Catering for dietary requirements

[conductable]

I'm 35 weeks pregnant, so I haven't caught anyone in the family by surprise turning up to dinner with a few requirements on what I can and can't eat.

I went round to my in-laws for dinner last night and whilst my BIL and his wife and child all had accommodations made by my MIL for all their dietary preferences (one allergy and 2 preferences) I had to sit there hungry through the starters until the main course was served as there was nothing suitable, they had done parma ham or pate for starter, smoked salmon canapes or goats cheese canapes, when we arrived. Again, then nothing on the cheese course, not even a cheddar, just brie, stilton, and goats.

I dont mind picking around bits, but I was deeply hurt they had gone to great effort for my BIL and family, and I didn't get anything until 8:30 because absolutely everything is on my current no-go list.

Smoked salmon is one of the most toxic food you can eat anyway.

Wild smoked salmon is fine, but farmed smoked salmon is horrific.

🙄 When you are having a meal with extended family at Xmas time, you’re not just eating as a ‘food is fuel’ type thing. It’s meant to be a bit of an event and therefore you cater properly for your guests, make an effort. What sort of person are you to not realise that?

I find it odd that mil catered for everyone and not you so that’s why I would expect this is a miscommunication.

My oldest is in his 20s and there were definitely guidelines about cheeses, certain meats, rare cooked meats, deli meats, unpasteurised foods, raw eggs, washing fruit and veg. There was also advice not to eat peanuts if you had certain allergies, hayfever. And it had obviously been long before that because I remember discussing it with a friend who had a 10 year old child at the time I was pregnant and that child is now in his 30s. This ‘I’m so chill and relaxed, I just ate what I wanted and these new mums worrying about everything are pathetic’ attitude and ‘I’m just so confused’ are just 🙄🙄🙄

Stop being daft

I wasn't commenting on the reasons why MIL would pick the "banned list" and serve items from the banned list exclusively - that's more than a bit weird if she had indeed been given that exact list,

I was replying to the poster fainting at other guests eating while the poor pregnant woman was starving. Let's not push it, she wasn't exactly starving.

There were guidelines 20 years ago but I wouldn’t recall details. Particularly food not eaten frequently. Smoked salmon, goat’s cheese and Stilton wouldn’t spring to mind as a definite no no. If someone pregnant was visiting it would be best to check but busy time/multiple allergies it may not have been on radar. They may have thought oh there’s plenty or she can have cheese then not picked up the cheddar.

Well said. Some people are just in the wind up or have very strange families and think it’s normal not to cater for guests properly.

Theres only one person being daft here and it wasn’t the pp.

So when you arrived at 5 did you or your DH now ask what food was being served and then nip to the shop?

What accommodations did she make for the others that were so massive?

did you only come here to make personal attacks?

I’d be very upset at this. They may think the list of foods too long/not necessary but they should set that aside and recognise that you are trying to protect their grandchild! I would avoid going to theirs again for the foreseeable. It’s a sensitive time, pregnancy and early weeks of new baby, and you need to protect your feelings.

This is a strange thread.

• Everyone I know is aware of and adheres to the NHS guidelines - the OP is not being OTT for doing so.
• Her in laws were aware of said guidelines, aware that OP was adhering to them and have very recently catered to their daughter, who also adhered to them. They know about them and are willing to work to them for some people - just not the OP.
• On this occasion, they catered to the dietary preferences of other guests.

Of course the OP’s feelings are hurt. What the guidance was ‘in your day’, what they do in France and the availability of toast aren’t really at all relevant to the above.

You told someone they were being daft, but when the same is said to you it becomes a ‘personal attack’?

The cognitive dissonance is astounding.

I think this sums it up. Things keep changing. They didn't know. You can't expect them to google it - you know what you can/can't eat. Tell them.

When you arrive for dinner at someone’s house, do you generally ask for a breakdown of the menu? If so, I think you may be in the minority. I don’t and I’ve never been asked.

They did know. Their daughter adhered to the exact same list very recently and they catered to her. Additionally, OP and her DH have told them multiple times.

She did goats cheese canapes, a quiche starter and a chestnut wellington for vegetarian nephew. She could have easily prepped another quiche for me at the same time, but apparently she "just didn't think" so only has one. She bought a nut free christmas pudding, mince pies and crackers for BIL. She bought gluten free bread and made the gravy to a different recipe for SIL and made sure we all knew that it was suitable for her.

She could’ve halved the quiche!

I cannot imagine making a DIL so unwelcome! I wonder if she’ll expect to have her relationship with the child facilitated and made easy.

If she knew your requirements then yes she was rude. The guidance has changed in the last few years but she was told and had already catered for her daughter's pregnancy.

You seem so annoyed with the MIL which is understandable but you don't seem annoyed at your DH tucking in.

He could have said you were both leaving because of a lack of food for you but he didn't. He chose to stay and eat. Doesn't say a lot about him tbh.

Yeah, it was shitty of them.

Why would they leave?

OP didn't have a starter, which was thoughtless hosting of her MIL, but she could eat the main course and dessert, and enjoy the family company.

I didn't get anything until 8:30 because absolutely everything is on my current no-go list.

This is what OP said. Everyone else ate including her DH. They all happily ate while she didn't get anything until 8.30. Her own DH wasn't even concerned.

Why is it banned??
What food allergies / intolerances have you got why you couldn’t eat much offered?