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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being upset

57 replies

Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 10:22

I sent my friend a package for Christmas and it was marked as unable to deliver and taken to a pickup location. Pickup location is 10 minutes from where she lives.

I messaged her several times that she needs to pick it up please or it will be sent back to the warehouse. She apologized but said she has been too busy, that she will try. It's gone back to the warehouse after 2 weeks.

OP posts:
Nickyknackered · 27/12/2025 11:08

Bobiverse · 27/12/2025 10:31

As an absolutely insane way to look at someone sending a gift to your home. You must be an incredibly miserable person if that is the way you see a gift being sent.

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Not at all, but its the OP who is upset at the friend not having time to pick up her gift. I think its a cheek to put an obligation on someone so you get to feel good about yourself.

Plus most deliveries are just left on doorstep now, i can't remember the last time I had an undelivered parcel.

Nickyknackered · 27/12/2025 11:09

somanychristmaslights · 27/12/2025 10:33

yeah, really bad to send her friend a present. What was she thinking? 🙄

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Read the whole thread! OP is being unreasonable or its a reverse!

BlackCat14 · 27/12/2025 11:10

A tough one.
You say the depot is 10 mins away. But that’s a 20 min round trip. Add on the 5-10 mins waiting in there and getting the parcel, and it’s a 30 min errand, not a 10 min one.

Her husband isn’t well and her new baby is poorly. There’sa LOT going on for everyone at this time of year. Perhaps she would’ve loved to collect the parcel but really hasn’t had a minute. You haven’t said if she’s hosting family over Christmas, but imagine if she is, just how busy things are for her. I can understand you feeling hurt though, but just think what she’s going through.

Bobiverse · 27/12/2025 11:11

Nickyknackered · 27/12/2025 11:08

Not at all, but its the OP who is upset at the friend not having time to pick up her gift. I think its a cheek to put an obligation on someone so you get to feel good about yourself.

Plus most deliveries are just left on doorstep now, i can't remember the last time I had an undelivered parcel.

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The choice made by the delivery driver is not the fault of the OP.
Most of us would shrug it off and go and Go and collect it, and if life prevented collection then so be it. But look at what you wrote about someone sending a gift… absolutely insane. To say that the sender is lazy and everything else you said? That is mad.

The OP had given a huge drip feed that makes her annoyance quite misplaced, but anyone receiving a parcel who then has your opinion about receiving a parcel is just nuts, rather than “oh well, I can’t get it so you’ll get a refund and we’ll find a time to see each other instead or something.”

Bobiverse · 27/12/2025 11:13

Nickyknackered · 27/12/2025 11:09

Read the whole thread! OP is being unreasonable or its a reverse!

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Why are you telling people to read the whole thread when their comments were posted before OP’s massive drip feed? Reading the whole thread would make no difference to posting those comment because the OP hasn’t given that information yet.

However, it is still an insane reaction ti have when someone sends you a gift. I can’t think of any actual human being I know who would you say, “You sent a gift to me; you’re just so lazy.”

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 27/12/2025 11:14

I think this might be one of the most dramatic drip feeds I've ever seen

I thought you were pretty unreasonable to get so weird about her not being able to collect a parcel as it is

Add in the newborn, very sick baby and the very sick DH and you're one of the most unreasonable people I've seen

Is this a reverse? And your the poor woman dealing with all this whilst a friend hassles you about not collecting the parcel? Because if so, they are no friend to you

Nickyknackered · 27/12/2025 11:14

Bobiverse · 27/12/2025 11:11

The choice made by the delivery driver is not the fault of the OP.
Most of us would shrug it off and go and Go and collect it, and if life prevented collection then so be it. But look at what you wrote about someone sending a gift… absolutely insane. To say that the sender is lazy and everything else you said? That is mad.

The OP had given a huge drip feed that makes her annoyance quite misplaced, but anyone receiving a parcel who then has your opinion about receiving a parcel is just nuts, rather than “oh well, I can’t get it so you’ll get a refund and we’ll find a time to see each other instead or something.”

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Thats not my opinion upon receiving a parcel. Thats my opinion upon hearing a friend is upset with me because I haven't had the time to collect to said parcel.

Whaleandsnail6 · 27/12/2025 11:14

Nickyknackered · 27/12/2025 11:09

Read the whole thread! OP is being unreasonable or its a reverse!

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I'm thinking reverse. Although I'll never understand why people post reverse if it is...you don't need to pretend to get honest responses on this site and it just annoys people!

Sanasaaa · 27/12/2025 11:17

Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 10:45

This is her first Christmas with a baby , and the baby has epilepsy (West Syndrome), medications have been working but I know she has a lot of doctor appointments.

Her husband also currently has borderline pneumonia (infection close to turning into pneumonia) from her last message, so they are struggling.

I'm probably being massively unfair here.

Edited
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Wow.
She's going through a living nightmare and you were repeatedly pestering her to do another chore on top of all that she has to deal with? And are going to dump her?

Definitely end the friendship, she needs supportive people in her life.

Celestialmoods · 27/12/2025 11:20

It’s self centred and presumptuous to think that anyone should prioritise collecting a parcel that they didn’t ask for at any time, never mind when it’s Christmas and they have issues.

Plus, if it’s anything like my collection centre their opening hours are ridiculous to none, and even with all the will in the world to collect a parcel, it’s difficult.

Original poster
Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 11:20

BlackCat14 · 27/12/2025 11:10

A tough one.
You say the depot is 10 mins away. But that’s a 20 min round trip. Add on the 5-10 mins waiting in there and getting the parcel, and it’s a 30 min errand, not a 10 min one.

Her husband isn’t well and her new baby is poorly. There’sa LOT going on for everyone at this time of year. Perhaps she would’ve loved to collect the parcel but really hasn’t had a minute. You haven’t said if she’s hosting family over Christmas, but imagine if she is, just how busy things are for her. I can understand you feeling hurt though, but just think what she’s going through.

No she's not hosting, but I'm sure she's still overwhelmed

OP posts:
InBedBy10 · 27/12/2025 11:21

Without your update, you were being a drama queen to even think of dropping her as a friend over this. Christmas is a very busy time for people.

With your update, I think she should drop you as a friend. You are clearly a very self absorbed, immature person. She really doesnt need people like you in her life right now.

Velvian · 27/12/2025 11:23

Did you send to be signed for @Kate8889 ? If so, that's on you. I haven't had to go somewhere to collect a parcel for years. Why was there only 1 delivery attempt too?

Legomania · 27/12/2025 11:24

This has to be a reverse.

Newyearnewplace · 27/12/2025 11:25

This is the kind of thing my Mum does and it drives me mad- obviously appreciate a card being sent for example but then don’t message me everyday asking me if I’ve received the card. This year she asked me everyday for 9 days (even Sunday even though there’s no post) and then finally send me a picture of what it looks like 😆. The card arrived the next day. Honestly- don’t send things if you’re then going to hassle the person imo, parcel or not. Especially if she has so many things going on- yabu

Radiosn · 27/12/2025 11:27

Give that poor woman a break.
She sounds like she could be drowning with all that going on.

Original poster
Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 11:30

Velvian · 27/12/2025 11:23

Did you send to be signed for @Kate8889 ? If so, that's on you. I haven't had to go somewhere to collect a parcel for years. Why was there only 1 delivery attempt too?

Not sure, she lives in Munich, there was not option to sign

OP posts:
Bellyblueboy · 27/12/2025 11:36

You have her a present that turned into a chore at the busiest time of year when she has a huge amount on her plate.

you have made it all about you.

yes, I think this is a friendship not worth keeping. You are too much work:

Ponoka7 · 27/12/2025 11:40

I was going to ask where she lived because the wind has been bitter here (NW England). Munich has been in the -1 to -4°. Your gifts shouldn't be about you, it should be about the person you were sending it to. You wanted her to take her baby out in -4°, or her partner go, with pneumonia? In theory I've had time to do things, but I'm recovering from the flu and it's just been too cold and I'm knackered. I've missed on on the Christmas markets/fair etc. She certainly doesn't need your pestering or guilt tripping.

FlayOtters · 27/12/2025 11:40

Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 10:45

This is her first Christmas with a baby , and the baby has epilepsy (West Syndrome), medications have been working but I know she has a lot of doctor appointments.

Her husband also currently has borderline pneumonia (infection close to turning into pneumonia) from her last message, so they are struggling.

I'm probably being massively unfair here.

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thia is the most insane dripfeed I've ever seen on here and YES - of course you are being massively unreasonable. You actually sound like a psychopath that you are considering dropping a friend because she didn't have a spare 20 inutes in dire circumstances to go and get a gift from you! What the hell??

WhatNoRaisins · 27/12/2025 11:43

It sounds more like she didn't have the headspace to take on another errand due to the strain she's under with all these health needs. In some ways I think that can be harder than finding time for a 10 minute walk when you're just busy in a practical sense.

ColdTofuSandwich · 27/12/2025 11:48

My friend did this with a present for her daughter about 5 years ago. Have never sent her anything since.

Bellyblueboy · 27/12/2025 11:57

ColdTofuSandwich · 27/12/2025 11:48

My friend did this with a present for her daughter about 5 years ago. Have never sent her anything since.

That’s good. Sending people a chore isn’t a present. I work full time and would find it a hassle to go and collect a parcel.

The collection point where I am is either open during g my working hours or before noon on Saturday. It’s not always convenient.

people have busy full lives.

toomuchfaff · 27/12/2025 12:47

Kate8889 · 27/12/2025 10:45

This is her first Christmas with a baby , and the baby has epilepsy (West Syndrome), medications have been working but I know she has a lot of doctor appointments.

Her husband also currently has borderline pneumonia (infection close to turning into pneumonia) from her last message, so they are struggling.

I'm probably being massively unfair here.

Edited
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Ya think?

Hint - yes you are.

Considering ending the friendship? Oh my god

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 27/12/2025 14:55

ColdTofuSandwich · 27/12/2025 11:48

My friend did this with a present for her daughter about 5 years ago. Have never sent her anything since.

Good, she'll know how much you actually value her