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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Missing your adult “children “!

76 replies

Sahara123 · 29/12/2025 12:23

In about an hour I’ll be dropping my adult daughter at the train station after the Christmas break and as usual I’m so sad ! She drives me a bit nuts, as with the other thread her rooms a mess, she’s quite opinionated but she’s funny and a fabulous young woman and I miss the very bones of her !
I’ll put her on the train and then hide in my scarf as a few tears fall . Does it ever get any easier!!

OP posts:
Rockchick01 · 29/12/2025 12:58

. My son lives in Oz. He’s lived there for about 8 years and it never gets any easier whether we’re leaving him there having visited or dropping him at the airport here. He’s back at the moment and am dreading taking him at the airport when he goes back in about 9 days. There will be tears from me in the car coming home. I do try not to cry in front of him. If it helps be proud that you’ve done a great job as a parent giving your child the confidence to seek their own way in the world.

Lifelover16 · 29/12/2025 13:04

I have one daughter and family abroad and one in UK. Wherever I am, I miss the one I’m not with. So no, you are not being unreasonable at all imo.

WonsWoo · 29/12/2025 13:06

I feel the same. My DD is on a year working abroad (Asia) we did visit in September and leaving was awful.

DS lives an hour away and I cried after dropping him at his GFs family house on Christmas Day.

Im not miserable when they’re not here and I’m not always wailing but something about them leaving the house is just emotional.

Mind you, I get teary when I drop the dog at Kennels if we’re going away - the DCs do say he’s my favourite child!

My DD is coming home in 9 weeks and will then be moving 3 hours away but at least we’ll be in the same time zone!

Ducksurprise · 29/12/2025 13:16

No, sorry it doesn't get easier, I agree with all the above.

MN doesn't look kindly on people like me, but I miss them as adults but I long for them as children. I would give so much to be able to go back to when they were small, even just for a day.

I am not generally soft in real life, but the moments of parting always make me cry.

But we are so lucky to feel like this, and I tell my kids that all the time.

santiishot · 29/12/2025 13:20

I get it.

It’s a difficult thing to talk about on Mumsnet because you usually get told all sorts of horrible things and the old ‘you raised them to be independent so be glad’ appears!

Ducksurprise · 29/12/2025 13:24

Agree @santiishot there is little space on MN to feel like this. We are somehow meant to without feeling or emotion.

I read on some sappy FB post this saying

'our hardest job is raising the one thing we can't live without, to live without us'

Like @WonsWoo I don't mope when they are not here, we all just slot into a new rhythm, but leaving them is so hard.

AliceAbsolum · 29/12/2025 13:26

My DD is 3 and I'm dreading this already! She's full on but I can't imagine her just not being here all the time.

TheHillIsMine · 29/12/2025 13:32

I dropped my son off yesterday and now won't see him in real life for eleven months. It's rubbish but I'm happy he's got a good job and he's loving his life. My daughter is at uni and have only seen her once since April. Next month is our planned Christmas. My other child lives an hour away in uni digs so I see him a lot.

Mydogisagentleman · 29/12/2025 13:33

Ours went back to where she lives (2 hours away) on 27th.
I adore her, but she's a lazy little bundle of barbed wire.
Pleased to see the back of her, but looking forward to seeing her again in February

abbey44 · 29/12/2025 13:37

@Ducksurprise MN doesn't look kindly on people like me, but I miss them as adults but I long for them as children. I would give so much to be able to go back to when they were small, even just for a day.

I absolutely get this - I feel like this too about my adult children as well.

I’ve got two adult sons, one lives in London and I see him about once a month or so, the other lives abroad and I see him about once a year (they’re both good about calling though), and while I’m happy that they’re doing well and fully-functioning independent adults - I feel I’ve fulfilled the brief of being a parent - I hate waving them off after I’ve seen them. I feel very flat for a couple of days.

dancinfeet · 29/12/2025 14:27

I feel like this too- I see one during uni holidays, and the other once or twice a year. I live completely alone, no husband or partner and it was just the three of us for many years, and now the house is so quiet and empty.

santiishot · 29/12/2025 14:33

abbey44 · 29/12/2025 13:37

@Ducksurprise MN doesn't look kindly on people like me, but I miss them as adults but I long for them as children. I would give so much to be able to go back to when they were small, even just for a day.

I absolutely get this - I feel like this too about my adult children as well.

I’ve got two adult sons, one lives in London and I see him about once a month or so, the other lives abroad and I see him about once a year (they’re both good about calling though), and while I’m happy that they’re doing well and fully-functioning independent adults - I feel I’ve fulfilled the brief of being a parent - I hate waving them off after I’ve seen them. I feel very flat for a couple of days.

Yes! That is exactly how I feel - flat.

i don’t think it’s as binary as is often said on here - I think you can be proud of the adults they are and their independence as well as missing them and feeling flat when they leave.

Doteycat · 29/12/2025 15:55

I hate the goodbye.
Im well used to my dd not living at home anymore, on the day to day basis its grand, we chat all the time.
But the goodbyes never ever ever get easier.
And tbh I hope they never do.
I dont ever want to be at the airport thinking ah ya see ya whatever.
I hate the goodbyes but I know it passes after a few days.
I guess it's just part of having adult children really.

Original poster
Sahara123 · 29/12/2025 16:09

I didn’t think it would be just me but it does feel as if we’re not supposed to have these feelings sometimes doesn’t it! I’m hugely proud of the young woman she’s become but it doesn’t stop me missing her. Back from the station now and yes, I feel flat !

OP posts:
Cattyisbatty · 29/12/2025 16:11

I miss them when they’re not around, but I don’t cry when they leave - to me it’s not a sad thing- they’re living their life. If they’re happy where they are, then I’m happy, whether that’s at home or not.

One DC is coming back to live at home soon and I’m half dreading it because we will probably not get on as well as we do when they live away (now with WhatsApp/Facetime etc it’s much easier to stay in touch). An ideal for me would be they live in their own place but still nearby so I’d see them once or twice a week.

mumonthehill · 29/12/2025 16:14

One ds 6 hours away one in New Zealand and the other day I was talking to a friend who also has a ds abroad and I was trying to explain an almost physical ache I get when missing them and she got it totally. I am glad they are living the lives they want to but do miss them, not all the times but it catches me out sometimes.

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 29/12/2025 16:15

DS1 moved last week to a city 5 hours drive from us. Previously he was 2 hours away and used to come regularly at weekends. For work I go to his (old) town once a fortnight so often caught up with him for a meal after work before driving home

I am immensely proud of him for branching out and making a big move. But I am going to miss him so much.

DS2 went to uni 7 years ago and has never lived at home since. He's also several hours drive away but it's a different dynamic. I love them both very much but am used to DS2 not being around.

Mimilamore · 29/12/2025 16:19

Just made me cry reading these… daughter in Oz 3 years..

InterestedDad37 · 29/12/2025 16:19

Two of mine have been around for Christmas, and they're going this evening (both live far away from me). They're in their 30s, but it's always a wrench! They're doing well in their lives, and I'm very proud of them. I miss them when they go though 😊

Kd96 · 29/12/2025 16:38

I need a mamma if you wanna be mine! 🥺

augustusglupe · 29/12/2025 17:10

You could be talking about my DD. They sound similar.
She is great company & my favourite person to be around. We’ve watched lots of AbFab and have just had the best time, it’s been lovely.
We took her to the train back to London this morning. She arrived on Christmas Eve & it’s the longest break she’s had with us for years.
I feel abit flat now, had a sleep this afternoon and read my book.

TheFairyCaravan · 29/12/2025 17:15

We live an hour from one son, but he’s in the army so that distance grows often, and 3 hours from the other. We’ve now got a little grandson so it makes it all the more difficult to leave. We got home last night, after spending a few days there, I’m knackered but a bit lost.

Skyflyinghigh · 29/12/2025 17:18

No you are not alone. When my son comes to visit and leaves it’s like the first time all over again. It doesn’t get any easier.

Daytimetellyqueen · 29/12/2025 17:20

Ducksurprise · 29/12/2025 13:16

No, sorry it doesn't get easier, I agree with all the above.

MN doesn't look kindly on people like me, but I miss them as adults but I long for them as children. I would give so much to be able to go back to when they were small, even just for a day.

I am not generally soft in real life, but the moments of parting always make me cry.

But we are so lucky to feel like this, and I tell my kids that all the time.

This! Feel exactly the same!

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 29/12/2025 17:22

I had three of my five over Christmas and it drove me mad having the house full and noisy when it's usually just me and the dog. But as soon as they'd all gone it felt empty and oddly sad. I'm always the same, love seeing them but find the disruption hard and then when they go I miss the hell out of them.

I try to look at the positives and find myself lots of things to do to keep busy. The feeling fades quite quickly (unless my middle DD is over from Oz, and I miss her for a good week after she's gone back).