Page 3 | To wonder why I put myself through the awfulness of having a toddler again?

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 2025-12-26T16:00:17+00:00

Seriously, I really do question it. I hated it with ds and didn’t start to enjoy parenting him until he was four. And I’m back in that place again but this time with another child’s needs to try to balance. If you adore toddlers and think that when you’re ninety you’ll look back and want another day with them this is NOT the thread for you. Nor is it a thread for those struggling with teens; you have your own board. I really do not know what the hell I was thinking.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/12/2025 07:29

Toddler years were the hardest- I am far more give me a baby any day kind of person. It was harder with my second because she walked at 9months so I never even got a full year before I was chasing her everywhere.
The way I survived was getting out as much as I could- lived in soft play. Also a routine where they were in bed by 7/7.30- so I had a couple of hrs of peace but still so hard

babyproblems · 27/12/2025 07:31

Mine is fine as a toddler; I hated baby stage. 6-18m for me was awful. I was so so so so tired then and felt like I was dying. At least with toddler you can chat and do activities. Shame because I think that all toddlers are different- good news as you might get an easier one next time for example. But babies are mostly the same!!!

FlyingApple · 27/12/2025 07:34

This is where you say to their dad, here play with them for a couple of hours please, and if he's anything like my DH, he will 😂

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 07:43

babyproblems · 27/12/2025 07:31

Mine is fine as a toddler; I hated baby stage. 6-18m for me was awful. I was so so so so tired then and felt like I was dying. At least with toddler you can chat and do activities. Shame because I think that all toddlers are different- good news as you might get an easier one next time for example. But babies are mostly the same!!!

Next time? Are you joking? 😂

OP posts:

Platypusdiver · 27/12/2025 07:49

Sorry. I am going to be the cow that says it. I would love to have a horrible toddler. It reminds me of a poster who complained about "hating the early baby years".

Go back. Don't have your toddler. See how you feel then. It's not like wishing that you hadn't bought a white dress that got dirty.

It's one thing finding it hard, it's another thing to say "ooh i am such a wally for having an another child when they get too much". I hate the fucking smugness that comes with the whole-too-much-handle -with-my-bundle.

If you genuninely thought that you would not be expressing yourself as that on this forum.

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 07:54

if you genuinely thought that you would not be expressing yourself as that on this forum

I genuinely don’t know what you mean, and that isn’t me trying to be unpleasant or horrible. I can see my post has upset you and obviously I am sorry for that, but I promise I don’t understand the above sentence!

OP posts:

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:13

I think you might mean that I’m being smug for having another child.

It’s true that I am very lucky in that sense and have never struggled to conceive or to carry a successful pregnancy.

As for going back and not having her … that’s hard, isn’t it? I know her now and I do love her dearly; however although the tone may have been humorous I was very nearly at breaking point yesterday and may yet be today. Probably looking at it coldly and logically I shouldn’t have had a second and if I could go back to a time where I haven’t ‘met’ her or ds I do suspect I’d only have had the one, to be honest. Having two children really hasn’t brought me much joy at all. I love them dearly as individuals but I am not able to meet their needs very easily which causes problems.

I am sure you will come and kick me for saying that, too.

OP posts:

Dontpokethebearnow · 27/12/2025 08:15

Toddlers are tough OP. It's an overwhelming time of year, all the changes, new things, social activities, routines out of whack, lights/noises etc. as parents we are busier, possibly seeing lots of family, the weather being so warm then cold then back to warm (you might think I'm odd but the wind winds them up too).

It's overwhelming for parents at times too. It's not unheard of for toddlers to go a bit backwards with communication when they're having a tricky time but it's good you've spotted it and shows that some of your frustration is actually more worry about why.

andfinallyhereweare · 27/12/2025 08:18

YANBU the toddler years stops me from going again, I love the newborn days (and the first year) then 2-4 awful just awful.

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:20

Dontpokethebearnow · 27/12/2025 08:15

Toddlers are tough OP. It's an overwhelming time of year, all the changes, new things, social activities, routines out of whack, lights/noises etc. as parents we are busier, possibly seeing lots of family, the weather being so warm then cold then back to warm (you might think I'm odd but the wind winds them up too).

It's overwhelming for parents at times too. It's not unheard of for toddlers to go a bit backwards with communication when they're having a tricky time but it's good you've spotted it and shows that some of your frustration is actually more worry about why.

I am a bit worried. I was thinking about it last night, as she used to communicate reasonably clearly and she still does sometimes but the noises and pulling me around is new.

The eating is also a huge worry. I do know it’s best not to make a big deal out of it and I haven’t until now but she just … doesn’t eat 😩

OP posts:

Dontpokethebearnow · 27/12/2025 08:32

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:20

I am a bit worried. I was thinking about it last night, as she used to communicate reasonably clearly and she still does sometimes but the noises and pulling me around is new.

The eating is also a huge worry. I do know it’s best not to make a big deal out of it and I haven’t until now but she just … doesn’t eat 😩

Show quote history

How old is she?
Had any illness (especially ears) lately?
Sleep regression or same as usual? When did you notice the change in her communications, is there any changes outside of just her that might contribute besides the festive period? Like moving to a new room at nursery perhaps? Older child started school?
When you say worried, is there a particular bigger worry you have or just worried something has changed in the last couple weeks?

Eating is a tricky one, everyone says they will eat when they are hungry enough but that isn't true of all children and we can't always bank on it.
Is she eating something even if it's a mouthful of the same thing everyday?

You sound like an lovely mum OP, that's perhaps a bit overwhelmed yourself and worried about what's going on.

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:43

She’s two and a half. Another days screaming is starting now. There’s nothing I can think of; obviously things have been a bit disrupted with Christmas but the tantrums and screaming are just awful, beyond awful. It really is driving me to a very dark place.

OP posts:

user1471538283 · 27/12/2025 08:43

With my DS he struggled to have agency so whilst he was so cute and intelligent he often roared in frustration. Or run. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 3 and I was working full time. He used to climb up me! I honestly don't know how I did it.

But we had so much fun and I miss those times.

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:45

and yes the eating …

she has had half a crumpet, a slice of ham, a few mouthfuls of scrambled egg and half a slice of garlic bread - in a week.

OP posts:

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:45

user1471538283 · 27/12/2025 08:43

With my DS he struggled to have agency so whilst he was so cute and intelligent he often roared in frustration. Or run. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 3 and I was working full time. He used to climb up me! I honestly don't know how I did it.

But we had so much fun and I miss those times.

Yeah we’re not having fun. At all.

OP posts:

user1471538283 · 27/12/2025 08:46

Oh no I'm sorry to hear that the screaming has already started. Is there anything she's obsessed with to take her mind off it? Could you go to a park so she can run around for an hour?

Sometimes I just had to get out of the house with DS.

NoisyViewer · 27/12/2025 08:47

i have teens here & I would take where I am now over the toddler stage despite the worry being more. The mental & physical strain of toddlers was the worst. The constant running around, not getting anything done & the drama minefield of tantrums & over tiredness on both sides isn’t fun. They’re at their cutest & worst at the same time.

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:50

I was there with her for ages yesterday, but I need to get dressed etc first and even that is challenging as she won’t stop following me around wailing. Unfortunately, ds is a massive trigger for her tantrums: he only has to look at a toy for her to start screaming because she wants it and sometimes he actually does just hand it to her and pick up a different one but then she starts screaming as she wants that one. The poor kid can’t do anything.

This is what I mean when I say I just wish I hadn’t put myself through it again. I don’t care which fucking idiots actually want to go back to this time, it’s hell, utter hell. All I hear is whining, wailing, bleating, screaming. I have no relationship with my older child because I’ve been forced away and I give 100% every day and it isn’t even close to enough but apparently I’m going to miss it??

OP posts:

FlyingApple · 27/12/2025 09:16

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 08:50

I was there with her for ages yesterday, but I need to get dressed etc first and even that is challenging as she won’t stop following me around wailing. Unfortunately, ds is a massive trigger for her tantrums: he only has to look at a toy for her to start screaming because she wants it and sometimes he actually does just hand it to her and pick up a different one but then she starts screaming as she wants that one. The poor kid can’t do anything.

This is what I mean when I say I just wish I hadn’t put myself through it again. I don’t care which fucking idiots actually want to go back to this time, it’s hell, utter hell. All I hear is whining, wailing, bleating, screaming. I have no relationship with my older child because I’ve been forced away and I give 100% every day and it isn’t even close to enough but apparently I’m going to miss it??

Have you tried playing with her 1 on 1? Dancing to kids songs? Reading? Maybe ask her to help you do something, like can you help me chop this? Sweep this? Put wrapping paper away? Etc etc

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 09:27

We do loads of that @FlyingApple . She has had a lot from me, she really has. While the other has had nothing. It still isn’t enough and I’m resigned to that right now. I just hope it gets better because at the moment things feel pretty bleak, to be honest and I am trying to see a way forwards and can’t.

OP posts:

AhBiscuits · 27/12/2025 09:32

Toddlers weren't for me either, but you suffer through it for the greater good. Both of mine benefit so much for having a sibling.
DH alleges that he loved it when they were 1 & 3 and so cute and innocent. I think he is misremembering.

addictedtotheflats · 27/12/2025 09:34

Im in the same boat, my 1st was full on, not trantrummy just on the go all the time, stubborn, ran off. He was lovely from 3 so we had another when he started school and MY GOD she is hard work. Hes 6 now and she has just turned 2 and its trench city over here.

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 09:34

Do you think they do? I’m aware I am spiralling here but all I can think is that DS’s childhood ended when DD was born. He can’t play with his toys; days out are compromised, our relationship is distant now.

He is a different child on the very rare occasion I get one to one time with him.

I know that isn’t DDs ‘fault’; it’s mine. I just don’t know why I seem to be unable to cope, everyone else does.

OP posts:

BatchCookBabe · 27/12/2025 09:36

Platypusdiver · 27/12/2025 07:49

Sorry. I am going to be the cow that says it. I would love to have a horrible toddler. It reminds me of a poster who complained about "hating the early baby years".

Go back. Don't have your toddler. See how you feel then. It's not like wishing that you hadn't bought a white dress that got dirty.

It's one thing finding it hard, it's another thing to say "ooh i am such a wally for having an another child when they get too much". I hate the fucking smugness that comes with the whole-too-much-handle -with-my-bundle.

If you genuninely thought that you would not be expressing yourself as that on this forum.

Wow, how supremely unhelpful, and not very kind.

@whydidiputmyselfthroughit YANBU, and I hope this difficult stage passes soon. Stay strong!

Original poster

whydidiputmyselfthroughit · 27/12/2025 09:36

addictedtotheflats · 27/12/2025 09:34

Im in the same boat, my 1st was full on, not trantrummy just on the go all the time, stubborn, ran off. He was lovely from 3 so we had another when he started school and MY GOD she is hard work. Hes 6 now and she has just turned 2 and its trench city over here.

It’s the crying and wailing. There’s an interlude of calm and then a plaintive bleat starts and it builds into a wail and a cry and a scream, it’s been going on for days now and it’s awful. I normally do get on fairly well with MIL but she made some remarks on Christmas Day about it.

OP posts: