't just disappear.

I haven't been able to properly speak to him but I have ordered the MAP now .

Show quote history

Has he transferred you the money?

He's not said he was looking to sleep with men unprotected. Im not sure where that's came from. It was just he wanted to sleep with men
If he is having sex with you without a condom when there is a risk of pregnancy, why would he be using a condom with the men he sleeps with?

Suzi9989I · 31/12/2025 01:10

The only choice I see you have is not to sleep with him again.
You need to ask yourself this:
Was sleeping with him THE mistake?
Or
Not using protection?

The reason you broke up was he wanted to experiment with same sex partners.
I don't see you have any other choice with this going forward. He doesn't want to reconcile the relationship as long as he still wants to sleep with other men.

Hope all clear regards to STI testing

localbutterfly · 31/12/2025 01:28

This doesn't change anything about your relationship with your ex. Do the normal follow-ups now to make sure you're not pregnant and have not contracted an STD, just as if you had had a ONS with a stranger. Don't beat yourself up over it, but take steps to be safe.

PollyBell · 31/12/2025 04:38

If you cant use proper forms of contraception to protect you from pregnancy disease stop sleeping with him, it is not rocket science you have children to think of put them first, some diseases are life changing who would look after your children then

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/12/2025 05:27

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 30/12/2025 21:11

Has he transferred you the money?

He's not said he was looking to sleep with men unprotected. Im not sure where that's came from. It was just he wanted to sleep with men
If he is having sex with you without a condom when there is a risk of pregnancy, why would he be using a condom with the men he sleeps with?

Show quote history

Agreed. Why would he be using condoms with men? He’d have some on him for starters if he uses them. And you’re at high risk from STIs. Please get yourself checked out.

A man, who truly loves, cherishes and cares about you would not want to pass any infection to you he’d potentially picked up through sleeping. He wouldn’t want to put you through having to take pills, which make you feel ill and mess with your hormones, especially when you’re breastfeeding. He would want more for you than that.

daisychain01 · 31/12/2025 05:45

Rosealea · 30/12/2025 14:23

My goodness give her a break for pity's sake. Also the level of judgement and ignorance because he may or may not have slept with a man/men is sickening! 😡

OP you're bound to still have feelings for this man, he sounds like he's a good person and a good dad. His run will probably be partly due to him not knowing quite what to say or do either. Hopefully by the time he gets back he'll maybe have sorted his head out a bit and you can have a conversation about how you both feel and what you see happening.

Good luck

Your sense of judgement is as screwed up as the OPs!

he's a grown adult who is 50% responsible for the procreation of 2 kids and you think it's OK for him to wander off and have sex with other men, then come back and have sex with the OP.

Hopefully by the time he gets back, he'll have maybe sorted his head out .... jeez your bar is scraping on the floor isn't it.

PollyBell · 31/12/2025 05:48

daisychain01 · 31/12/2025 05:45

Your sense of judgement is as screwed up as the OPs!

he's a grown adult who is 50% responsible for the procreation of 2 kids and you think it's OK for him to wander off and have sex with other men, then come back and have sex with the OP.

Hopefully by the time he gets back, he'll have maybe sorted his head out .... jeez your bar is scraping on the floor isn't it.

Show quote history

The op is choosing to sleep with him they can learn the word no

Betty1625 · 31/12/2025 06:08

Hi OP, your situation sounds quite complicated. Obviously you will always stay connected to your ex through your children, and I am glad that he is involved in children's lives. However, its probably a bad idea to sleep with him as its messed with your head and might hurt your feelings in the end.
Is your ex quite a promiscuous person? I know everyone's different but I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with someone that considers having sex with other partners (with or without my permission)

Just1apple · 31/12/2025 06:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Anyahyacinth · 31/12/2025 17:30

Another non judgemental vote that you get checked out at GUM clinic and then use contraception and protect yourself (both emotionally and physically)

Worked with many people with HIV etc...they are you, me, anyone....being checked earlier you can take PREP and not acquire an infection. Protect your future.

I think if he wants to explore his sexuality you really need to let go and not hold a space for him. You are young and deserve a fully committed partner / happy life 💐💐💐

Anyahyacinth · 31/12/2025 17:35

Yes, you can take the morning-after pill (emergency contraception) while breastfeeding, but recommendations differ slightly by type: Levonorgestrel pills (like Levonelle, Plan B) are generally safe, with minimal amounts passing into milk, and no interruption needed, though some sources suggest feeding right after and waiting 8 hours. For Ulipristal Acetate (like ellaOne), it's advised to avoid breastfeeding for 7 days after taking it, expressing and discarding milk during that time to minimize exposure. Always consult a doctor or pharmacist for personalized advice.

PaisleyPrit · 31/12/2025 17:41

VioletandMauve · 30/12/2025 16:58

She's 20. She is responsible for 2 children already. She should also be responsible for herself. Bugger off with your judgement of me.

Show quote history

Your reply was completely unhelpful and pointless. Your intentions are clearly not to help, judgy or not.

And nobody else here is judging you, how ridiculous can you be!

LetTheMadnessEnd · 31/12/2025 18:19

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 30/12/2025 14:01

Yes, you absolutely need to get tested for STI's.

You also need to have a proper conversation to decide what your relationship is.

Stop sleeping with him until you know where you stand.

Stop sleeping with him full stop - you are putting yourself at risk of HIV and other STIs. Put your children first and get reliable contraception otherwise you will end up with half a dozen children you can't look after and that's not fair on them.

Minnie798 · 31/12/2025 18:32

As others have said, the map and sti testing. Then forget about him, you can do better than someone who wants to have sex with other people.
Contraception even when you don't have a partner is a good idea Last night showed that you can never be certain you won't have a one night stand or moment of weakness etc. So I'd also make that a priority.

LetTheMadnessEnd · 01/01/2026 14:24

Rosealea · 30/12/2025 14:23

My goodness give her a break for pity's sake. Also the level of judgement and ignorance because he may or may not have slept with a man/men is sickening! 😡

OP you're bound to still have feelings for this man, he sounds like he's a good person and a good dad. His run will probably be partly due to him not knowing quite what to say or do either. Hopefully by the time he gets back he'll maybe have sorted his head out a bit and you can have a conversation about how you both feel and what you see happening.

Good luck

People on MN are trying to get OP to think straight before she becomes HIV positive or catches some other STI.

He's not a "good" man, he's selfish and abusive.
A good man would not have unprotected sex with a woman he is no longer with and especially not if he is also having sex with other men.
Men who have sex with other men are the ones most at risk of becoming HIV positive and bi-sexual men are the ones most at risk of making women HIV positive.

OP is very young but already has 2 children to care for.
She could easily get pregnant again (and again) and end up with a baby with HIV.

That is something SHE needs to prevent happening.
Her behaviour is irresponsible at this point and she needs to grow up and start behaving like an adult.