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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being upset

57 replies

Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 10:22

I sent my friend a package for Christmas and it was marked as unable to deliver and taken to a pickup location. Pickup location is 10 minutes from where she lives.

I messaged her several times that she needs to pick it up please or it will be sent back to the warehouse. She apologized but said she has been too busy, that she will try. It's gone back to the warehouse after 2 weeks.

OP posts:
Only2daystogo · 27/12/2025 10:23

And?

Clairey1986 · 27/12/2025 10:23

I would be disappointed. Was the pick up location very far/difficult for her?

somanychristmaslights · 27/12/2025 10:24

Oh well, her loss and you’ll get a refund. She obviously doesn’t care much about your friendship. At least now you know.

upstairsdownstairscardboardbox · 27/12/2025 10:24

The refund will come to you, so no harm done really. But it is annoying!

Original poster
Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 10:25

Clairey1986 · 27/12/2025 10:23

I would be disappointed. Was the pick up location very far/difficult for her?

She said it wasn't far away, a 10 minute walk in her first message

OP posts:
tinyspiny · 27/12/2025 10:27

Her loss

Nickyknackered · 27/12/2025 10:27

somanychristmaslights · 27/12/2025 10:24

Oh well, her loss and you’ll get a refund. She obviously doesn’t care much about your friendship. At least now you know.

Who says she doesnt care about the friendship?

The OP sat in the comfort of her own home snd ordered a parcel gift to her friend which then obligated the friend to find time (in the run up to Christmas) and expense to travel to collect it, and then the OP gets the thanks and good feels for doing somehing nice when it was actually pretty lazy and puts the work and effort on to the receiver.

Aplstrudl · 27/12/2025 10:29

There’s no way she couldn’t find 10 minutes to drive down and collect it. She clearly could t be arsed and couldn’t be bothered. It’s hurtful that she didn’t think you’re worth this trip so sod her. Don’t get a replacement gift.

Original poster
Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 10:29

Nickyknackered · 27/12/2025 10:27

Who says she doesnt care about the friendship?

The OP sat in the comfort of her own home snd ordered a parcel gift to her friend which then obligated the friend to find time (in the run up to Christmas) and expense to travel to collect it, and then the OP gets the thanks and good feels for doing somehing nice when it was actually pretty lazy and puts the work and effort on to the receiver.

Show quote history

It should have been delivered to her apartment but the delivery driver said nobody answered the door. She said they were home and didn't hear a bell.

OP posts:
Bobiverse · 27/12/2025 10:31

Nickyknackered · 27/12/2025 10:27

Who says she doesnt care about the friendship?

The OP sat in the comfort of her own home snd ordered a parcel gift to her friend which then obligated the friend to find time (in the run up to Christmas) and expense to travel to collect it, and then the OP gets the thanks and good feels for doing somehing nice when it was actually pretty lazy and puts the work and effort on to the receiver.

Show quote history

As an absolutely insane way to look at someone sending a gift to your home. You must be an incredibly miserable person if that is the way you see a gift being sent.

somanychristmaslights · 27/12/2025 10:33

Nickyknackered · 27/12/2025 10:27

Who says she doesnt care about the friendship?

The OP sat in the comfort of her own home snd ordered a parcel gift to her friend which then obligated the friend to find time (in the run up to Christmas) and expense to travel to collect it, and then the OP gets the thanks and good feels for doing somehing nice when it was actually pretty lazy and puts the work and effort on to the receiver.

Show quote history

yeah, really bad to send her friend a present. What was she thinking? 🙄

Eenameenadeeka · 27/12/2025 10:33

It's unfortunate that it wasn't delivered, at such a busy time of year it can be hard to find the time for these extra errands. I don't think it's personal against you that she didn't manage it.

Original poster
Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 10:35

Eenameenadeeka · 27/12/2025 10:33

It's unfortunate that it wasn't delivered, at such a busy time of year it can be hard to find the time for these extra errands. I don't think it's personal against you that she didn't manage it.

So you would stay friends assuming everything else was good?

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 27/12/2025 10:38

It's just one of those things. Yeah its a shame she won't get her gift and you did a nice thing but try not to feel upset about it.

You did everything you could in the situation...ie ordered a gift to her home in time for Christmas. She didn't get round to picking it up, maybe it was an oversight on her part

Our local in post can be an effort for me to get to. I work full time and if I want to drive there, the only times I can drive due to work are notoriously bad for traffic build up. And due to work, atm I would either have to walk early morning in the dark, or after work in the dark, when frankly, it's an effort. So I often put off going until I have to. Its one of those chores thats a pain.

airportfloor · 27/12/2025 10:39

Only you know what her lifestyle is like. Is she busy? I can totally see that collecting the present is an item on her to do list and she might prefer the 20 minutes plus waiting time to do other essential Xmas prep.

Original poster
Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 10:45

airportfloor · 27/12/2025 10:39

Only you know what her lifestyle is like. Is she busy? I can totally see that collecting the present is an item on her to do list and she might prefer the 20 minutes plus waiting time to do other essential Xmas prep.

This is her first Christmas with a baby , and the baby has epilepsy (West Syndrome), medications have been working but I know she has a lot of doctor appointments.

Her husband also currently has borderline pneumonia (infection close to turning into pneumonia) from her last message, so they are struggling.

I'm probably being massively unfair here.

OP posts:
ParallelLimes · 27/12/2025 10:48

Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 10:45

This is her first Christmas with a baby , and the baby has epilepsy (West Syndrome), medications have been working but I know she has a lot of doctor appointments.

Her husband also currently has borderline pneumonia (infection close to turning into pneumonia) from her last message, so they are struggling.

I'm probably being massively unfair here.

Edited
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Bloody hell OP, that's quite a dripfeed. I think you know in your heart YABU. She's not rejecting you or your friendship, she's just maxed out right now.

Mantari · 27/12/2025 10:48

Blimey. That is a bit of a drip feed, OP. No wonder she struggled to collect the gift.

holachicatita · 27/12/2025 10:49

Given your update OP you are being massively unreasonable. Also, even the fact that you are considering ending the friendship over this is ridiculous

PollyBell · 27/12/2025 10:51

Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 10:45

This is her first Christmas with a baby , and the baby has epilepsy (West Syndrome), medications have been working but I know she has a lot of doctor appointments.

Her husband also currently has borderline pneumonia (infection close to turning into pneumonia) from her last message, so they are struggling.

I'm probably being massively unfair here.

Edited
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You think?

Alpacajigsaw · 27/12/2025 10:51

Yeah your further update changes things. It’s not surprising she couldn’t get to go

Endofyear · 27/12/2025 11:00

Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 10:45

This is her first Christmas with a baby , and the baby has epilepsy (West Syndrome), medications have been working but I know she has a lot of doctor appointments.

Her husband also currently has borderline pneumonia (infection close to turning into pneumonia) from her last message, so they are struggling.

I'm probably being massively unfair here.

Edited
Show quote history

Reading this update, yes you are being massively unfair! Sounds like she has an awful lot on her plate and probably the last thing on her mind was running out to collect a gift during the busy Christmas period. Cut her some slack OP!

Minjou · 27/12/2025 11:00

Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 10:45

This is her first Christmas with a baby , and the baby has epilepsy (West Syndrome), medications have been working but I know she has a lot of doctor appointments.

Her husband also currently has borderline pneumonia (infection close to turning into pneumonia) from her last message, so they are struggling.

I'm probably being massively unfair here.

Edited
Show quote history

Holy fuck OP, you know you're being incredibly unfair to her. That poor woman, she's got much bigger things to worry about than your parcel!

Apologise for hounding her and try to be a better friend. You were seriously thinking of ditching her? 😱

Ohcrap082024 · 27/12/2025 11:01

Bloody hell @Kate8889your poor friend is really going through it at the moment. Don’t be surprised if she backs away from the friendship. Badgering her to collect a gift when she is probably stressed beyond belief isn’t the sign of a good friend.

Give yourself a shake.

stichguru · 27/12/2025 11:06

Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 10:45

This is her first Christmas with a baby , and the baby has epilepsy (West Syndrome), medications have been working but I know she has a lot of doctor appointments.

Her husband also currently has borderline pneumonia (infection close to turning into pneumonia) from her last message, so they are struggling.

I'm probably being massively unfair here.

Edited
Show quote history

Given all those things I think you are being massively unfair. Normally I'd say it's rather lazy just not to pick up a gift, but I think it's different here. Husband not well enough to look after baby, husband not well enough to go out into the cold. So she'd have to make the trip alone in the car with a baby who might go into a seizure - yes you are being massively unfair! Assuming the company have re-funded you, could you reorder the gift to yours and plan a time to pop round and see her? Or even don't reorder and just see if you could pop round and help her. Some groceries delivered or someone to hold the baby while husband is resting and she wants two hands to do some housework might be better than any physical gift.