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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate present, hideous bookends and me in drag!!!!

514 replies

confusedgoldilocks · 26/12/2025 14:53

I love christmas, and I love christmas presents, I got my best friend a lovely calendar showing photos that were precious to me throughout the year of all the good times we have shared, in return, and this is so strange, I got two bookends, which have obviously been handmade, but look like my face, but in a grotesque punch and judy way, I'm not sure whether they are supposed to look so scary, but they are hideous, I actually had nightmares about them last night, and on top of that, a smaller 3D figurine which is basically me looking like a drag queen in hideous blonde hair and a massive red bow, they obviously took a long time and I get that, but I wonder what they are trying to tell me, they have sent me a message asking what I think of them and I really don't know what to say, to be honest, Im quite upset they see me that way. Im just a normal person who loves christmas, I was hoping for tickets to see a christmas carol or something like that.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 26/12/2025 16:52

But why did the 'friend' want the OP opening the present filmed and played out on her TV (in front of an audience - and all laughing) if they didn't give her the bookends to be unkind?

RanyaJerodung · 26/12/2025 16:53

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 26/12/2025 16:52

But why did the 'friend' want the OP opening the present filmed and played out on her TV (in front of an audience - and all laughing) if they didn't give her the bookends to be unkind?

It's a strange one, it certainly sounds unkind.

BunnyLake · 26/12/2025 16:54

confusedgoldilocks · 26/12/2025 15:36

hand on heart , I really did not, when I saw the bill I panicked, I have not taken anyone out for dinner in a long time, the bread and olives were nearly £8! I let them choose the wine but again, did not realise it was nearly £40 as we didnt have a wine menu, I just said, choose the wine you look and enjoyed the role as host, looking back, I do think this is their way of sending me a message, I get that I messed up, and I probably want things and a lifestyle I can't afford but this seems so cruel.

Very irresponsible and flaky of you. Never mind focusing on the ‘hideous’ presents you should be feeling pretty embarrassed 🤦‍♀️🫣

Thedownwardspiralpath · 26/12/2025 16:54

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 26/12/2025 16:52

But why did the 'friend' want the OP opening the present filmed and played out on her TV (in front of an audience - and all laughing) if they didn't give her the bookends to be unkind?

You believe this 🤔

FrenchBunionSoup · 26/12/2025 16:54

Does anyone else think the friend has taken a 3D printer pattern and modified it to try and look like the OP, and thinks it's fun rather than being intended to embarrass?

I don't think it's related to the restaurant incident. I think they are quite pleased with their 3D printer and wanted to make something fun.

Tigerbalmshark · 26/12/2025 16:54

Sartre · 26/12/2025 16:47

I think they thought this was funny and didn’t realise you’d be so offended. If they’re a close friend, it’s quite baffling they didn’t know this isn’t your humour. To be honest, I have no idea how much that monstrosity cost but if it’s handmade and personalised I’d imagine it wasn’t cheap and it’s so ugly.

If this is real, which I doubt, I suspect the friends spotted it in a shop and it reminded them of OP’s photo of herself in a massive Jojo bow, which they thought was a joke photo. So they bought the joke bookends to continue the joke. Hence the video of her reaction.

Only the photo doesn’t seem to have been a joke, and OP is upset.

ilovesushi · 26/12/2025 16:54

susey · 26/12/2025 16:21

A lot of people are saying "her" about the friend, but I think the friend sounds a spiteful woman-hating man! OP hasn't said she. Is that right OP?

I was confused about the gender. The gift half starts to make some sort of sense in that context. It's still very very odd.

RanyaJerodung · 26/12/2025 16:58

I thought the best friend was a gay man.

Hankunamatata · 26/12/2025 17:03

So you don't like their present. Stop taking it so personally. It's a caricature gift

Your friend was hinting for you to buy theatre tickets as you OWE THEM £300!!

sesquipedalian · 26/12/2025 17:05

I can’t get over the whole meal debacle, and the fact that the OP hasn’t paid her friends back yet, and ON TOP of that, expected expensive theatre tickets as a present in return for a calendar. Someone’s ideas are a bit skewed.

OuijaBoard · 26/12/2025 17:06

I would put the bookends and whatever that other thing is in an opaque sealable bag and bury them at a crossroads at midnight. Then go home and smudge your whole house with sage, probably your brother's house, too.

Then I would consider binning the friends as their style of communication sounds exhausting. (Also agree with PPs - made by a woman that thing you posted might be legitimately misguided/"creative", especially if she's not yet very experienced or skillful in making such things, but from a man it's creepy as fuck.)

(Edited: bookENDS, not bookMARKS!)

Isayitasitis · 26/12/2025 17:07

bonquiqui · 26/12/2025 16:48

This thread is bonkers. To me the figurine looks like a panto dame - was there some kind of joke of one having your hair?

OP, are you ND/autistic in some way? I think the way you read social situations is very indicative of such. Plus the hyper focus on things and expectations of what you think is lovely (a cheap calendar) and not being able to see a bit of joking/assuming the worst? Or the massive imbalance of the theatre tickets and meal. Sounds like you thought a central London meal with wine for three would be £50 followed by £8 Old Vic tickets, which seems very naive

Edited

Here comes the ND BINGO CARD!

Have a day off love seriously.

pepperminticecream · 26/12/2025 17:10

confusedgoldilocks · 26/12/2025 15:36

hand on heart , I really did not, when I saw the bill I panicked, I have not taken anyone out for dinner in a long time, the bread and olives were nearly £8! I let them choose the wine but again, did not realise it was nearly £40 as we didnt have a wine menu, I just said, choose the wine you look and enjoyed the role as host, looking back, I do think this is their way of sending me a message, I get that I messed up, and I probably want things and a lifestyle I can't afford but this seems so cruel.

  1. talking about a great concert they saw and telling you you’d like is not a hint that they are getting you tickets.
  2. a picture calender is not a great gift (unless you’re a grandparent and it’s pictures of your grandchildren).
  3. what business did you have inviting them for dinner when you don’t have money!
  4. how do you know the images in their gifts are of you? Maybe they are random caricatures?
pepperminticecream · 26/12/2025 17:11

sesquipedalian · 26/12/2025 17:05

I can’t get over the whole meal debacle, and the fact that the OP hasn’t paid her friends back yet, and ON TOP of that, expected expensive theatre tickets as a present in return for a calendar. Someone’s ideas are a bit skewed.

This! OP seems very selfish and lacking in awareness.

grinchmcgrinchface · 26/12/2025 17:12

You got them a calendar yet expected tickets to a show? Eh? Pay them back for the meal by bank transfer & just laugh the presents off before burying them in your garden never to see daylight again.

MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · 26/12/2025 17:13

I thank OP for the gift of making me appreciate the normality, health and sanity of my own friendships💐

SabrinaCarpetCleaner · 26/12/2025 17:13

Hankunamatata · 26/12/2025 17:03

So you don't like their present. Stop taking it so personally. It's a caricature gift

Your friend was hinting for you to buy theatre tickets as you OWE THEM £300!!

Edited

Well, she doesn't really. Given how vindictive and/or cruel they've been, she should just give them her share of the 300 quid bill (it sounds as though they were taking the piss anyway, ordering pricey items). I think @confusedgoldilocks should reply to them saying the gifts are hideous, but you knew that already ya couple of fannies.

Isayitasitis · 26/12/2025 17:13

pepperminticecream · 26/12/2025 17:11

This! OP seems very selfish and lacking in awareness.

Show quote history

According to another commenter, that apparently makes you ND! How flattering eh? 🙄🙄🙄

pepperminticecream · 26/12/2025 17:14

confusedgoldilocks · 26/12/2025 16:20

because once i sent a photo of me and i had a big red bow in my blonde hair, its based on that photo

Just throw it away. Send them the money for the meal. Do some self-reflection and move on from this friendship. Neither one of you has proven yourself a good friend.

pepperminticecream · 26/12/2025 17:15

Isayitasitis · 26/12/2025 17:13

According to another commenter, that apparently makes you ND! How flattering eh? 🙄🙄🙄

Show quote history

So offensive. ND does not = thoughtless and mean.

Isayitasitis · 26/12/2025 17:17

pepperminticecream · 26/12/2025 17:15

So offensive. ND does not = thoughtless and mean.

Show quote history

Exactly yet people love calling any kind of off behaviour as you are ND? I like to picture it being asked with a mumsnet head tilt and tinkly laugh. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

AnonAnonmystery · 26/12/2025 17:18

Toomanysofttoys · 26/12/2025 16:35

Put the money in an envelope and shove it thru their letterbox..then package up the gift and leave it on their doorstep with a note saying.
I know I messed up with the money for the meal however this present is hurtful and the video you all watched on the tv of me opening it is shameful of you as friends. I feel humiliated.

I'm sorry you had to open this awful gift

Edited

Agree with this. Then cut them off. There would have d been a better way to deal with that cost if the meal by having an adult conversation.

WhattheFudgeareyouonabout · 26/12/2025 17:18

confusedgoldilocks · 26/12/2025 15:57

yes but the bill for the meal I took them out for was £300 which is about the same as the tickets, although, obviously, they ended up paying, its such a mess now and I feel I have lost a good friend, and no they did not order them, they look homemade, my friend works with computers and has 3D printers

I’m confused- you got her a photo calendar but you were expecting £300 tickets?

FlyingApple · 26/12/2025 17:20

Wow. Just seen the photo, it's worse than I imagined.

Daisydoesnt · 26/12/2025 17:22

RanyaJerodung · 26/12/2025 16:44

On the plus side, it doesn't have a goatee.

This isn't one of the bookends - this is the figurine that OP also mentions. There are two presents.