Missing your adult “children “!

[Sahara123]

In about an hour I’ll be dropping my adult daughter at the train station after the Christmas break and as usual I’m so sad ! She drives me a bit nuts, as with the other thread her rooms a mess, she’s quite opinionated but she’s funny and a fabulous young woman and I miss the very bones of her !
I’ll put her on the train and then hide in my scarf as a few tears fall . Does it ever get any easier!!

Oh this is lovely, that’s how it feels isn’t it !
Good to hear that although we are immensely proud of how they’ve turned out it’s perfectly normal to feel sad when they go.
Life of course goes on but for today I’ll just glance into her empty room and feel a bit sad !!

We had 9 days of noise and general bustle with them home. Now both are gone , but hopefully we’ll see them in London end January/ February.
The house does feel empty and quiet for a few days

This.

I long for mine as children too. Just for one day to have that little hand clutched in mine.

Mine both live in their home city. So l see them a lot. Ds went to London for 2 years. I was broken by it. He came back though.

Yes, I’ve always thought I’d like one day of them as young children. Now just got the photos..

We are just back from a couple of days away with both of our DC( one lives away) and I was very conscious that this may not happen again. One has a serious boyfriend and the other a new one so future Christmases may involve one or another of them so o really tried to appreciate the moment- including the less ‘happy family’ moments.

Me too. It's been bloody lovely having my 2 both home for Christmas at the same time this year and unlikely ever to happen again due to jobs, partners, life etc. (One of my ds casually dropped in to conversation that he and his partner are planning to move back to Australia next year while I smile and nod, feeling that secret deep aching pain of loss).
What can fuck off is all those posts by smug parents of toddlers (often daughter in laws) telling us how happy we should be to have brought up successful independent people and that we're unnaturally smothering and clingy.
No, sorry, despite being delighted that my sons have successful careers and fulfilling lives, their regular presence in my life cannot be replaced with knitting or paddle ball groups. Just wait.

My eldest two are both a flight away. The house feels quiet when they are not here but I don’t miss them as such I’m pulir that they’re off doing their own thing, having adventures and thriving. But it’s a tug when they leave.

I remind myself the alternative would be do much worse. I have a friend whose adult DDs anxiety is so crippling she cannot be away from her parents for more than a couple of hours. It is ruining both their lives.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I dont long for the days they were small.
It was very very difficult and we were broke as fuck and exhausted.
They were also some of the happiest times of my life with them, the good days at home playing and nothing to do with the outside world.
But no, I remember it with fondness but I also remember the really tough days. And im so glad thats done. Im glad my rearing days are over.
Doesn't stop me being sad when they go home, but no I dont want to turn back time.
I am very much enjoying the post child rating days of my own life.

Hear hear.

Absolutely @Haffdonga

My children are all within 10 minutes of me and I miss them when they go home after being here, or I go home after visiting them. There’s no one in the world I’d rather be with than them and at different stages in their lives when they’ve lived abroad I couldn’t wait till I saw them again but I still got on with my life. You have to. The last thing we should do to our children is stop them being happy because they’re worried about us missing them.

“I miss them when they’re not around, but I don’t cry when they leave - to me it’s not a sad thing- they’re living their life. If they’re happy where they are, then I’m happy, whether that’s at home or not.”

Yeah this is how I feel. My DH on the other hand, always has a little cry when they go.

@Haffdonga

I hear you ❤️

And just to say it must have been so hard having Australia dropped into the conversation snd managing to take it in your stride. 💐

This too, for me. I have a friend whose son is the same age as my younger son. Hers still lives at home, has very little independent life, and basically her entire life has to be lived around him. He controls her almost completely (ASD).

So when I wave mine off, I check my privilege a little, because I know how much my friend would LOVE to be able to wave goodbye to her son sometimes. Mine have homes and lives and partners and good jobs and I know her lad will never have any of that, so, while I'm sad they are gone, I remind myself of the other side of the coin.

I get you OP. And if either of mine mentioned Australia I think I’d have to find numerous pictures of massive Aussie spiders to put them off!
I’m finding the hardest thing at the moment is that I recently lost my mum, and I’m plagued with memories of how dismissive and impatient I was with her as a young woman when she expressed any of the feelings being expressed here.
Now I’m the mum and my very young adults are simultaneously driving me mad and pulling away from me I just want to give my mum a hug and say sorry for being an ungrateful cow.

I get you OP. And if either of mine mentioned Australia I think I’d have to find numerous pictures of massive Aussie spiders to put them off!
I’m finding the hardest thing at the moment is that I recently lost my mum, and I’m plagued with memories of how dismissive and impatient I was with her as a young woman when she expressed any of the feelings being expressed here.
Now I’m the mum and my very young adults are simultaneously driving me mad and pulling away from me I just want to give my mum a hug and say sorry for being an ungrateful cow.

I just adore my adult daughters. As soon as I’ve said goodbye to them I start looking forward to the next time I’m going to see them.

My adult son moved out to share a rented apartment with a friend, at age 25, three weeks ago. He spent Xmas with us over a three day period. Hes not good at keeping contact and I know I'm probably over estimating what reasonable contact is. I message him daily but he rarely responds. We have a great relationship when together. He makes me laugh, and we have good conversations. I miss him hugely but i guess I'm going to have to adapt to expectations of when I hear from him...

My son is in Oz for three years. I visited him recently and had a fabulous time but I had to tell myself off for dreading going home. It was marring my enjoyment.
I reframed it in my head that I was bloody lucky to have the opportunity and funds to have such a lovely holiday and spend time with him.

Totally agree. No amount of face time can replace their physical presence,smell,touch,hug etc !

I totally agree.

It doesn’t get easier in my experience. My eldest 2 are in their mid 40’s and have lived overseas with wives and children for 20 and 10 years. See them once a year but as I get older the 14 hour and 10 hour flights are getting uncomfortable.
They have marvellous lifestyles and I’m immensely proud of them and never weep and wail in front of them, but I wish they lived closer.
Facetime is ok but nothing like the easy chats and meet ups I have with my more local children and stepchildren and grandchildren.
There will always be a sadness in my heart. anyone who doesn’t have their precious child living permanently overseas could possibly imagine what it is actually like. They were my babies, once totally reliant on me and I miss the closeness. I know they have to grow up and move out!
Im now quietly crying having written that!

oh I do agree with all of that too! I could punch people who say “ you’ve given them their wings” nonsense stuff

But both are true. I am pleased my DD is successful and loving her life so far and I am glad we no longer live together too. However I also really miss her when she leaves until I get back into my routine.