I’ve ended it like you all said. Feel sick

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Name change but posted before about my relationship which is awful on paper - but in reality when its good it’s great when it’s anything it’s terrible.

im sick with anxiety, im autistic and struggle with endings. Ive been awake all night. So confused sad and hurt but also a very slight relief.

ex was absolutely flamed last time I posted. How do I get through the coming days without all this anxiety any tips from wise mumsnet are appreciated

thsnk you

Oh! and!!!! Just want to add another thing: Because you're so focused on her welfare rather than your own, you have to play a mind trick on yourself.

It's a deeply unhealthy relationship for both of you.

You rushing to her "rescue" is not doing her any favours in the long term. The only chance she has of getting a proper grip on her own life is to do it herself.

The best way to quieten the guilty impulse to rush back and take care of her is to remind yourself that this is not in HER best interests. (I know you can relate to that more readily than considering your own.)

This is an absolute truth that you must keep in sight at all times. "It's best for her." Eventually you'll begin to get a better grip on "It's best for me."

Consider it doctor's orders!

Not doing well at all today. I’ve been physically sick. Spoken to friend who’s a councillor and don’t feel a grain better for it. Can’t sleep or eat. I realise how pathetic this sounds I’m just so unbelievably anxious about it all

You're anxious about what your ex might do - that's why there were so many threats, they wanted you to fear their reaction.

It will get better.

You're acting completely out of character for you, which is going to feel deeply wrong. You're not deeply wrong. You're deeply right. Keep going. 💐

It’s not pathetic
pathetic would be not making the change because it’s hard and hurts
carrying on when you feel bad isn’t pathetic, it’s strong

Are you genuinely in danger? If so, call a woman’s aid organisation or the police for advice.
If not, stop and draw breath, practice some grounding techniques and pause your thoughts. You are going to cope and get through this but not on no sleep or food. See your GP and get medication if you need to. What ever you feel now is temporary, it does not feel like it, but it is. Maybe download a CBT app to try and stop the spiralling. Writing down your thoughts does help, especially when you have to then think about whether you are catastrophising or being overly negative.
Think about it positively. You spoke to a friend, you are getting through the day, literally take it one hour at a time. It’s not ideal that it is the holiday period but once you get back to your normal routine, this will also help.

Go for a run

Drink lots of water

4-7-8 breathing

Can you tell us what you’re anxious about, specifically? We might be able to help.

You are anxious because you have shared your life with a volatile person. Your ‘on’ switch which alerts you to danger in your brain is on high, high alert.
Your logical brain is being overrun by trauma response which has made you poorly and the chat with your friend didn’t perform a miracle.
It would be odd if it did.
You will get through it. It’s like taking a medicine for an infection and the tablets make you really sick. You don’t want to take them. But when the infection has been healed and the tablets are finished you are really glad you took them.
Keep talking to people. Post on here, talk to people who love you.
This person has traumatised you.
Here’s something I picked up by a therapist / think of a time before the abuser, an occasional where you felt positive. A happy time.
Write about it, or if you are tired, go though every detail as if you are telling a story. Who was there? What happened? What were you wearing? Music? The weather. When you do this, it floods your body with positive vibes.
You almost need to act as if you are detoxing from a drug.
Eat as well as you can.
Stay hydrated.
Through therapy I created a little collection of feelgood items - photos of people I love, films I enjoy, music I love, some stories of happy times. I dip into it.
And of course sometimes your brain thinks you will never feel that happy again.
But you existed before this person and you will have a life without them.
Everyone who has followed your story is cheering you on.